Tough customers

Users take good doc to task over McNair slight

Jimmy reported that "50 people e-mailed you about it, maybe more," but he hadn't included them all, only one, so I'd get the point, the point being, how could I name Favre and Garcia my two toughest QBs (in answer to a query a couple of weeks ago) and ignore Steve McNair? "One guy even mentioned that you'd picked McNair as your all-pro quarterback because of his toughness," Jimmy added, in a voice just as incredulous as the voice of the e-mailers.

Folks, you can have it one of two ways. You can all agree, yep, the doc has finally tapped out, and it's time for him to join the rest of the mumblers around the campfire -- and then you won't have this column to make fun of anymore. Is that what you really want? Or you can say, gosh, we all have our off moments, so let's give the poor old devil another chance.

To Kevin of Zionsville, Ind., whom Jimmy has designated as his spokesman for the Mob of Many. We are time-traveling. We are rolling the tape back, back, all the way back to a couple of weeks ago. I have a query in front of me. Who is the toughest quarterback in the game today? Gosh, that's an easy one. Steve McNair of the Tennessee Titans. After all, I picked him as my all-pro for exactly that reason. Tied for second would be Brett Favre of Green Bay and Jeff Garcia of San Francisco. Next question.

Many thanks to the following for their generous comments about my Frankie Ferrara piece -- Greg of Logan, Utah, Steve of NYC, Linda of Lakewood Drive (no, just kidding about that one), Tim of L.A., Joe B. of Kennesaw, Ga., and Bob of Columbia, Md. That story was so much fun to do that I don't even feel that I should draw a paycheck for that week. (And for those of you in the Newspaper Guild office reading this, it's a joke, see, a wisecrack). Bob of Columbia has a question: Is this Jim Fassell's make-or-break year? I don't think so. I think that if he steers a steady course and keeps the ship afloat, the Maras will leave him alone. They're not really into frivolous firing, no matter what the folks at WFAN demand.

Shaun of Vancouver, Wash., and originally Buffalo, is getting fed up with Bill Cowher's and Dave Wannstedt's late-season chokes. "Why the kid-glove treatment?" he wants to know. Granted, Cowher's teams have been outplayed, and on occasion outcoached, in the postseason, but the Steelers did make the Super Bowl, remember? And for a while his staff did do a good job coaching up the remnants of free-agency losses, which always seemed to outnumber the gains. With Wannstedt it's a little more serious. His teams just seem to die down the stretch. These are a couple of solid football people, though, who just don't seem to have that last little bit of oomph. I think I've mentioned before that I'm not a fire-the-coach guy. And I don't like writers who are ... the life of the necktie party. I'd rather try to call the shots as they occur and let people draw their own conclusions, unless, of course, we're dealing with an obvious clunker. Are you old enough to remember the days when people were yelling for the scalps of Don Shula and Tom Landry because they, traditionally, "couldn't win the big one"? I'm talking about year after year. I remember once talking to Landry -- I think it was after the Browns slaughtered his Cowboys in the playoffs -- and in a quite-shocking stream of consciousness he wondered what was wrong with him ... Why couldn't he develop teams that were tougher ... Was it something in his own makeup? ... And, if so, maybe he ought to get out of coaching.

John, a Vikings fan from Austin, Texas, wants my opinion of the Minnesota offensive line. Good. Mike Rosenthal was a good pickup. A natural RT. He'll give up the sack every now and then, but he improved during the season, and he's a good run blocker. I like Chris Liwienski at LG. A great improvement over Corbin Lacina. Matt Birk is a big-league center, but I thought he played better two years ago than he did last year. I've always liked RG David Dixon, who really gets into the flow and blasts those holes when the running game is going well ... which it did on occasion last year. The Vikes were No. 1 in rushing in the league but the statistic is misleading because a lot of those yards came in the latter part of games they lost. LT Bryant McKinnie was OK last year. Not a star, not a dominating player, just OK, a guy you can get by with. If he improves, with a full training camp under his belt, he'll be better than OK. I really like this line, though, when Jimmy Kleinsasser, the best blocking TE in the league, lines up in a down position and stops messing around as an H-back. Then the running game really has some firepower. Thanks, incidentally, for your nice words about my column. Whoops, wait a minute, there's a wine question tacked on. New paragraph, please.

