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USGA flubs another ruling

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Posted: Monday July 09, 2001 4:48 PM
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I swear the guys at the United States Golf Association who come up with the rules on amateur status are a bunch of ... um, amateurs. (Don't worry, this lame punchline will be changed to something witty and clever by a brilliant editor by the time you read this. In fact, you'll have to pause to wipe away the tears before you go on. Trust me.)

MAILBAG
I will be attending my first PGA event in August, the PGA Championship. I have tickets for each day and probably will check out the practice rounds. Any advice as to whom to tag along with during the tournament? Whom should I avoid? Is it really worth it to follow Tiger Woods for a round?
—Eric, Norcross, Ga.

You're much better off following Tiger in a practice round, Eric, than in the tournament when the entire free world is in his gallery. Tiger likes to duck as many fans as he can at majors so he often goes out early. I'm talking first light, 6 a.m. It's not unusual for Tiger to finish a practice round before the majority of the spectators shake off their hangovers and show up. During actual play, John Daly is always good entertainment and very fan friendly. I'd check out Retief Goosen, the new Open champ, and rookie Charles Howell, who hits it a ton, if he gets in the field. And, of course, that writing fool, Brandel (Total Shambles) Chamblee .

I agree with your comment that putting statistics don't identify the good putters. What if the length of each putt made to close out a hole were added up for the whole round. The higher the figure, the better the putter. At least this would show who's draining the long putts.
—Mitchell, Mililani, Hawaii

I hear about ShotLink during TV broadcasts, but is the information available to the public?.
—John Poprac, Los Angeles

ShotLink, a new laser-based system the PGA Tour is trying to start up, will give distances on every shot, Mitchell, and provide remarkable putting stats. We'll know who has the best make percentage from six feet, 12 feet, any distance; who hits it closest with a 6-iron on average; and so on. The system isn't up and running quite yet, in part because of a dispute over whether tour caddies should be paid for providing club information. ShotLink is being used around the greens on golf telecasts, as John and others have noticed, but it's not yet available to the public or even the rest of the media, as far as I know. It will be soon, theoretically, but ShotLink's start date has been pushed back time and time again.

Supposedly he's a good guy, but I have to take Bruce Fleisher to task for a couple of things he did during his U.S. Senior Open win. First, it kills me to hear a player scold his caddie for yardage or club selection on the course, never mind in the press tent afterward, as Fleisher did. Second, wearing those brutal sunglasses while being interviewed on NBC, he looked like a guy going through a mid-life crisis. Hey, Flash, now that you've won the Senior Open, take responsibility for the shots you hit -- and lose the shades! Maybe that will help those pathetic TV ratings.
—Sean McCarthy, Norwell, Mass.

The first rule of being a pro, for the sake of your confidence, is that a bad shot is never your fault. The only thing that can help senior television ratings is a 50-year-old Jack Nicklaus or mandatory Hooters girls as caddies. Hey, I think I'm onto something ...

You gotta love the way things are setting up for the British. Sergio García and Phil Mickelson have been playing well, Colin Montgomerie finally showed up, and Tiger Woods is struggling. Any picks? I'm taking Tiger again, but after the blowup following the first round of the Western, I'm starting to second guess. We haven't really seen the petulant Mr. Woods in the past few years. What's up with him? I know he can't win every week, but he seems a tad more edgy than usual. Is it as simple as just being frustrated or is it something else?
—Casey Haverstick, Austin, Texas

'Stick, Tiger is so isolated that what's up with him is just guesswork. Only an absolute idiot wouldn't pick him to win the British. So I'll go with the lefties: Mickelson, MIke Weir and Steve Flesch. OK. And Tiger.

