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Third Annual TV Commentator Awards

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Click on the appropriate year to take a look back at the 1999 or 1998 TV Commentator Awards.

Presenting the Dr. Z Third Annual TV Commentator Awards, and for the first time, actual prizes will be awarded. Linda, my wife, the Flaming Redhead, has promised to roast a chicken for each of the winners. And before we relieve the unbearable tension that now accompanies this competition, I'd like to relate the story of an encounter that has stayed in my mind.

This was in the press hotel the night before last season's NFC Championship game in St. Louis. I was having a drink with some of the Fox TV people, and David Hill, the chairman of Fox Sports TV, showed up. We got to talking. I went off on my usual thing about the inaccuracy of some of the announcers, and why some very basic things fail to be addressed, etc., and by now he'd had a few drinks and so had I. Matt Millen had warned me about this guy.

"If you're gonna take him on, better have your jock on," Millen said. "He doesn't back down before anybody."

So the thing got heated, and finally he half-shouted, in that brassy Australian accent, "You're so far removed from the public out there that you can't even think straight. They want to be entertained. You don't know what you want, facts and figures, statistics, whatever. You represent only a tiny percentage of the people we're reaching. You're nothing."

Well, I had the whole offseason to think about what he said, and when I started keeping my notes for this column, a procedure that began in Week 1, I had the idea in the back of my mind that maybe I'd really been too hard on the announcers, that maybe I ought to look at the big picture. Were people being entertained? Should I perhaps overlook the inaccuracies and see things as a fan would?

Then I started talking to people I met casually, not hard-core fans but casual ones who professed an interest in football and liked to watch the games on TV. Their take on the announcers was a great deal rougher than mine had been. They all had stories to tell about the screw-ups, the howlers, the ridiculous observations and misidentifications. The great majority of them were positively vicious. At that point I threw away the crayon and returned my stiletto pen to its rightful place on the desk.

All this is a windy prelim to the decision to do my ratings exactly as I had in previous years. One explanation: when I use a quote or two to illustrate the focus of the announcing team, it's not that I'm being picky and citing just one observation. It's something I've used because I feel it typifies the way this person, or team, works.

Here are the ratings, five stars (best) down to zero. Analyst listed first, then the play-by-play man:

FIVE STARS

Bill Maas and Sam Rosen, Fox: Newest addition to the exclusive club at the top. Elevated from last year's Four-Star ranking. Maas was good, now he's better. Terrific at catching the nuances of the line play, also the coverages downfield. Picks things off on the first look, before he has the luxury of the replay, which is usually studied during the commercial break. Very good on the overview. So good that he has made Rosen better, and on occasion I even heard Sam picking out the good individual blocks on the line; not the catchall, "The line is doing a great job," but actually identifying the people involved.

Brian Baldinger and Curt Menefee, Fox: They're still stuck with the last-string games, probably because David Hill doesn't think they're entertaining enough. Baldy's an old lineman and he works at his job the same way he did in the NFL, with dedication and high intelligence. What I like best about him, though, is that he doesn't go with the cliché observation. His remarks are bright and unconventional, i.e., referring to Eric Davis, who had to return punts one day for the Panthers: "I never thought of him as a punt returner. More of a punt catcher."

Matt Millen and Dick Stockton, Fox: Well, Matt has been at the top of his game for a while now, and he's the heir apparent to Fox's No. 1 spot when John Madden decides to pack it in. Tremendous enthusiasm, backed up by knowledge. Won't get sidetracked from his interest in what's actually taking place on the field, except for one instance that I heard, and it bothered me. One of the great traps in the business is what they call "storyline." You have a thesis and you develop it, which is OK as long as the game backs it up -- and if you get off it in time. Most of the commentators let it leak onto the actual play-by-play and then it just becomes an annoyance. Some of them try to twist the events on the field into a justification of the storyline, and then they're off the track entirely. Lions-Giants. Millen's storyline was the relationship between the Lions' new coach, Gary Moeller, and the Giants' wideout Amani Toomer, whom Moeller coached at Michigan. Meanwhile, a free-agent Lion defensive end named James Hall, a guy nobody ever heard of, was raising all sorts of hell on the field. Then the Giants' right tackle, Luke Petitgout, leg-whipped him and got flagged for it, but it took Hall out of the game. Certainly, I thought, Millen would have something to say about this, but it had blown right by him. He was still caught up in that Moeller-Toomer storyline thing, and I felt like screaming, "Not you, too, Matt!" Stockton, incidentally, would make me a lot happier if he spotted the ball more accurately.

