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 The cons of pro wrestling
Posted: Saturday June 26, 1999 10:59 AM
Because of the topic we'll be discussing today, I've decided to skip the normal opening pleasantries and get right to the point: I hate pro wrestling. And for those of you out there who watch it, well, I suppose it's entirely up to you if you choose to spend your evenings getting worked up into a lather over mostly balding men who run around in their underpants, leather boots and spangled capes trying to pin each other. You know, I used to look at this steroid circus and treat it with a sort of amused indifference. But then people started taking it seriously. These guys started showing up on mainstream magazine covers and as late-night TV talk show guests. People even started referring to it as a sport. (My god, it has even started trickling into some of the less respected sports columns on the Internet.) That's when I realized I needed to step in. You may now refer to me as Enemy No. 1 of pro wrestling. First of all, please, whatever you do, don't call this spectacle a sport. Getting your sports fix from pro wrestling is like getting your news fix from Jerry Springer . It's more soap opera than sport, like Melrose Place , only with more peroxide and less believable plot lines. I mean, does a father take his son to one of these freak shows, throw an arm around his boy and say, with pride, "Look son, up there, at the balding man with bleached blond sideburns, yellow BVD's and fluorescent boa. Keep taking your Creatine and, maybe, someday son, someday ..." These guys are lousy actors, not athletes. Let's face it, a mediocre collegiate wrestler could make Cold Stone Steve Boston (or whatever his name is) cry like a little baby in 30 seconds. I've seen Tic Flair (again, not really sure of his moniker) without his shirt on and, let me tell you, the guy couldn't wrestle a brussels sprout away from a five-year-old. Olympic wrestlers like Dan Gable and Bruce Baumgartner and the eight former amateur wrestlers who went on to become Presidents of the United States -- these guys are national treasures. This guy, I think his name is Hulk Rogaine ? National joke. Yeah, I know several of these so-called athletes used to have respectable jobs in real sports. This proves nothing, other than the fact that these poor guys couldn't hack it any more. Oh yeah, what about Dennis Rodman , Karl Malone and Kevin Greene ? They all entered the ring. Yup, sure did. And, you'll notice, since then each of them has struggled to be taken seriously by their peers. I believe we all saw the true colors of this sham a week ago when a pro wrestler died trying to rappel into the ring to make a grand entrance. Owen Hart apparently got the cord caught up in his elaborate costume and plunged 90 feet to his death in the ring. Exhibit A: Fans thought it was a staged stunt. Exhibit B: The show was not canceled. But wrestling's so popular, you say. Oh really? Well, so are the Backstreet Boys . It gets triple the ratings of the NBA, you say. To this I echo NBA commissioner David Stern : "There's really no accounting for taste." Amen. Pro wrestling's popularity is more a tribute to the proliferation of cable TV into every nook and cranny and double-wide on the planet than anything else. (At least -- please, god -- I hope so.) It's a fad, that's what I keep telling myself. It has peaked and very soon it will be falling back where it belongs, as a warm-up act for tractor pulls and 4-H hog judging. If not, if it somehow continues to gain momentum, well, then I won't be wasting my time with this silly column each week. I'll have a lot of work to do on the underground shelter behind my house. Because if this souped-up spectacle gets any more popular, well, then, I'd take that as a sure sign the end of the world is at hand. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer. Sports Illustrated staff writer David Fleming explores the sometimes weird
and wacky side of sports every Thursday. Click here to send an e-mail to Flem, or
address it yourself: flemfile@aol.com.
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