|
 |   |
|
EVENTS Fantasy Central Inside Game Multimedia Central Statitudes Your Turn Message Boards Email Newsletters Golf Guide Cities Work in Sports
CNNSI.com GROUP
COMMERCE |  |
Introducing the Turkeys of the Year
Posted: Wednesday November 24, 1999 05:56 PM
Like an overstuffed Thanksgiving turkey crammed into an oven that's way too small, University of Kansas football player Dion Rayford wedged his 270-pound bulk into a Taco Bell drive-thru window in Lawrence, Kans., around 2 a.m. on November 17. After fast-food clerks left a chalupa out of his order (we can't make this stuff up, folks, there are laws), Rayford, 24, became enraged and tried to climb through the tiny space. Apparently Taco Bell employees did not heed Rayford's warning to "Drop the chalupa, drop the chalupa, IN MY BAG." When the 14-by-46-inch window broke under Rayford's weight, the senior defensive end, who had started all 11 games for the Jayhawks, was left stuck, dangling halfway in and halfway out.
Think: Winnie the Pooh, with a lobotomy, stuck in that tree trying to get at more honey. The big doofus was suspended for the season finale, and he pled innocent to charges of disorderly conduct, having an open container of alcohol and misdemeanor damage to property. In recognition of his considerable achievements, we'd like to invite Rayford to lead the parade at CNNSI.com's Second Annual Turkey of the Year Awards. Unlike chalupas in Lawrence, there were plenty of sports turkeys to go around in 1999. It's up to you, readers of the Flem File, to pick the Turkey of the Year from among these nominees. Vote in the poll on this page, or send in your nominees using the handy form we've provided, or both. Dig in! Peter Warrick. Now we know why the little guy on the Heisman Trophy has his arm sticking straight out -- he's trying to elude the cops. Bowl Championship Series. Ah, the BCS, where the C is silent. Ryan Leaf. We'd just go ahead and give this clown the Lifetime Turkey Achievement Award, but Dennis Rodman doesn't remember where he put it. Phil Knight. When you work out in your swoosh shoes, you toil and sweat for little reward. So did the person who made them. Mike Tyson. We don't really need an explanation here, do we? Cleveland. Cell phones in the Dawg Pound? A half-empty stadium in the third quarter? When will the real Browns return? J.R. Redmond. The Arizona State tailback is duped into marriage. All great weddings start out with the phrase Do you promise to love, honor and obey . . . all NCAA regulations? Rickey Henderson and Bobby Bonilla. Here's what we'd like to do to guys who play cards in the clubhouse while the rest of their team battles on the field: royal flush. Ken Griffey Jr. That lame excuse to get out of Seattle is harder to swallow than Grandma's bean casserole. (Sorry, Grams, but someone should have told you a long time ago.) Bobby Knight. The only people with worse aim than this guy are the players he keeps recruiting. Mike Ditka. Crotch-grabbing, finger-jabbing, idiotic-blabbing, one-draft-pick-tabbing Turkey of the Year, cajun-style. Brandi Chastain. Thanks for turning what should have been a monumental moment for women's athletics (and for goaltender Brianna Scurry, the real hero) into an ad for your bra. Just think: You helped inspire teams like the Ohio State women's rugby club. Gary Bettman. A "regulation tie" is what your wife makes you wear to Thanksgiving dinner. Daniel Snyder. Steinbrenner Mini-Me wannabe who embarrasses his coach, meddles in personnel decisions, fires loyal employees and strips Jack Kent Cooke's name off the stadium. If the Redskins miss the playoffs it will be his fault, not Norv Turner's. Barry Sanders. The greatest running back of all time or the year's biggest quitter? Both, actually. Men's tennis. We wanted to put one of these players on this list, but we honestly couldn't name any. The Sporting News. We're all guilty, but TSN is like Casey Kasem, coming up with a new, pointless and annoying list every week. What's next, a leather-bound collection of every silly, oftentimes baseless, all-century list? Anna Kournikova. She's a turkey because, well, your Internet search engine brought you here, right? David Fleming. Smart-ass, know-it-all, pompous, no-talent jerk. (Just thought I'd save you the trouble of an e-mail.) Major League Soccer. A big Turkey of the Year goes to whoever created this league. Isaiah Rider/Latrell Sprewell/Steve Francis, et al. Ah, yes, the NBA: No Body's Accountable. UCLA football players. They parked in the spaces reserved for the physically handicapped. Apparently, all the mentally handicapped spaces were taken. Jim Gray/Pete Rose. Did you know that turkeys are so dumb they sometimes drown in rainstorms because they forget to close their mouths? That explains both sides of their interview. Sports Illustrated staff writer David Fleming explores the sometimes weird and wacky side of sports every Thursday. Click here to check out some CNNSI.com users' Turkeys or send in your own nominee. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.
| |||||||||||||||||||||||