Ron Pitts and Ray Bentley, Fox: An unusual combination because it pairs a couple of ex-players in the booth, which is comfortable to listen to because it doesn't become a case of one guy explaining things to the other all game long. Very low on the Fox totem pole, which is surprising because Pittsie, in addition to being extremely well versed in the passing game and coverage schemes, (he's an ex-DB) is quite a funny guy. Very fresh observations. He always comes up with something that tickles me. Describing one punt return, in which the guy put on a stunning variety of moves: "Give him a couple of spoons and he could have done the hambone." Describing a play in which the Cards' Jake Plummer pump-faked Saints' DE Darren Howard off his feet: "He put him in the popcorn machine that time." Best thing I heard Pitts do was call a touchdown play before it happened -- in the Chicago-Buffalo contest, with the Bills in a goal line situation. "Flutie's gonna bootleg left for a touchdown," he said. Bingo!

FOUR STARS

Darryl Johnston and Kevin Harlan, CBS: Wow, did Johnston, a first-year announcer, ever come on with a rush. Originally slated for No. 7 or so in the batting order, he moved up to the No. 3 team when Sam Wyche underwent throat surgery. CBS took a gamble and it paid off because this is a bright, articulate guy who sees things right away and makes his partner better. A bit of advice to Kevin: It's a pleasure to chart your games, because you're an accurate ball-spotter, but please get off the adjective, "wonderful," to describe every other block or tackle. Once is enough -- or maybe too much.

Dan Fouts and Al Michaels, ABC: The Monday nighters get two rankings, WDM and WODM. With Dennis Miller and Without DM. Here is the latter variety, looking at what the show could be like without Don Ohlmeyer's pet project. Fouts was an excellent college analyst last year, and without the constant annoyance of having to play off Miller's nonsense, he could be the same in the NFL because he has a clear grasp of what's going on, and he's witty and articulate. Michaels is simply the most accurate play-by-play, down-and-distance man in the business, but again, he's crippled by his role as playground monitor.

THREE STARS

Dan Dierdorf and Dick Enberg, CBS: Dierdorf has had an odd progression in the business. When he broke in with CBS in the old days he was terrific, very fresh and feisty. Then he went on the ABC Monday night party whirl and he fell in love with the sound of his own voice. He became the Colonel Blimp of the airwaves, issuing those lofty pronouncements from Mt. Olympus. Now that he's back with the mortals again, he has toned things down. Oh, every now and then some strange pomposity will emerge (Buffalo-Tampa Bay game: "Rob Johnson is as good a scrambling quarterback as there is in the NFL." Huh?), and sometimes the storyline will cause a few facts to be overlooked, such as a particularly unusual formation. The technical work also bothers me here. Spotters often fail to correctly identify tacklers. The close-up shot of the QB's head is routinely held too long, thereby depriving you of a look at the start of the play. And Enberg's love of the down-home angle can be positively maddening. I mean, he'll be into some story about how a guy was raised by his grandmother when we're into the frantic last moments of a game.

Phil Simms and Greg Gumbel, CBS: Good moments, not so good moments for CBS' No. 1 team. First, the good: Simms will occasionally get a real read on a coordinator's thinking, and then he'll get on a roll and swing along with the action, often calling things ahead of time. He'll get animated and bring real excitement to the show. In one of the Jets-Patriots games, he ridiculed the Pats' five-receiver, open-backfield set, pointing out that Bledsoe was going to get murdered in it because the line couldn't hold up. Sure enough, it kept happening. Simms was ahead of the Patriots' offensive brain trust on that one. Gumbel is also very quick to point out when a flag has killed a play, for which I and my charts thank him. Now the bad: The old storyline. Sometimes they'll get on it and never get off, often neglecting some of the more serious action. They'll get onto a kick of identifying or citing only big-name players, neglecting the non-household names. Both vices kicked in in the Colts-Jets game, when an unknown DB named Nick Ferguson, a street pick-up, emerged as the hero for the Jets in the late going. Not a word about who he was or where he was from or what he was even doing on the field in the first place.

John Madden and Pat Summerall, Fox: Last year they got a two-star ranking, and that was to be kind. By their own admission, it was an off year for them. They fit David Hill's definition of entertainment, but let's be honest, how many times can you listen to Madden say, "I used to tell my guys, don't block him if you can see the number on his back"? Yeah, things will slip by them, and it's sad because at one time Madden was positively eagle-eyed, but there's a sense of humor in the booth that gives longtime fans a nice, old-timey feeling, if they don't take things too seriously. I particularly like Madden's occasional musings that come from god knows where: "Some day I'd like to come back as a kicker on the moon." Also, coaches tell him inside things, such as the Eagles alerting him to the tackle-trap before the first Dallas game, and just when they'd use it.

