Grass-roots effort

One man's chance for change gains momentum

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Thanks for responding to the call for input on my idea of a four-hour spread between playoff games, to cut down on the overlap. Jimmy reported that mail was running about 80 percent in favor of it. He sent me eight e-mails on the subject, four pro, two anti and two offering other solutions, which makes it 67 percent in favor, eliminating the "others," which means that I'm still owed four in-favor e-mails, to hit the 80 percent. Whaddya say, Jimmy? You shorted me.

So I'll answer these first, OK? Then I'll tackle the responses to the other question I posed, regarding tattoos, then I'll deal with general football queries. At the Redhead's urging, I'm getting organized and laying out my game plan before the game, just so you can follow it on your charts and stay awake.

First, to respond to my four-hour supporters. Honestly, I thought there would be more of you, so many, in fact, that we could have organized a demonstration, in uniform, outside the league office, the problem, of course, being that the quartermaster would have had trouble outfitting all the strange shapes and sizes that would have been involved, mine included.

To Mike of Norton, Mass.: Thanks for your support. "Give me 45 minutes and I'll have my five kids fed, bathed and in their pajamas," he says. This has got to be close to a world record. What do you do, let 'em take their dinners into the bathtub? I can't even get the Redhead fed and bathed and in her pajamas in 45 minutes. He adds that he wants the Super Bowl on Saturday night, so it wouldn't bump into a school day and so his kids could stay up to watch it. My son Mike and I used to wage that battle every Monday night, but it was a moot point really, because on the few occasions on which I'd let him stay up for the second half (Steelers games) he'd fall asleep anyway. I'd wind up carrying him up to bed, and he'd mumble, sleepily, "Who won?" and I'd always answer, "Steelers," just so he wouldn't have nightmares.

To Bill of Ocala, Fla.: Thanks for your support. And I'm glad you agree with me that Dennis Lewin's fear that people would flip the dial to something else is pure nonsense.

To Steve of Sierra Madre, Calif.: Thanks for your support. Yes, the studio analysts would love it, and I'm sure that if the network geniuses worked on it a little, they could put together something imaginative to fill the gap. As far as their balking at the extra window because of advertising sales, or loss of same, I'm not sure I understand. Please elaborate. (Jimmy, if another Steve e-mail comes in, send it along, OK?). Thank you, incidentally, for the kind words about my work. A new Thinking Man's Guide ? Afraid not. I've already done three of them and, frankly, I'm kind of sick of it. Maybe in another format, if a publisher comes forward with ideas (Ha!).

To Serge B. of Montreal: Thanks for your support and the lavish praise that went with it. You're right, there isn't enough time to order a pizza between games. Personally, I try not to eat because 1) I'm usually so wired that I wind up gulping and choking; and 2) spillage is a real problem for the charts. Happened in the St. Louis lunchroom on Championship Sunday, while I was charting Pats-Steelers and I spilled coffee all over my paperwork. While everyone was hee-hawing, The Washington Post's Len Shapiro, quick as a whiplash, ran and got some paper towels. Lenny, baby, I owe you one. Serge B. wonders how long the average playoff game is. Well, each year I keep a record of the average time of all the non-OT regular season games (this season it was 3:05.41, not counting the games the scab refs worked in Week 1, and 71 of 217 were under three hours). The postseason average was 3:06.05, not counting the Raiders-Patriots OT contest, with New England-Pittsburgh the next week a hefty 3:46, thus creating an overlap, even with the delay. One odd thing: Every wild-card game was under three hours. As far as your other questions, I'll get to them later, OK?

Now for the two anti-four hour e-mailers. Dave of Minnetonka, Minn., would rather have the overlap than 1) having to endure more network pre-game drivel; and 2) having to wait for more football, even if it means missing part of the second game. OK, that's your opinion, but not mine. But as for your statement that, "I wouldn't feel pressured to finish a weekend chore during the aforementioned drivel," gosh, man, get your wife or your kids or your father-in-law to do the work. It's playoff weekend, don't you understand?

Jimmy of Detroit advises me to learn to use my VCR. Sure, I use it, but how about when I'm at a site? He also points out that no overlap means that he doesn't have to watch the kids, and I can't argue with this. "We're not charting games, we're WATCHING games," he reminds me, and if the implication is that perhaps I'm a bit strange, well, I've heard that before, about a thousand times.

Sridhar of Pittsburgh would like the two championship games to be played on Saturday and Sunday. OK, I've heard this before, too, and I wouldn't be against it, but how about the weekend load of wild-card and divisional playoff games?

Finally, Michael of Vancouver suggests that I lobby for shorter game times. A contest shouldn't take over two or two and half hours, he says. Nope, no way, not going to happen, not with all the increased commercial spots. I saw one game in which the network ran a commercial after a TD, ran another one after the kickoff, and then, when a guy was hurt on that play, went to a third one. That's six minutes, 45 seconds of commercial time vs. 15 seconds of action.

Getting back to Serge B. of Montreal: He asks why I took a minor rip at New England's offensive coach, Charlie Weis, during the preseason? Because when I tried to ask him something, he said, in a kind of snarly way, "Clear it through the p.r. department." So I wrote him off as a clunker and expressed that rather nasty sentiment in my column. I realize that this was totally infantile and had nothing to do with his competence as a coach, but we don't like to get blown off, either, and, well, I hope you understand that I'm leveling with you while others might not, even though they play the get-even game all the time. The aftermath is that I had some nice talks with Charlie during Super Bowl week, and I respect the job he did with the Patriots' offense last season.

