Back and forth

The 'bag man returns after a week on the shelf

I apologize to Jacob of Laurel Springs, N.C., and any others who had to go off the mailbag and the column, cold turkey, last week. It was a sick-type thing ... I mean in the literal sense, not in the tenor of my writing. Just couldn't keep it going for three pieces. Now I'm OK.

Hall of Fame questions took the lead, zip about the rankings. Now, this is really the way to get well. Jon of Cherry Hill, N.J., can't understand why I'm not higher on Chuck Foreman, the great Vikings halfback. I am, I am, I can find no negatives, and he was really superb as a pass-catcher. Did I say anything bad? Let me look and see. No, I didn't. But nothing good, either ... now I get your point. Just a momentary brainlock. When you're extremely good looking, you can't be expected to be smart, too.

Ashton of Miami wonders whether or not I really think Ken Anderson was a better QB than Phil Simms. Very, very close when they were in their prime. I just feel that Anderson had a few more years on top.

Mike of Illinois can't understand why I called Joe Klecko a runaway choice, yet I had to talk him onto the ballot. Here's what happened. Before this big list came out I was on the phone with Joe Horrigan of the Hall of Fame. I asked him for some of the names that were in so far, and he started reading them off to me. "How about Klecko?" I said. "Gee, that's funny," he said, "I don't see his name here." "Well, for God's sake, put him down," I said. "I'll put the nomination in writing and make it official." Maybe it was just a general oversight. Maybe his name eventually would have surfaced. I just thought it was weird.

To Darren of Reno, who wants to know which position will give me the toughest decision when it comes time to vote: Contributor. I'll have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom because I'll be laughing so hard. Next, Darren, respecting my wishes to keep the 12 names I sent in a deep secret, wonders if he could have five, just five of my lock choices. Darren, politeness counts, and if you only would have said, "Please."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" says the Flaming Redhead, who is peering over my shoulder. "Look, right here ... he says 'Please. Pretty please.' Are you demented or something?" Sorry, Darren, I need a little sicko fun, too. Lock choices -- Sam Mills, Klecko, Todd Christensen, James Lofton, Claude Humphrey, Bob Kuechenberg, Bill Parcells, Art Rooney Jr. See, I threw in an extra trio, just because I'd been such an ass.

Marc of Columbus has a question regarding his "beloved Browns." He wants to know how I'd rate the recent first-round drafts. Couch should be further along than he is right now. He still goes into a funk at times. Courtney Brown is ... how can I say this, since he's such a good person? Well, he's been a disappointment at the pro level. Gerard Warren has good moments, but you lose track of him at times, too. I wonder how hard he works. William Green, in the last month or so, has gone from dismal to pretty decent. Is Couch the long-term answer? I think you know what I'm going to say ... let's wait and see, too early to tell, and more of the same blah blah you hear from everyone else. Well, I'm not gonna say it! You deserve better. The answer is NO, HE'S NOT, and if anyone from his family is reading this, let me explain that they made me say it, see ... it wasn't my idea.

Eric of Baltimore would like me to evaluate Brian Billick's coaching job. Superb. The Ravens shouldn't be a contender and they are. Great job by defensive coach Mike Nolan, too, and don't forget it was Billick who rescued him from the junk pile. The odd thing about Billick, though, is that the one area that just doesn't seem to fall into place ... it never has since he's been a head coach ... is the quarterback position.

Sean of San Jose noticed that I omitted Rich Gannon's name from my roster of top five MVP choices. Didn't I mention somewhere that I probably would find some glaring oversight about three days after the piece was posted? Well, I did. It was called Rich Gannon. Sorry, Sean. So I'll ask the tough follow-up question that you're too polite to ask -- if I add Gannon, who gets bumped? Nobody. Fifth place becomes a two-way tie. Whew, just got out of that one ... next trap, please ...

And here it is, from Jason of Oakland: Is Steve Mariucci the most overrated coach in football? Nah, because no one's rating him that highly this year. Everyone seems to be down on him, as you are. I think you're putting too much emphasis on gimmicks and innovation. That's only the window dressing. Look, for instance, at the way he always manages to put a functionally sound running game on the field. A lot of them can't.

I want to thank Dave, the scientist from Boston, for the kind of compliments I really enjoy. Praise followed by snappers. "You, sir, are an acquired taste," he writes. I like that. Kind of like olives, huh? "No, like squid," the Redhead says. Honey, just remember, I may be a squid, but I'm your squid.

Rob of Tracy, Calif., is going nutso with Joe Theismann's announcing on the Sunday night ESPN telecast. I believe the other two guys are worse, but Joe seems to be trying to reach their level this year. At one time I liked him as the only halfway knowledgeable voice among the ninnies, but now he just seems to be saying the hell with it and devoting the three hours to playing patty cake with his nursery school classmates.

This will all be discussed at length in my annual announcer's rating column, which at least one e-mailer this week, Mark of Bradenton, Fla., reminds me is due pretty soon. Coming, Mark, it's coming, and thanks for the nice things you wrote.

Titan Joe of Nashville wonders what it's going to take for Steve McNair to receive the credit he deserves. It's gonna take Dr. Z. My all-pro team will appear next week, and right now McNair is a finalist to go in a head-to-head shootout kind of thing I've devised against Bledsoe, Favre, Gannon and Vick. I know right now that I like him better than at least two of those names. I'll let my chart make the decision, but I'll tell you right now that I'm pulling for him because I always favor the unpopular choices for my team.

