Whine and cheese

Packers' fans voice displeasure with my all-pro snubs

Let's get right to the heart of this, without any preamble. How could my all-pro team contain no members of the 12-3 Packers? Even worse, how come only two of them, Favre and Sharper, got brief passing mention?

I will now list the roster of people who registered these complaints ... or, rather, the people whose complaints Jimmy forwarded to me. I'm sure there are a lot more angry cheeseheads out there whose voices aren't being heard. The roster:

Craig of Minneapolis; Alex of Boston; R.J. of Appleton, Wisc; Jason of San Marcos, Texas; Gabe of Stamford, Conn.; Johnny of L.A.; Jamie of Milwaukee; and Dan of N.Y. My answer(s):

Brett Favre vs. Steve McNair came right down to the wire on my list. They were the last two. It was pointed out that Favre was playing well early in the year, while McNair and the Titans were struggling and that I seemed to overemphasize McNair's late-season burst. I'll agree with you that McNair was a struggling quarterback when Tennessee was 1-4. No contest at that point between Favre and him. Then, as the season progressed, he sort of took over, and don't forget, he had less to work with than Favre did, i.e., an often subpar Eddie George to handle the running, only one decent wideout after Dyson got hurt, a tight end (Frank Wycheck) who had all but disappeared from sight. And then there was the whole situation involving his own injury. Put it all together and you have got a career-type season, or final two-thirds of a season. Favre had another great year, another of many, but when it came down to it, I went with the guy who was having his dynamite season.

This was my most vulnerable pick, and I'm still not sure I made the right one, but -- and I'll be very honest here -- it made me feel good to do it. I've had picks where, intellectually, I was sure I was right, but in my heart I felt sad. The Terrell Owens pick, for instance. It's a much worse feeling. Right guard Marco Rivera was a Pro Bowl choice, and I graded him on the six Packers games I saw this year. In my guards section, I listed my top nine at the position, but failed to mention Rivera. That's because he graded out at No. 10, right behind the Niners' Ron Stone, which is meant as no knock. A team with the 10th best player at every position probably would be a serious Super Bowl contender.

I started doing work-ups on both outside linebackers, Nate Wayne and Na'il Diggs, but quit when I realized they would offer no challenge to the guys at the top of my chart, although they're both valuable players. Mike Flanagan, the center who's doing such a good job filling in at tackle, deserves some kind of special award, but I can't say he's better than my top centers or tackles. Let's see, who else was mentioned? Sharper? I had him on my team last year, and he was very close this season, although slowed by injuries. He ended up as the No. 2 free safety to Brian Dawkins. Quite a few people felt that I treated fullback William Henderson unfairly. My top three FBs were Corey Schlesinger, Fred Beasley and Tony Richardson, all of whom I feel are better blockers and short-yardage ball carriers than Henderson, although he's a smoother receiver. I would place him in my second rank of fullbacks, alongside guys such as Jon Konrad, Marc Edwards, Fred McCrary (very underrated) and Bob Christian. Then there are the freak types, such as Mike Alstott and Mike Anderson, who are more tailbacks than fullbacks, or the Vikings' Jimmy Kleinsasser, whom I think is a terrific player. But what is he -- fullback or tight end or what? I'm trying to make the point that this isn't just a fly-by-night thing. I work very hard at it, and if you want to tell me that Henderson should have made it ahead of Beasley, I'll go down my charts with you, game by game, and show you where I felt Beasley was better. If you want to present conflicting testimony I'll listen, but not to a bunch of hoo-ha.

Where are we? I'm getting dizzy with rosters, just as I did when I picked this team to begin with. Bubba Franks over Jeremy Shockey at tight end? It's a possibility, although he'd probably have to contend with Todd Heap and Tony Gonzalez, too. I like Franks in goal line situations, but I look at him as an occasional receiver, rather than as a consistent one. Shockey, it finally dawned on me after the Giants-Colts game, has changed the team's whole offense because of the way he has taken control of the hash marks. He has changed the way defenses must approach the Giants now. I don't think Franks can make that claim.

