Way O.B.

Face it, Hootie, the battle's over and you lost

Calvin Coolidge was supposedly one of our most curmudgeonly presidents.

There’s the story, perhaps apocryphal, about him being approached by an ordinary citizen, who said, “Mr. Coolidge, my friend bet you wouldn’t say three words to me.” Cool Cal answered dismissively, “You lose.”

The bad news is we’ve got the same answer for the curmudgeonly gang destined to be dubbed Hootie and the Blowhards any day now in the pseudo-controversy about Augusta National Golf Club, host of the Masters Tournament, not admitting women members. You can run, gentlemen, but you can’t hide. Let me offer you the Coolidge translation: You lose.

The battle is over and you’ve been defeated, you just don’t realize it yet.

That’s not a snowball rolling your way, guys. It’s an avalanche. That’s what the media does in the 21st century. It’s a shame, too, because this whole episode could’ve sparked a healthy discussion about private clubs, their membership policies and the freedom America gives them to associate with whomever they please. A lot of people, especially a lot of people in golf with a similarly vested interest, agree that private clubs have the right to choose their members and make their own rules. Unfortunately, the facts no longer matter in this trial of public opinion, Women vs. Augusta National Golf Club. They have been swept away in a maelstrom of talking heads, sound bites, selective feminism and political correctness.

Because of Masters chairman Hootie Johnson’s heavy-handed handling of a matter that could have (and should have) been addressed behind closed doors, the only issue still standing in the public’s eyes is whether Hootie and his pals are sexists, raging sexists, elitists of the worst kind or Cro-Magnons.

That shouldn’t be the issue but it is... or soon will be. Their position is the same as a politician asked the ultimate no-win cliche question, “So, Senator, have you stopped beating your wife yet?” Hootie and the Blowhards will be forced to defend the undefendable. In the coming media feeding frenzy, no one will listen to their facts. The questions, of course, will be strictly professional and pertinent -- mainly, will there be picketers during the Masters next April if Augusta National doesn’t accept female members and if so, um, will they be topless?

You may have noticed but who’s not having a better year than Hootie Johnson?

The answers include even beleaguered baseball commissioner Bud Selig , who averted a strike but still wears the expression of a doomed man; Justin Timberlake , who lost poster-girlfriend Britney Spears and whose 15 minutes of fame is perilously close to its expiration date; and Al Gore , who’s at least no longer a human punchline.

Strike one: Hootie sent out letters that uninvited several former Masters champions from competing in an event that had granted them lifetime invitations. A stung Gay Brewer skipped this year’s Masters and an intimidated Arnold Palmer , the most popular player in the game’s history, called it a career at 72 because he “didn’t want to get a letter next year,” he said.

Strike one-and-a-half: Augusta National spent millions refurbishing -- OK, lengthening -- its course in an effort to stay one step ahead of technology and today’s longer-hitting players. Many saw the changes as too dramatic, altering the historic course’s character beyond recognition and, possibly, unnecessary. Funny, Muirfield was considered short by major championship standards yet the British Open may have been the year’s best test of golf and, oh yeah, you-know-who didn’t win it.

Strike two: The women at Augusta National issue is hot-button stuff because of Hootie himself. (Attention, Bonehead of the Year voters, we have a clear leader in the clubhouse.) When Martha Burk , head of the National Council of Women’s Organizations, wrote him a private letter raising the possibility of the club admitting women (currently women are allowed to play as guests), Hootie fired off an Archie Bunker -like response in which he declared that the club wouldn’t be “bullied” into admitting women “at the point of a bayonet” instead of sending back a thanks-for-your-suggestion-we’ll-look-into-it form letter. Worse, he was apparently arrogant enough to think the world would agree with him and made his gruff answer public.That was the match that lighted the current bonfire.

Strike three: Hootie still thought he could extinguish the blaze last week by dumping the Masters’ sponsors and televising the tournament commercial free.

The women’s group couldn’t pressure Masters sponsors into pressuring the club to admit women if it didn’t have any sponsors or so he thought. Burk replied by saying NCWO will focus on CBS, which televises the tournament, and by spotlighting the corporations that employ some Masters members. Hootie called an end run here but the defense was ready for it. He’s going to get hit for a loss.

Much like the baseball disagreement, however, it’s hard to find much to like about either side. Burk originally talked about forcing the Masters to another site, an absurd an idea as moving the U.S. Presidential primaries to Denmark, and after Hootie’s sponsorship ploy, predicted the club would either admit women or “fade as a major tournament.” This cluelessness about golf undermines her group’s credibility.

This whole controversy misses the point. Women’s golf is brimming with important issues. Discrimination? Yes, it is out there. Many clubs across America deny equal access to their female members, who often aren’t able to play on weekend mornings, are not-so-subtlely discouraged from playing, period, and have little or no vote in club policies. At some clubs, if the husband dies, the wife loses her membership. There have been numerous incidents of hazing and harassment by men and subsequent lawsuits -- see Marcia Chamber’s book, The Unplayable Lie, for the sordid and sorry details of cases such as one in which a pack of men in carts literally ran a woman member off the grounds. Where was the support and public outcry for them? And take a good look around. How many women club professionals and female golf instructors have you noticed? More than a decade ago, yes, but the number is damningly low.

These are the issues that matter in women’s golf and while not universal, they affect great numbers of women golfers, who comprise one-fourth of the golfing population. But instead of addressing significant issues, we’re all hot and bothered about what? One foursome of women who may gain entrance to Augusta National? If this is what we’re going to focus on, one creaking tree limb while the forest burns around us, I have one thing to say:

We lose.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Gary Van Sickle writes for the magazine's Golf Plus section and is a regular contributor to CNNSI.com. Click here to send him a question or comment.

 

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