Bank on it

Despite sponsorships, fans will continue to foot the bill

If the NFL is going to sell itself out, go all the way. After all, when was the last time the monolith did anything halfway? Why stop at "Bank One Corp. presents the Chicago Bears"? Why not bust a move with Hooters as an associate sponsor for the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders? Wouldn't Oscar Mayer hot dogs be a natural as a subsidiary contributor to Terrell Owens' on-field antics?

Imagine sitting in front of your Philips plasma wide screen, eating Doritos with Bryan bologna on Wonder white with Kraft cheese and Hellmann's mayo, kicking off your Reeboks while downing a Pepsi. The FOX broadcast opens with a wide shot of the Windy City, with advertisements -- Nobody beats The Wiz, Malcolm in the Middle, Rogaine, Viagra -- superimposed over several of the buildings.

Joe Buck, presented by Serta, appears dressed in a Brooks Brothers sport jacket with corporate logos -- Maaco, Amoco -- stitched on the breast: "Hello everybody and welcome to the NFL presented by AT&T on FOX. Today we've got a real Everlast slugfest on tap with an NFC North sponsored by Piggly Wiggly showdown between Bank One Corp. presents the Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions driven by Ford lately at 'We'd like to, but the naming rights can't be sold' Soldier Field."

Truly a TiVo moment, right?

Oh, it's coming. And this isn't some Chicken-Little-the-sky-is-falling rant. Think advertisements on uniforms aren't just around the bend? Don't look, Ethel -- the sporting goods companies already have their logos placed prominently on the jerseys ... and pants and socks and, of course, shoes. Think European soccer or NFL Europe.

It's all about the bling-bling, the greenbacks, the dead presidents, the moolah, the scratch, showing 'em the mucho dinero. And it's a matter of time before fans realize their hard-earned money will be better spent elsewhere. Ticket prices continue to climb, and player salaries are beyond common-man comprehension.

So what's Joe Fan to do? Let the corporate hawks foot the bill. If leagues and teams are being supplemented -- and that's what these sponsorships are, a supplement to their bottom line -- then the leagues and teams can afford to cut Joe Fan some slack on the tickets and concessions. ... Yeah, right.

Greed is good -- if you're on the gettin' side. If you're the one being got, it sucks. And right now, it sucks to be a fan of a major professional sports franchise. But Bears fans, CEO Ted Phillips is on your side. After "an inaccurate newspaper report misrepresented our arrangement with Bank One," Phillips was quick to spin the agreement in favor of the community service performed by Bank One Corp., which now presents the Chicago Bears:

"As the Bears' presenting sponsor, Bank One will enjoy a presence at Soldier Field, in addition to being the presenting sponsor for the team's community outreach projects and offseason events (Fan Convention, Draft Day Party, etc.). Creating an all-encompassing relationship is what makes the partnership between Bank One and the Bears unique."

Thanks, Ted. That makes it all better. Will the Fan Convention or the Draft Day Party become more enjoyable because of this agreement? Will the fans -- you know, the people who supported the Bears through Butkus, Singletary and Urlacher -- get a price break because Bank One has plastered its signage around Soldier Field?

No. And no.

And Bears fans, you can take that to the bank.

B. Duane Cross is a senior producer for SI.com.

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