From Scott B. of Tampa -- "Your continued snubbing of the Bucs is getting ridiculous." Ah, a ripper at last. We thought you'd never get here. We were getting ready to lock the door and turn out the lights. Here, come sit by the fire, and let me show you the way I've handicapped them of late. Picked them to beat the Falcons and they did. Picked them to lose to the Saints and they did. Picked them to beat the Packers and they did. I don't, as you know, pick the high-spread games, unless I'm forecasting an upset or it's a Monday nighter. Why do I think the Steelers will upset them? Fat-cat syndrome. They've been hearing for two weeks now how great they are. They've clinched. I think there's a chance they could be mailing it in. Of course, there's also a chance that their obvious superiority in some phases of the game, plus their home field advantage, could tip it their way. I like the Steelers' rush scheme against their O-line. There's no way in the world Tommy Maddox should beat them -- at their place -- but the thing could ride on turnovers and overall intensity. And my general handicapping modus operandi is this: When I'm in serious doubt about a game, go for the upset because it's the strength of that feeling that's planted the doubt in the first place.

Jody of College Station, Texas, and thanks for the kind words about my work, has serious reservations about Dave Campo, based on a clock- and field-decision butchery in the 49ers game. They all butcher the clock at some point. They all make wrong decisions. I'm not kidding, all of them do. It's just too intense down there for clear thinking all the time. Let's be fair to Dave. Jerry Jones wanted a coach he could control, while he was paying him a minimal wage, and that's what he got. He wanted a fall guy to take at least part of the rap through what he knew would be a cap-starved period and he got that, too. I don't know whether Campo is capable of being a good head coach somewhere else, but I like him personally and hope he gets a chance.

To Bob of Chillicothe, Ohio, and Chris of Lenox, Mass. -- I know you didn't have real earth-shattering questions, and I know that Jimmy is being a good guy by sending along e-mails he knows will make me feel good, but in the spirit of Christmas and my idol, Ebenezer Scrooge, let me just say that I appreciate the sentiments expressed.

Steve of Bunker Hill, Indiana, wonders whether or not Dwight Freeney should be considered for the Pro Bowl and Defensive Rookie of the Year award. Well, for the latter, he has a two-word problem. It's called Julius Peppers. Pro Bowl? I can't comment. It's a popularity contest. He's on my all-pro check list, and I'm grading him, and what I see is a very explosive first step, and a terrific motor -- also a guy who benefits greatly from playing on artificial turf. He still doesn't know how to really play the run at this level, but a lot of other guys don't, either.

John of Austin would like me to evaluate the Vikings' defensive line. At this point, Hovan is one of my all-pro tackles. Robbins is just a guy. Mixon is good at the point. Bromell, as you say, has been disappointing. Johnstone is a chaser and edge rusher and there are better people in the league at what he does. Your P.S., of course, is the good part. Have I ever tried the wines from Francis Ford Coppola's winery in Rutherford in the Napa Valley? Oh yes, many times. I always used to head there for the Sunday hospitality event at the Napa Valley Auction (to which my press credential has subsequently been lifted, and that's a story you'd really enjoy hearing). Everyone else would head there, too -- for a chance to catch perhaps a glimpse of the great man himself, and to taste a very generous sampling of his top-of-the-line Rubicon, a blend of Bordeaux grapes. Usually there would be a nice vertical tasting you could assemble for yourself, four vintages or so, and I would line those Rubicons up, away from the crowd madness, and taste them ever so seriously, and take the best notes you've ever seen. The problem was that even with all that intellectualizing, I never really understood them. Dark, murky things. Very hard to figure out.

Well, that was in the dear, departed past. The last time I was there was about 18 months ago when I was doing a piece on the Giants' guard, Glenn Parker, and the work he was doing at Robert Mondavi, right down the road. We stopped in at the Coppola tasting room. T-shirts, jam, wicker baskets, linen (the Redhead bought four napkins), wines at $6 or so for a few tastes, lots of noise, a big crowd, your faithful narrator distinguishing himself by immediately getting into a jam with a couple of Bay Area yahoos ... "Can't you just relax and let things slide by?" said Linda, asking a question to which she already knew the answer. And so we lower the curtain on the Polish wedding called Coppola Winery.

Robert of Dallas wants to know why Marvin Harrison isn't being given more consideration for MVP. Because he touches the ball nine or so times a game. Holmes, Tomlinson and the quarterbacks are much more involved.

Another Vikings fan, Pete of Butler, Pa., wonders if Minnesota can play spoiler for the second week in a row. Sure it could. The Dolphins had to worry about the short stuff against Oakland last week. Now they have to defend the whole field, plus some serious running. The Vikings next year? Who knows? Let's see what the offseason brings. What do I attribute their much better play to? Ability of the QB to regain some of his old magic, which feeds the whole offense.

Two final questions from Troy of Auburn, Wash.: Is Matt Hasselbeck the real deal? Sure looks like he's turned the corner, doesn't it? Sometimes it just takes this long. No. 2: what would be my favorite matchups in the AFC and NFC title games? Eagles vs. Packers. Titans, if they stay on this roll and keep upping their game through the playoffs, vs. Raiders.

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