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Sports Town, U.S.A.

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Posted: Thursday December 09, 1999 06:20 PM

I live in a wonderful town. It's a town I'm proud of, a town I enjoy and a town that just might double as the worst sports city in America. In my town, at some pro basketball games a priest leads the crowd in a pregame prayer over the loudspeaker. This is the same team whose owner (and team logo) are currently all over Court TV. This particular owner is being sued in civil court for sexual assault. The tawdry testimony is more graphic and disgusting than anything you might see on Cinemax after midnight.

WHYLO OF THE WEEK Imagine my surprise when I received only three hate e-mails in regard to the sidebar on the rebel flag in last week's "Go Speed Racer, Go" column. Since I never had any intention of sharing this space with any of those nuts (they're not even good enough to qualify for Flem File Exile), we turn our attention to an oldie but a goodie. Jonathan Johnson writes: "You have never played competitive sports in your life. You writings are terrible. You are off base. As far as WHYLO's go this is a grand slam." For starters, John-John does not express what he's upset about or why. I get the incorrect "competitive sports" thing almost as often as the super-creative "Hey Phlegm!" line. But the kicker is e-mailing me to say I suck at writing (this is why CNNSI.com editors should not be given e-mail accounts) and using the illiterate phrase "You writings are terrible." Dearest John-John if you can't spell "Your" then, tell me ... WHO HELPED YOU LOG ON? Mailbag In regard to your comments about the confederate flag: I'm not a fan of it, but why is it acceptable to designate those who sport the flag as racist simply because you believe it to be so? Even if the majority are bigoted racist, it's improper to label anyone else for whom the flag my just symbolize the good things of the south, and not the bad. It seems that we can forget the atrocities committed under the American flag a lot easier. -- Justin Moore Wait. Was that driving thing for real (in "Go Speed Racer, Go")? They really let an average person race around? That fits for SI's "This Week's Sign That the Apocalypse is Upon Us." -- Rob Hutch Dave, I could not agree with you more about the flag of the Confederacy. What a sad state of affairs that there are still ignorant people out there waving around this symbol of slavery. Forget the arguments about tariffs and agricultural bases and state rights, the majority of us see that war, whether we're right or wrong, as a war about slavery. The fact that there are people waving the symbol of the losers around is beyond me. -- Brian Durkin Was this Civic the same car you did the cornerback time trials with? -- Michael Sutherland (Note to Michael: Yes.) Dave, I'm with you on the Rebel flag AND the Pradas. See you there next year. My Volkswagen will dust the HonDave. -- Craig Bradley (Note to Craig: Bring it.) My initial thought on reading your most recent column on NASCAR and the Confederacy was, "Man, he's sure going to make some enemies with that one." But then I remembered your article on professional w--------, and realized that you'd offended essentially the same target audience already, so it didn't make much difference. Great column, by the way. -- Jeff Yeatman Please retire. -- Brian Unroe I praise you for your views and courage to speak out on this ugly side of NASCAR. This symbol of prejudice and ignorance has no place in the sport, if you want to call it a sport. As a matter of fact it has no place at any sporting event. Thank you. -- Joshua Rivard I hate that flag and the ideas it represents. Being a citizen of this country carries the responsibility of accepting people's right to display this symbol, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. All we can do is speak out against it when we're able, and thanks for doing just that. -- JP Lorrain Great column. Outstanding. Couldn't have said it better myself. If I had known I could get out there in my Honda I would be trading paint with you. I loathe NASCAR and the hillbilly following it has. I will be out there next year and hope to see you and your wife there. I will be blasting Kid Rock as well and I definitely agree that the Goo Goo Dolls stink. -- Michael McCullen

Still, in my town folks drive on Billy Graham Parkway and protest things like Rent, then create task forces to consider building our basketball owner a new gazillion dollar arena. The same guy who signs the multi-million dollar paycheck of a player accused of urinating in a restaurant and severely injuring a teammate in a drunk driving accident. My town is the birthplace of the Personal Seat License. You know, the PSL, the absurd idea of paying for the privilege to buy season tickets. The same insane concept that has gutted franchises, like the Cleveland Browns, of their personalities and their most loyal fan base. In my town neither professional sports team has ever sniffed a championship.

In my town we used to have an NHL team just down the road but we ignored it because, well, hockey is different. In my town three race fans were killed and several others injured when debris from a crash flew into the crowd.

My town is clean, safe, friendly and a world-wide center for the banking industry but we still think ourselves inferior because we don't have a baseball team. So every chance we get, we whore ourselves out and get used as a bargaining chip by every team that wants a new stadium.

In my town we have several great little over-achieving college basketball teams, a bunch of cool minor league sports teams and a WNBA franchise, all of which we largely ignore.

In my town most football fans leave at halftime.

In my town the good guys, and there are plenty, never get any ink because of all the bad stuff going on.

In my town you are not allowed to take your shirt off inside the football stadium. Never mind that this is the team that has had three of its four No. 1 draft picks arrested. The first pick, in 1995, was also accused of being a heavy drinker and a racist. He later quit the team.

The 1997 pick was just arrested and is accused of trying to kill his pregnant girlfriend.

In my town football players grab their crotch after scores and choke assistant coaches on the sidelines. So, naturally, you can see why a fan attempting to sun himself would offend the people who run my town's football team. In my town no one seems embarrassed by all this.

In my town, I think a championship would make people forget and forgive all the negative stuff in a heartbeat.

Can you guess my town?

Before you answer, remember: My town is probably a lot like your town.

Sports Illustrated staff writer David Fleming explores the sometimes weird and wacky side of sports every Thursday. Click here to send an e-mail to Flem, or address it yourself: flemfile@aol.com.

The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.

 

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