Mark May and Ian Eagle, CBS: They'd better watch out because they're right on the lower perimeter. I salute Eagle because he's very accurate at spotting the ball, and if you don't think this is important, try keeping a play-by-play chart. May works hard and tries to do an honest job, but this year he has gone to a 100-mph delivery that leaves you breathless because you don't know if he's going to make it in time, if he'll cram the whole monologue in before the snap. Some of his observations are a little clunky, i.e., describing the replay of Allen Rossum's touchdown on a kickoff return against the Colts: "Now turn on the speed ... you can't slow down ..." Hey, the wedge gave the guy a lane as big as Broadway. How about telling us who those guys were on the wedge?

Joe Theismann, Paul Maguire, Mike Patrick, ESPN: The show is one star higher than last year, when it was so cluttered up with fan-input, interactive gimmicks that I wanted to cry. I've always liked Theismann, even though his chirpy delivery irritates some people. But if you listen to what he says, a lot of it really makes sense, such as his suggestion that the roughing the passer infraction be penalized in the same manner that roughing versus running into the punter is called: 15 yards for a serious shot, five for a minor brushback. Maguire is a funny fellow but his observations are still those of a not-too-educated fan. Falcons vs. Eagles: Linebacker Keith Brooking, a speedy guy who is very gifted in coverage, picks up the Eagles' 235-pound fullback, Cecil Martin, out of the backfield. "Linebacker on running back, that's the matchup they want," Maguire says in idiot-lockstep. Excuse me, but who, exactly, is supposed to cover the fullback? A cornerback? But what the hell, I'm quibbling. Counter-balancing it was this exchange that had me laughing out loud:

Maguire: What kind of coverage was that?

Theismann: They were in a zone.

Maguire: A zone? Do you see anyone even close to that guy?

Theismann: That's why they call it a zone.

TWO STARS

Brent Jones and Gus Johnson, CBS: OK on pass routes and coverages, weak on line play. Lots of intrusive quarterback head shots at the snap of the ball. Poor work by the spotters; tacklers, etc., not well identified. I can put up with all that, but Jones really let me down in the Titans-Eagles game when Philly's Todd Pinkston caught a 45-yarder down the sideline, taking a good two steps on the chalk en route. Jeff Fisher challenged the call, naturally, and while the ref was under the hood, Jones said, "He took at least two steps out of bounds." Attaboy, I thought. Then the verdict was announced. Feet in bounds. Play stands. "I think that was the right call," Jones said. Oh man, you showed such courage when you were catching Steve Young's passes and taking all those ferocious hits. Where has it gone now?

Tim Green and Kenny Albert, Fox: Swollen ego bothered me last year. Now it has been toned down. The observations, though, are basically of the surface variety. Example: Green Bay vs. Minnesota last weekend. Packers work their first drive from a three- and four-wideout set, and run effectively out of it, thus putting the Vikings in a bind. Do we get out of our nickel to stop the run, leaving us at the mercies of Brett Favre, or what? None of this pointed out by Green, whose focus was the running back. I don't like his habit of promoting whichever guys he's covering as the greatest. Randy Moss: "The best player in the NFL right now." Daunte Culpepper, after a powerful but rather standard 13-yard run: "I always thought McNabb was the best running quarterback. Now I'm not so sure." The guys in the truck also gave us a weird gimmick toward the end of the first half, after Culpepper's TD. They held the close-up shot on his back, sitting on the bench, while the subsequent kickoff action was vaguely hinted at as a kind of ghostly image partially viewed through his jersey. Never seen that before. Hope I never do again.

ONE STAR

Steve Tasker and Don Criqui, CBS: Tasker is a terrific guy and I've been rooting very hard for him, but he's in a hopeless situation. Criqui, who was very competent and professional when I worked with him in the booth 10 years ago, has simply let it slip away from him. I had a laundry list of embarrassments this season, but why flog it? It's not comfortable viewing.

NO STARS

Monday-night threesome with Dennis Miller, ABC: I don't want to seem hopelessly square, and I'm sure Miller is a pleasant enough guy to hang around with, but I regard this promotion as the ultimate insult. We are deliberately being told that the game is insignificant, and especially irritating when it interferes with our shtick, which involves Dennis on display. It is like a daddy bringing out his little kid in nighties to entertain the guests with a collection of jokes he heard at school. And everyone thinks, Oh god, will he ever send the kid to bed? So it's onward and upward with Danno and Dendoo, who gets annoyed with Fouts or Michaels when they have to excuse themselves to present a bit of the game. C'mon, guys, lets get back to having fun, OK? Once or twice a telecast they'll actually tell him, "Just a minute, Dennis, I want to get to this play." All I can say is that this is the worst excuse for presenting professional football that I've ever seen.

One final note about televised football in general: I don't give a damn about the overhead blimp. I don't care about it's length or its speed or the captain's name or where he's from. Just wanted to get that straight.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Paul Zimmerman covers the NFL for the magazine and CNNSI.com. His "Inside Football" column and Mailbag appear weekly on CNNSI.com. To send a question to Dr. Z, click here.

The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.

 

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