R.J. of Appleton mentions that Mike Sherman should get strong consideration for Coach of the Year. I gave him strong consideration. I considered him runner-up to Andy Reid and his backup QBs. Again, another Packer who didn't make my team but came close. I hope I've adequately answered all the complaints. Yes, it is bizarre that I couldn't find one all-pro on a 12-3 team, but I've tried to explain the process involved. One thing I absolutely will not tolerate, though, is the rippers out there who didn't even bother to read what I wrote. Who, you ask? Well, I'm looking right at you, Jason of San Marcos, Texas -- I see you cringing in the corner -- and sit up straight because I'm gonna quote what you wrote. This is what he wrote, folks: "You probably voted for that FB from Tampa Bay, the pansy that can't block..." Too busy to read my stuff, right, Jason? But not too busy to rip. Just imagine how long I'd last if I went about my job in the same sloppy, mentally deficient way in which you operate.

While I'm still in cheesehead land, let me finish up with part two from Johnny of L.A., who didn't really rip. In fact he actually praised me ... hey, thanks. He deplores, as I do, the vapidity of the TV analysts and has picked out a pet object for scorn, notably the guy who did Chargers-Chiefs last weekend. Well, John, I didn't watch the game, but I can find out who did the analysis. And that person is ... the envelope, please ... Beefo, the pride of Mosholu Parkway. No, just kidding. Actually, it was a guy who was a friend of mine during his playing days, Brent Jones, the former Niners tight end. A good guy and yeah, I'll admit he gets a bit carried away and hysterical at times, but let's go easy on him and save our real venom for the pretentious jerks who happen to be crummy announcers as well. I can just see next week's mailbag ... I thought you're supposed to be fair, and here you are, protecting your buddies and taking it out on the guys you don't like, etc. C'mon, folks. Just doing a little Christmas noodling around, and you know darn well that when it's time for the annual announcers column, friend and foe alike will fall under the blade of the headsman's ax.

Rippers of my Hall of Fame piece come next (Doesn't anyone like me anymore? Linda, do you still like me? Waddya mean, "sometimes." What kind of an answer is that?) O.K., Yuri Zanow of NYC doesn't really rip -- in fact he has a nice thing or two to say -- but he hits me where I breathe, KAPOW! In other words he's placing me in a very precarious moral position and I am not comfortable with this, no, not at all, and I can't call on any of my usual bag of tricks to bail me out. In brief, since I have been known to take a stand on things I believe are wrong, how can I justify voting for Bill Parcells for the Hall of Fame when, 1) for the second time he is digging a tunnel under a coach with a job (this time Dave Campo, after doing a similar number on Tony Dungy), and 2) others might be more deserving, such as double Super Bowl winner Jimmy Johnson and super-innovator Don Coryell. Have I accurately stated your case, Colonel Zanow?

O.K., gimme room, here. ... I need another full paragraph for this. Bill Parcells is an angles guy. We all know that. It's the reason he hasn't been accepted for enshrinement, and won't be this time, either. I wrote my Hall of Fame piece on Tuesday, Dec. 17. The story about his meetings with ^{Jerry Jones} broke four days later, on Saturday the 21st. Now if I had known that when I wrote my piece, would I have called him one of my lock picks? No. Would I have voted for him anyway? Not sure. But wait a minute, don't the rules say that a person must be judged solely on what he's accomplished on the field, not off it, and whatever you might think of him personally is irrelevant? Yes, correct. It's the argument I used in justifying my vote for Lawrence Taylor's enshrinement. So, Dr. Z, you've neatly boxed yourself in, morally; now let's see you weasel out of it.

I can't. There are no absolutes in this realm, no black and whites, and those who insist upon them remind me of those obnoxious courtroom lawyers who keep yammering, "Just answer yes or no." Last year's enshrinement meeting came two weeks after Parcells told the Bucs that at 60 he was too old to start coaching again. Emotions ran high when we discussed his candidacy. The pro-Parcells faction said "Let's judge him on his achievements, and besides, he says he's through with coaching, and even if he isn't, what difference does it make? There's nothing in the rules against electing an active coach." The "anti's" replied "Lies, lies, lies." The man's a congenital liar and he's using us, and we don't care what the rules say, let's make him wait awhile before we reward those lies. I thought long and hard before casting a vote for Parcells. And I didn't feel good about it. And if I had voted against him, I wouldn't have felt good about that, either, after seeing so much evidence of his genius -- yes, genius -- at work as a coach.