What's a good Italian wine in the $15-20 range? Well, you mentioned Chiantis, so I'll try to set you up with something a bit heavier. Barberas from Piemonte, where they make the expensive Barolos and Barbarescos, are easier to understand -- loaded with fruit, good weight, etc., -- and a lot cheaper. Ditto Dolcettos, Italy's answer to Beaujolais, but of a darker and richer style. If I mention Amarones or Valpolicellas, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know about. Here's what I'd do if I were you: Round up about a dozen or so wine-loving friends. Set up a tasting in which each person has to bring a couple of bottles, a Barbera and a Dolcetto. Keep a chart so two people won't bring the same thing. For $30 or so, you can taste a dozen wines from each of two types. If you're running the tasting, provide pads and pencils for note-taking. Also food. And water. Spit buckets, too. Don't groan. This gives it a professional flair. It makes no sense to swallow wines you don't like, especially high-alcohol numbers like these. There are no taste buds in the throat. This is precisely the way I got into wines, around the turn of the last century or so. A distributor named Tom Abruzzini used to run tastings like this, except that he'd invite about 50 people up to his apartment, and if you knew how to use the old elbow you'd get to taste a million wines.

Jim of Seattle wants to know why Big Daddy Lipscomb is not in the Hall of Fame. Three reasons -- hints of drug use, accusations that he didn't go all-out all the time and, playing on a D-line that had two Hall of Famers, people figured it was easier on him. The first one's never been conclusively proved. There's some truth to No. 2, but a lot of guys took a play off every now and then in those days. No. 3, I believe, is nonsense. He was a great player in his own right, a tremendous pass rusher and cross-the-field pursuer. If his name came up at a Seniors Committee meeting, I'd back him in a minute, but his name doesn't come up. There are just so many other people, which is why, and I'll say it again and again and again, and I'll be saying it at my own funeral, they ought to bring in two Seniors each year.

My Hall of Fame Fantasy Team column drew a response from the Hall of Fame's Joe Horrigan, as in "Damn you, Joe Horrigan!" for telling me Jim Brown would be available to me on my No. 3 pick. "Don't forget," Joe writes, "that five teams passed on Brown before Cleveland drafted him with the sixth pick." OK, I won't forget. Next case.

From Alex of Austin, and thanks for the sentiments: How would I rank Ray Lewis among the top 10 linebackers of all time, and while we're at it, how about my top 10? Well, it would have been easier if Alex hadn't lumped all the linebackers together, since MLB and OLB are different positions. Why don't I just say, off the top, that yes, Lewis is top 10 all time, and I'll provide some of my others.

OLBs -- My top rush LB, Lawrence Taylor. Strongside LB, Dave Wilcox. Coverage LB, Jack Ham in a close one over Chuck Howley. All-around OLB, Ted Hendricks.

MLBs (not in order except for Butkus) -- Dick Butkus, Lewis, Willie Lanier, Jack Lambert, Mike Singletary, Joe Schmidt, Ray Nitschke.

That adds up to 12, and I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna cut two of these guys for Alex or anybody else.

Brad of Pensacola, Fla., wants me to solve the Brian Griese puzzle for him. Oh, there's something there all right, lurking in the shadows. After the Oakland game that you mentioned, his courage, at least in my eyes, was above question, but I don't think lack of courage is what Mike Shanahan had against him. I think there's been the hint of the flake, the unsettled character, some wheels that go backward -- falling down over his dog, the freak injuries. You ask people who know him and you get the occasional smirks, hand over the mouth. Oh, that's Brian, you know. Well, I guess I don't, uh, didn't know. I always thought he was a pretty solid citizen, careful in his approach, as his dad was. Go figure it.

Tyler of Wilmington, N.C., is concerned about the Panthers. Great D. Improved RB situation. But if you had to rate the combination of QB-WR-O-line, where would you rank it in the league? Bottom half-dozen, maybe? Perhaps John Fox will coach 'em up to 8-8, but I think anything higher is wishful thinking. Now watch them go 12-4, and e-mailers from South America to New Zealand will be reminding me how stupid I was.

Tyler ends his missive this way -- "This e-mail has been sponsored by Citibank. If the Bears can do it, why can't I?" Absolutely no reason at all, and I, too, want a piece of this action.

This Mailbag Column has been sponsored by Iams Hairball Care Original Premium Cat Food, favored and enjoyed with great gusto by Little Jake, the pride of Mountain Lakes. As the label says, with the class that only the lingua franca can supply: "Nourriture de haute qualité pour chats."

This brings back a daydream that I used to have when they held the Poulan Weedeater Independence Bowl. My daydream was that I was in charge of production and I set up an interview involving some player from the sticks, a real hick.

Interviewer: "What does playing in the Poulan Weedeater Independence Bowl mean to you?"

