How to revamp All-Star Weekend

Granted, I don't hang out with the hippest crowd, but I've yet to hear anyone I know say, "I can't wait to see how Justin Timberlake does at All-Star Weekend." As far as I'm concerned, about the only thing more boring than watching Hollywood celebrities play basketball is watching sportswriters play basketball. I've done both, so I'm a pretty good judge. There are now two All-Star Weekend games involving celebs. One is a regular part of the NBA festivities on Saturday; the other is a TNT special on Friday with Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith as team head coaches.

So, the first way I'd improve All-Star Weekend is by saying to Justin and Frankie Muniz and all the other hoopin'-it-up entertainers, "Sorry, guys, but you didn't get the part." Actually, that might be way No. 2, but I've carped so long and so loud about how the slam dunk contest has become irrelevant that I'm tired of hearing myself.

Look, here's my point: While there might be an infinite number of ways to prepare chili, wash your car or make love, we've long ago run out of original ways to dunk. It has something to do with gravity. The league should've killed this thing off in 1988, a couple sponsors ago and right after a spine-tingling mano-a-mano dunk-fest featuring Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins, the latter being the most underrated dunker in history. It never got any better than that; it literally couldn't have gotten any better than that.

The only way to save the dunk contest, in my opinion -- and I'm serious about this -- is to turn it into a competition among guys who can't dunk, or who almost can't dunk, players such as John Stockton, Mark Jackson and 5-foot-5 Earl Boykins. Fans would identify with it because most of them can't jam the ball either. See, we've now witnessed so many successful dunks that a missed dunk (remember the oohs and ahs when Jordan clanked one in last year's game?) presents a far more entertaining visual.

Another idea: Create an old-timers 3-point shooting contest. The failure of the gone-but-not-lamented Legends Game was that the Legends simply couldn't play anymore. It was like watching an average game in any city league without the postgame beer drinking. But old-timers can shoot when they're standing still. Let's see Bob Cousy do his strange one-handed push shot, sometimes accompanied by a wrong-footed (left) leg raise. Let's see the the Big O, Oscar Robertson, duel Jerry West. Let's beg Larry Bird to come back so we can see if he's as cocky as ever. Make it a free-throw contest if these proud men don't want to launch bombs.

A final idea comes from a gentleman named Todd Uydea of Pleasanton, Calif., one of my mailbag readers. Instead of the usual East-West rosters, Todd suggests, turn the All-Star game into the world's best pick-up game. Under the Uydea Plan, the fans would choose all 24 All-Stars, regardless of conference. The two top vote-getters would serve as captains and they would select the teams. "Imagine the subplots!" writes Uydea, his enthusiasm reflected in his use of an exclamation point. "Will Kobe pick Iverson? Will Yao pick Shaq? Will anyone pick Vince Carter?"

Sports Illustrated senior writer Jack McCallum covers the NBA for the magazine and is a regular contributor to SI.com. Click here to send a question to his Mailbag.

 

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