SI.com

 

Country as cornbread

Ain't nothing wrong with being a stock car fanatic

Posted: Tuesday October 29, 2002 11:57 AM
  SI Online - B. Duane Cross - Inside NASCAR

Surfing around for ideas (what, you thought column-writing was a well-thought-out process?), I beached at www.eracefans.com. One of its features was a Top 10 list for Signs That You Are a NASCAR Addict.

Several users submitted indisputable omens for those who've got it bad for stock car racing. And while no one ever said we NASCAR fans swim in the deep end of the gene pool, there were several clever observations, including one over-zealous fanatic who came up with 20, almost:

  • You only have 19 reasons because you are not fond of the Home Depot car.

    Well, he's got a point there. Many high-brows look at "go fast, turn left" as the personification of a Jeff Foxworthy family reunion. Au contrair, mon frère (which loosely translated means, "What you talking about, Willis?").

    Among the other admitted traits of NASCAR addiction from the grandstands:

  • You yell "Boogety, boogety, boogety" each time there's a green light.

  • When you teach your children to count, you use driver's numbers: Steve Park (1), Rusty Wallace (2), Dale Earnhardt (3), and so forth.

  • Your children can count from Steve Park to Jeff Burton -- and no higher.

  • You hope they build a track in New Jersey, so visiting family and friends there would be so much more enjoyable.

  • When you say you've got some "banking" to do, your first thought is of Talladega.

  • You've been around long enough to miss Curtis Turner, Fireball Roberts and Little Joe Weatherly.

  • Your lawn hasn't been mowed all year.

  • At the scene of your most recent rear-ending accident you explain to the officer that it was "just a racin' deal."

  • You go to Hooters only because it sponsors Brett Bodine.

  • You would vote for Richard Petty if he ran for president.

  • Your best pickup line is, "Who's your favorite driver?"

  • Just to save time, your paycheck is direct-deposited to NASCAR's account.

  • You watch all the commercials for "How bad have you got it?" and say, "Yep, been there, done that, got the T-shirt."

  • Your kids get into fights at school because the Ford kids are bad-mouthing the Chevy drivers.

  • You miss North Wilkesboro, and hate the cookie-cutter tracks.

  • You tell your UPS driver, "Drive the truck, Dale."

  • You say of dangerous drivers on the road, "Must be a Bodine."

  • You miss your brother's wedding on a Saturday night because it's the Bristol night race and nobody misses the Bristol night race.

  • Your dart board has Mike Helton permanently affixed as the target.

    If any of these hit close to home -- and I'm thinking more do than not -- yep, you've got it. But that's not a bad thing. And anyone who doesn't understand, probably never will.

    There's nothing wrong with taking in the smell of 93 octane, or arguing what's the better motor oil (three parts Mobil 1 with a quart of Slick 50, personally). It's perfectly normal to insist to your new wife that she buy Tide, simply because it sponsors a Winston Cup car (Lord knows the ex never grasped it).

    Yeah, there are a lot of NASCAR addicts out there, whether they want you to know it or not. Me? Well, let's just say I've fired up the barbie, lifted a long-neck and taken in the ... um, scenery, shall we say, in the 'Dega infield.

    It takes all kinds to make the sport go 'round, including the zealots who knowingly nod and wink to all of the above. And while I don't necessarily cotton to the idea all stock car fans are rednecks who believe Sherman was a firebug and should have been put up on arson charges, there's a lot to be said for a sport so Southern that cornbread is considered gourmet when served with butter on Sundays.

    And while all the stereotypes may not fit, most certainly do. Even the part about the wife. Cheer? Oh, please.

    B. Duane Cross is a senior producer for CNNSI.com.


     
    Related information
    Multimedia
    Visit Video Plus for the latest audio and video

    		•  


     
       
    SI.com GROUP: Sports Illustrated | Life of Reilly | SI for Kids | TBS/TNT Sports
    CNNSI SI Customer Service | SI Media Kits | Email Services | Press Room
    Copyright © 2003 CNN/Sports Illustrated.
    An AOL Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved.
    Terms under which this service is provided to you. Read our privacy guidelines.