So let me see if I've got this straight. Some golfer (could be a guy, could be a girl -- I'm not allowed to check) gets a college scholarship to play golf. That's a $15,000 value a year in tuition, room and board. Maybe $25,000. (You can get a good used Lexus for that kind of money. Not that I'd know. I'm driving a '96 Camry I picked up in Arkansas.) A free education. The value and opportunity of a lifetime. Free training for the pro tour. While this player is on the team, the coach scores him all kinds of free stuff -- shirts, clubs, balls, bags, shoes. The team van looks like a Pro Golf Discount store. Luckily, thanks to the new USGA rules, accepting this free stuff is now OK. In fact, I, too, am allowed to accept free stuff. Great. Where do I sign up?

There's more. After college, five of the best years of his life (the running total on tuition has now reached $75,000, Jaguar territory), said golfer can try to qualify for a professional tour. Like, say, via the PGA Tour qualifying tournament. Thanks to the USGA's latest cutting-edge rules change, if he doesn't successfully make it through the qualifier, he can go back to being an amateur. Before the revision, just applying got one kicked out of the amateur ranks.

Naturally, you can see what a huge rules change this is for you and me. Long overdue. An absolute boon. Life-changing. I'll probably try the Q school every year now, what the hell.

So let's add it up: College kid gets around $100K in tuition, free coaching and video instruction, free golf, road trips on which he doesn't have to use his parents' car, tournaments every week and free equipment en route to going pro. If he doesn't make it, he can stay an amateur. If he does make it and plays the tour for a bunch of years, he can always apply for reinstatement, a process similar to becoming a reinstated virgin.

Me, I can now get free stuff (as if I'd ever get any if I wasn't low-life media scum). I can try Q school at no risk (except for that $4,000 entry fee), which would be a nice perk if only I didn't have a better chance of being Meg Ryan's new best friend than beating a bunch of tour pros in a qualifying tournament. (In unrelated news, it's additionally unfair that all those players are way, way better than I am. This is a serious inequity that I'm sure, if I lived in California, could be rectified in court.)

The USGA deserves a round of applause for finally making the rules. A college player gets handed a total package worth up to $200,000 (OK, it's a rough estimate, figuring in the tuition, travel, expenses, instruction and tournament experience) and can stay an amateur. I can take free equipment (a complete Fantasia meets Godzilla pipe dream) and I am allowed to win no more than $500 in merchandise from an outing (that I probably paid $250 to enter) without forfeiting my amateur status while working a 40-hour-a-week job. Holy King Solomon, Batman! What could be more fair?

Get serious. If you're going to fix the rules, do it right.

Rule 1: If you accept a scholarship to play golf, you're no longer an amateur. If you want to remain an amateur, you can be a walk-on. Give the U.S. Amateur back to the real amateur players.

Rule 2: If you ever play on a pro tour and compete regularly in any series of professional events, you are permanently a pro. There is no reinstatement. Never. Sorry, Mitch Voges and David Eger and the rest of you former tour pros. That's the way it is.

Rule 3: The new amateur merchandise limit is $2,000. Hey, you can't even get a decent set of irons for $500 anymore. Oh. I forgot. I'm allowed to get free equipment now. Yeah, right. Let's see, at $400 apiece for a driver and two fairway woods and $750 for a set of irons -- well, I don't have enough left for a sand wedge or putter but I can get a dozen golf balls (as long as they're not Titleist Pro V1s at $54 a dozen). Oops. Silly me. I'm allowed to accept free golf balls, too.

Rule 4: If an amateur wins a car or the use of a car or some other luxurious perk for making a hole-in-one at some charity outing, the amateur can keep the prize and amateur status, but must reduce his or her handicap by six shots for the next 12 months (and on weekends at the club, he must accept all press bets -- you make the call).

The next time the USGA decides to rewrite its rules on amateur status, I just hope they act a little more ... professionally.

(Don't worry, this is where the cunning editor changes the last line to: Stay tuned. Yes, you may now wipe away the tears of laughter again.)

Sports Illustrated senior writer Gary Van Sickle is a regular contributor to the magazine's Golf Plus edition. Click here to send him a question or comment.

 
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