Shoot the calendar forward almost a year. Pre-Jones affair, Dr. Z writes that he's solidly in Parcells' corner. Now? More lies, more angles, more crap. I feel like a duck in a shooting gallery. But he's still the same coach, the achievements remain the same. But I'm not still the same selector, and if you get a real sense of waffling here, it's something a lot of my fellow analysts are going through. You mention Johnson and Coryell. If their names come up in January, they'll probably get more support than they would have, kind of an anti-Parcells backlash. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but my instincts say I'll probably cast a nay vote for Parcells, for precisely the reasons you mentioned. There comes a breaking point, and I think this Jones thing is it.

Whew, I'm worn out. Jimmy, for the love of God, feed me an easy one. What? Not yet? Ed of North Hollywood wants to know why I dismissed Too Tall Jones so casually as a Hall of Fame candidate. Only because I felt there were others a lot more deserving. I remember seeing him have a terrific game against the Bears in a playoff game in 1977 and I wrote a piece about the coming of age of Too Tall Jones. But he never did come of age. He remained a pretty decent player, terrific at knocking down passes, but kind of passive at times, too. Not a Hall of Famer in my book. And while we're at it, I sure appreciated those hall of fame comments of yours about my crankiness and sense of moral outrage. Now please convey those sentiments to Colonel Zanow, above, who is convinced that I'm the worst kind of moral worm. (I swear, I'm gonna have nightmares about this).

More -- groan -- Hall of Fame rips. Joe of Bridgeport, W.Va., wants to know how I can accuse Art Monk of building a career out of eight-yard hooks when his lifetime average was 13.5 yards per reception. I used the expression figuratively, not literally. Monk was a valuable person in Joe Gibbs' bunch offense, the guy who sat down in the zone and got the Skins a first down. And he did it year after year. I just don't think that's enough of a skill for enshrinement.

Eric of Sacramento wants to know what I have against Jack Tatum. First of all, he and Hardy Brown, the old Niners' linebacker, are the two hardest hitters I've ever seen. Tatum didn't have to drill Darryl Stingley when he was on the ground. The pass was incomplete. But he did, and paralyzed him for life. Did he ever try to get in touch with Stingley? No, instead he chose to cash in with that book, They Call Me Assassin. And I'm supposed to vote this guy into the Hall of Fame? Right.

Two people, Scott of Tampa and Mike of Lakeland, Fla., have pointed out that the fans at the Steelers-Bucs game were not booing Sapp for falling on Tommy Maddox's legs from behind, they were booing the call because Sapp was pushed. Thanks for clearing it up, fellas. The TV shot was unclear, and neither announcer did much to help. Please don't feel that I have it in for Sapp in some way. I grade his performance the same way I grade anyone else's, even going over backward for him at times because he's double-teamed so much. I especially liked the way he performed, pregame, taking that little jaunt through the Steelers' warm-up. This is really where it's at ... never mind what happens after the ball is kicked off. I don't list tackles and assists for defensive linemen, I list "plays." Forces, good penetrations that cause a play to blow up, good tackles, sacks ... each will get him a slash mark for a "play." My all-pro candidates usually average five to six slashes per game. A few weeks ago I had Chris Hovan with 12 of them. How many did I have for Sapp against the Steelers? One, and that was late in the game, almost at the point in which I suspend grading, because garbage time doesn't count. He was catching the blocks, going with the flow, generally keeping himself fresh for the playoffs. Nothing personal, you understand.

Shan of Philly wants to know if A.J. Feeley's for real. He has quarterbacked the team to victories over the Rams, Seahawks, Redskins and Cowboys, none of whom have what you'd call a devastating defense. His performance has been commendable, but before we award him a franchise of his own, let's see what happens in New Jersey against the Giants. Tough defense, tough place to throw the ball when the wind starts kicking up. This will be a test of sorts, but remember that the Giants are playing for a lot more than the Eagles are, even with all the hype about home court advantage, etc. Thanks for your comments about my work, Shan. This is the week in which I need uppers real bad.

More Eagles from Mark of Bear, Delaware (how did that town ever get its name?): Has McNabb fully matured yet? Has the success of his backups (and, I might add, his success when his mobility was limited by the broken ankle) created the impression that, possibly, he takes off too early? Possibly. Technically he's not perfect. Who is? But he's a great competitor and a guy who can improvise on the field and bleed first downs when he has to. Making him too structured might take some of that away, or maybe it would only add to his game. He's a work in progress, a rare talent, and, to answer your question, yes, maybe he does take off a bit early. But, good things generally happen when he's hoofing it. Thanks for the nice things you said.