Player: "All my life I've hated weeds."

Bittersweet words from Dave of Denver. Likes the column but feels I brushed Marcus Allen off too summarily as a "great goal line runner." Sorry, Dave. Marcus was a fine all around football player, in the true sense -- blocker, receiver, etc., possessed, of course, with the warrior's heart and the great endurance. But his dominating talent was that of a goal line runner, his great knack for finding the small creases in short-yardage situations. He and John Riggins were the best, although he was better at it than Riggins was. You wounded me severely when you said that my words were "something I would expect from the sideline reporter on MNF." That was ugly, Dave. Glamorous I ain't, so please, let me at least be smart.

A double thank you to Jerry of Pittsburgh, 1) for your kind words about my work, and 2) for providing me with a brand new research project -- coaches' losses, including losing seasons. Jerry supplied the shocking news that Dan Reeves' 155 losses rank third on the all-time list, with a good chance to eventually move past Don Shula (156) and Landry (162) into the top spot. Now, if you would have asked me to name the top 10 coaches for lifetime losses, I don't think I would have thought of Dan, but there he is. I probably would have said George Halas, because in 40 years of coaching, the losses are bound to pile up. But Halas' 148 has him tied for fourth with Chuck Noll, who accomplished it in 23 seasons.

I noticed one thing about football's all-time losers. Four of the top five are in the Hall of Fame. Dan, of course, who's still active, was the only one who wasn't and who had never won a championship. Suddenly I was really into this thing, so I decided to list the guys who had the most losing seasons. Reeves was tied for third with eight, out of his 22 years of coaching. He was tied with Landry, who coached for 29 years, and Chuck Knox, who was in the league for 22. The record for losing seasons (nine) is shared by Weeb Ewbank, who coached for 20 years, and poor Marion Campbell, who was a perfect nine-for-nine. Halas, incidentally, had only six losing seasons out of 40, and Shula was an impressive two-for-33. Was anyone who coached 10 seasons or more ever perfect, with no losing seasons? Yes, three people. George Allen (12 seasons), Vince Lombardi (10) and John Madden (10). Marty Schottenheimer was 14-0 until he had the streak broken with a 7-9 record in 1998.

And of course I've gotten so tangled up in my charts that I've lost track of your question, Jerry. Here it is; "Do you think these numbers mean anything, other than Dan Reeves has been around a long time, or do you think it's kind of like the home run hitter who has a lot of strikeouts?" Good question. Well put. I think it's a case of Dan having too many strikeouts to go with his singles, doubles and occasional triples. But a home run hitter he ain't. Not yet.

Steve of Long Island wants to know which of the following teams that he believes have made major improvements has the most legit chance of making the playoffs -- Jacksonville, Buffalo, K.C., San Diego, Cincy, Washington, Dallas, Seattle or Carolina. I'd call it a tie between San Diego and Washington, although if Priest Holmes is OK, I like the Chiefs for the postseason.

Mookie, a Falcons fan from San Francisco, is worried that, a) defensive coordinators might be able to scheme Mike Vick, now that, b) he has only one good receiver, Peerless Price, and c) even Peerless might not be as effective now that he has no Eric Moulds to take the heat on the other side of the line, and considering all this, d) can the Falcons still be considered a Super Bowl sleeper? Yes they can, at least by me. Vick will still keep defensive coaches up nights ... don't forget that he had a jayvee crop of receivers last year. I don't know how effective Price will be, but he's better than what they had in '02. Stop worrying. Get some sleep. The Falcons will be in the playoffs. Thanks, incidentally, for your praise, but please, don't begrudge me my meager vacation.

C.C. of Staten Island, home of Frankie Ferrara, doesn't like the fact that the Jets have to travel to Tokyo, and then open the season at Washington in a Thursday nighter, and then have to face a rough early schedule. Well, nobody likes that Tokyo thing, but it's more than a month before the regular-season opener, and that should be enough time, unless the Jets lag in shaking their jet lag ("screamingly funny," mutters the Flaming Redhead). The Thursday nighter actually works in their favor. Opening week is the best time to have it, because everyone will be rested for the game, and then they'll have an extra three days to get ready for their home opener against the Dolphins. The schedule after that? At New England, Dallas at home, bye, Buffalo at home, then Houston on the road. Doesn't sound too tough to me. They could take three out of those four.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Paul Zimmerman covers the NFL for the magazine and SI.com. His "Inside Football" column and Mailbag appear weekly on SI.com. To send a question to Dr. Z, click here.

 

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