Mark your calendar
There's a lot to look forward to in the next five months
Posted: Tuesday July 01, 2003 1:15 PM
Here's hoping everyone enjoyed the weekend. It was the last off-week of the year for gearheads, so strap yourself in for 20 consecutive weeks of Winston Cup racing!
Twenty weeks ... let's see now, before the season ends Nov. 16 in Homestead, Fla.:
The NCAA, NFL, NBA and NHL regular seasons will be under way. What a weekend Nov. 15-16 promises to be in South Florida, with 'Cuse at the 'Canes on Saturday and the Ford 400 and Ravens-Dolphins on Sunday. And if the Heat and Panthers are on the road -- even better!
Nemo will have been found to the tune of more than $300 million. Maybe Kenneth Starr should have employed some of the fish at Whitewater; it would have saved U.S. taxpayers $64 million -- the cost of the 2,090-page, five-volume "Final Report of the Independent Counsel In Re: Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan Association" -- in discovering that Bill and Hillary did nothing wrong.
If the final five months hold to form -- and John Andretti gets a ride and wins at least $509,360 -- 39 drivers will accumulate more than $2 million in winnings this year, up from 34 last year. Mike Skinner could be the 40th multimillionaire, but with $1,004,150 in 14 races (and unemployed at the moment), he's a long shot.
Ted Kennedy will be the only Democrat not to announce he will campaign for the party's presidential nomination. Of course, every other Kennedy will be linked to the nod. Howard Dean, you're destined to be the Dick Trickle of the '04 race for 1600 Pennsylvania Ave -- a good choice, but the guy with more money wins the prize. Sadly, I might add.
Mike Helton and Saddam Hussein still will not be seen together in the same room. Coincidence? In the 53rd quatrain, Nostradamus wrote of a quiet time in the land of sand until the noise machines make a connection for boucoup coin. Hmm, there have been increased terrorist attacks in the wake of NASCAR's multimillion-dollar deal with Nextel. Coincidence?
Yankees fans will revel in another collapse of the Red Sox, celebrating the 85th consecutive year Boston failed to win the World Series. Beantowners are huge Kyle Petty fans -- 660 career starts since 1979 and no championship.
Robert Stack, Hume Cronyn, Gregory Peck. Maynard Jackson, Lester Maddox, Strom Thurmond. Death comes in threes. Who will complete the Katharine Hepburn-Buddy Hackett trifecta? Take your pick of any of the 43 drivers who start a Cup race at a track that doesn't feature soft-wall technology. It's been more than two years since safety became NASCAR's biggest headache; make it happen -- sooner rather than later.
Friends will mercifully begin its countdown to The End. The Thursday night must-see staple has turned TV upside down since its 1994 debut. How else to explain that yakker Andrew "Dice" Clay's Bless This House flopped, but Darrell Waltrip -- who was still six years from retirement in '94 -- has become a boobtube icon?
Britney Spears will continue to fade from our consciousness. Whew, good to know her magic carpet ride is crash-landing. Fans can pick up her new CD Songs that made you long for Debbie Gibson at the bargain bin at the nearest Kmart. But if you still aren't satiated, don't forget: NASCAR and Britney have teamed up for a movie. The flick will be in production through the summer, wrap before the end of the year and voilá be on a big screen by the time you can say Hideo Fukuyama.
There will be only 14 weeks until the gentlemen start their engines for the Daytona 500.
B. Duane Cross is a senior producer for SI.com.
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