Jon of Calgary, Canada, wonders about the fantastic success of Rich Gannon at an age when most QBs are hitting the wall. I'd say that it came because the Raiders found the perfect offense for him, Marc Trestman's Gnat Attack -- short, timed passes off a quick drop, underneath crossing patterns, everything in rhythm, great emphasis on the ability to read quickly (which Gannon is good at), old, smart receivers who can adjust on the go. Yep, it's perfect. And unique, too, unless more coaches start protecting old QBs in Gnat Attack offenses, except that some of them just aren't right for it, i.e., Vinny Testaverde, who's always been a down-the-field thrower.

Chad of Minneapolis wants to know what big-name players are the most overrated or are slipping the most precipitously. Let me just go down the Pro Bowl rosters and see what I find. Bryant Young was a terrific player at one time, and he's still functionally sound, but not the force he once was. Bills' guard Ruben Brown is a great holder and not a hell of a lot else. Lorenzo Neal is far from the booming blocker of his youth. Junior Seau's on the downside, particularly in his coverage. Ty Law and Lawyer Milloy really tailed during the season. Rod Woodson can't run anymore, although he makes plays with his smarts. Is that enough? Thanks for you know what.

Whoops, more e-mails on my all-pros, out of order, of course, because I'm so disorganized in the way I round up these things. John of Pittsburgh and Jason of Lima, Ohio, agree that the Steelers' Hines Ward, not Eric Moulds, was the receiver I should have felt bad about picking Terrell Owens ahead of... Is that right? Looks funny... let's try it again... the receiver about whom, when I picked Terrell Owens ahead of, I should have felt ... uh, that's worse. Anyway, I think the point is made, albeit ungrammatically. Didn't I have Ward on my team last year? Seems that I did. Maybe not, but at least he was close. You're right, a terrific receiver. Can't logically argue Moulds ahead of him, it's just a personal preference. Thanks for your kindness, fellas.

More encouraging words, this time from Ryan of Montreal. His guy is Roy Williams, the Cowboys' safetyman. Sure, I liked him as a hitter and a force, but I don't think he had the coverage responsibility the other guys did. Aside from a few jolting shots, which always get the announcers positively ga-ga, I'd lose track of him at times. I think as he matures he'll get to play more of a role in the overall scheme and he might -- repeat, might -- attain All-Pro status.

This I must repeat in its entirely, since it's kind of a goofy what-if -- From Chuck of Austin: "Let's play a guessing game, Doc. Say Parcells is the Cowboys' coach next year, who is the QB, Testaverde, Feeley, Kurt Warner, Ray Lucas, Kordell Stewart? What do you think of those choices?" A companion question would be, what would I think of their O-line. All these guys would have trouble behind the group that's lining up now. Testaverde? No. He's done. Feeley? Who knows, but at least he's young. Warner? If the Rams would be willing to let him go, he'd have to be severely damaged. Lucas? Hmmm, Parcells always liked him. Maybe we'd find out how much. Stewart? Don't think so. Just not accurate enough. Others? I can think of no others, but it's late and I'm tired and I'm sure that when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll have half a dozen names ready. How would Parcells do with the Cowboys? Depends on how they'd get the personnel department worked out. Jimmy Johnson was a terrific talent evaluator. Neither Jones nor Parcells has ever excelled at that skill. Would they bring someone in from outside? I doubt it. Too much ego involved. I'd really be curious to see how they'd run this department.

Ben of Seattle is wringing his hands at the woeful final weekend schedule, namely Sunday night and Monday night. Well, the people who plan those things don't know what's gonna happen before the season starts, and they matched up four playoff teams from last year. The only way to cure what you're complaining about is to keep adjusting on the go and the coaches would never accept this.

Finally, as a special dispensation to The Flaming Redhead, who likes to see nice things written about her rapidly declining husband, Jimmy presents the Kudos Korner, the weekly competition to see who can say the nicest things. We have two entries this week and guess what? Both will be awarded prizes. To Mark of Christianburg, Va., and Robert J. of Ottawa, I say thanks and the Redhead says thanks, and we'll close with our alma mater:

Rippers are punks
Oftentimes drunks
Better to find
A way to be kind.
The Doc's not so hot,
But he's all that you've got.

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