It just keeps getting worse

Playing a bad golf course apparently is a red badge of courage for us hacks, perhaps as much so as teeing it up on a Top 100 layout. When I devoted some space to assorted goat tracks and cow pastures last year, readers kept responding with more Bad Golf Course nominees. I'd hate to deprive you of any more tales of horror, so welcome to Bad Golf Courses, Volume III ...

You wanna know about a dump of a golf course? Then come on over to Evansville and take a look at Hamilton's Golf Course. The club includes an 18-hole championship course (I use that term loosely) and two nine-hole tracks. On any of the given courses you can often find trenches that look like something out of Caddyshack, hidden sinkholes that can consume your ball, and greens that look no different from the rough. What makes this track particularly sad is it's actually named after Bob Hamilton, the 1944 PGA champion who upset some guy name Byron Nelson in Spokane. I bet Hamilton is spinning in his grave about this defamation of his name.
—Chris Lindy, Evansville, Ind.

Consider yourself lucky, Lindy, to play such a hidden gem. I'll go check the US Airways flight schedule to Evansville immediately.

Mosholu Golf Course, Bronx, N.Y. Old? Check. Beat up? Check. Wildlife includes and is limited to mice, rats and raccoons (maybe a stray dog now and again). It's gotta be considered bad if the main reason for backing off a tee shot on the opening hole isn't nerves, it's because the No. 4 train from Manhattan is pulling in 30 feet above the tee box.
—Chris Lee, Bronx, N.Y.

So I could commute from my mansion in Westchester to this bad boy? Cool.

Worst golf course experience in 2002: an 18-hole course, Chisholm Trail, outside of Abilene, Kan. A local doctor opened the course several years ago and hoped to have a poor man's Prairie Dunes (90 miles to the south). Unfortunately, the summer drought absolutely took its toll and most of the grass on the course simply perished. It's got rock-hard tee boxes, tall grass on the greens (to keep it alive), and barren, dusty fairways lined with weed-infested rough. The layout is decent, but it's far enough off the beaten path that it doesn't generate enough revenue to pay for water.
—Scott Schumacher, Olathe, Kan.

Yeah, it turns out water is kind of instrumental in the science of growing grass.

I haven't necessarily had a terrible experience with a golf course (though I've played on some goat ranges), but I did have a rather interesting experience on a golf hole last year. I was playing Soaring Eagles Golf Course in Horseheads, N.Y. (Joey Sindelar's home course), and I hit a decent approach to the par-4 fifth hole. The green has a large ridge running front to back right in the middle of it, along the lines of a continental divide. The pin was cut on the left side of the divide. I hit my second shot on the green and had about a 10-foot birdie putt. As one of my playing partners stepped up to hit his shot, one of the greenskeepers, who was waiting by the side of the green and watching us, walked onto the green and changed the location of the pin. Of course, he moved it to the other side of the divide, leaving me with a much more difficult birdie attempt. I've never seen anything like it on a golf course. I still made par, though.
—Tom Galvin, Corning, N.Y.

Apparently, you didn't get the message, Galvo. Slip the guy an Andrew Jackson and, voila! You've got a 10-footer for birdie again. How do you think Sindelar got so good?

I learned to play golf on a nine-hole course that used to have 18 holes, Cypress Golf Course in Colma, Calif. Back when I played there, the starter would be in the "clubhouse" looking at a monitor showing the first fairway. As soon as the group ahead had hit, the starter would start yelling. In case you don't know, Colma is known as the city with more people underground (read: buried) than above ground. There's a par-3 hole that's OB to the left because you'd land in dead spots! There's almost always no grass, the water hazard smells, etc. Great driving range, though.
—Kit Vergara, Manila, Philippines

Thanks, Viagra Guy. Sounds as if we'd better alert the driving range king, John "Mats Only" Garrity.

U-(don't-)Haul, but he does

Increased security for checked luggage has made traveling through airports about as much fun as playing bad golf courses. But thanks to one man, tour players may now have the option to fly without dragging their golf bags around with them. Veteran tour caddie Steve Hulka, currently looping for Pat Bates, hopes to start hauling a one-ton custom trailer to transport tour players' golf bags (and suitcases) from tour stop to tour stop. He's charging $1,500 for the season and guarantees a dawn Tuesday arrival at most tournaments. The unique service will be up and running if Hulka can get at least 50 players signed up. If not, sir, could you please step over here and remove your shoes and hat?

Sports Illustrated senior writer Gary Van Sickle writes for the magazine's Golf Plus section and is a regular contributor to CNNSI.com. Click here to send him a question or comment.

 

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