Finally, and this will lead us into the second topic in which I called for feedback -- the idea of a Mickey Mouse tattoo. You suggest Mighty Mouse. I don't think anyone remembers him, and besides, the idea of mice anywhere on the body would raise hell with Little Jake, our kitten. I've seen how she handles these creatures.

Kurt of New Jersey "but lost in San Diego" likes the idea of my getting a tattoo, in case I run into a gang of bikers. Perhaps, but it'll have to be something uglier than a mouse. How about an Enron executive with a cleaver in his skull?

And Steve of Staten Island (Steve, you're either a cop or a firefighter because those are the only people who live in Staten Island, which is OK with me because some day I might have to ask you to fix some parking tickets for me) is worried about the Redhead's possible reaction to this tattoo thing. And so am I because it might drive her right into the arms of Mike, the abalone diver from California who's been pursuing her for umpteen years, and then I'd have to challenge the guy to a duel, and I'm not sure how I'd make out. Finally, Steve asks, how do I like the "new media," and the idea of interacting with my audience? I love it. I can say what's on my mind, thanks to a very understanding editor. I can ramble on at inordinate length. I can, in essence, let 'er rip, and find out if I'm reaching anyone or just being silly. It's a good deal. Thanks for your support, incidentally.

Cory of Mississauga, Ontario, wants to know about the 49ers' second safety spot. They'll try to re-sign Lance Schulters if his shoulder is OK. Chicago's Tony Parrish and Arizona's Pat Tillman would command big numbers, and this doesn't make sense to me, since the draft will offer the most talented group of safeties in history. Thanks for the kind words.

An encore from Kurt from Jersey/San Diego: Thinks that Steve Spurrier and his homeboy, Danny Wuerffel, will get their comeuppance in the merciless world of the NFL. Let's give the guy a chance, OK? Jimmy Johnson drew a lot of smirks, too, but he came out of the college ranks and took the NFL by storm. If Wuerffel turns into a competent NFL quarterback, then Spurrier deserves a real round of applause. Defense? He won't mess with that department. He has Marvin Lewis for that.

J.T. Warner of Boston wonders why, under the wide, blue sky, the Texans signed Pittsburgh's troubled kicker, Kris Brown, for serious money. Me, too. Weeb Ewbank used to have an expression for that: Taking on other people's troubles.

Mark of Durham, N.C., wants the offensive interference penalty to include loss of down, to offset the heavy price for defensive interference. I don't think tougher penalties are the answer, and besides, the league is still so offense oriented that this won't have a chance. Nope, I think knocking the cheap 50-yarder down to a standard 15 is the way to go, and the NFL's director of officiating, Mike Pereira, agrees with me, but he can't get it past the Competition Committee.

On the same subject, Bill of Central Point, Ore., agrees with me and also likes the new alignment of divisions. I like it, too. The scheduling is more fair, and personally, it's a plus because if I'm still handling the AFC East in my preseason scouting reports, I won't have to make the trip to Terre Haute, land of the world's most vicious mosquitoes, to see the Colts.

Two observations about the Cowboys from Aaron of Raleigh, N.C. He thinks that the defense could be something special with the addition of La'Roi Glover and possibly Quentin Jammer, the big Texas cornerback, in the draft. Dave Campo is a good defensive coach. The defense is good already -- No. 4 in the NFL, behind an offense that was nowhere. The major concern, though, was that enemy rushers averaged 4.3 yards. Glover is a quick guy, a penetrator, but he isn't sturdy against the double-team. Jammer might not be around when the Cowboys draft at No. 6. How about Miami corner Phillip Buchanon? Campo mentioned drafting a running back when I talked to him at the league meetings, and I know that Jerry Jones likes Boston College's William Green, but I don't think it makes sense in the first round. Campo's got a real problem at that position. He'll be hung in effigy if he doesn't give Emmitt a shot at Walter Payton's record, but Emmitt's backup, Troy Hambrick, is merely sensational, at least in the opinion of your faithful narrator. They've got to re-sign him right away, but his agent might have other ideas, such as riding the pine and keeping his mouth shut for a year and then collecting the big bucks somewhere else. That would be a blow to the Cowboys, because this guy has Pro Bowl written all over him. Bringing in a hotshot rookie would merely complicate things.

Sven of Muskegon, Mich., wants my opinion of Vikings coach Mike Tice. A great guy to talk to. Gives it to you straight from the shoulder. I wish him well. As for the comings and goings this offseason, well, I can't argue with too many of them -- the cap and all that -- except that Kailee Wong, as a down rusher in Houston, could have big year, and I don't know where they're going to get as tough a safety as Robert Griffith. Then again, he's 31 and he's taken a lot of hits and he's coming off a broken leg. Re-signing Byron Chamberlain was big. I've already written that signing Kenny Mixon at the power DE spot was one of the best offseason moves. Corey Chavous will be a decent corner for them. And that's about it. I can't give much more of an appraisal until the games begin.

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