The Sterling Awards

It's time to recognize the wild and wacky of 2002-03

It's at least one week too soon to present the NBA postseason awards. In fact, it would be best to delay naming several of the winners, particularly the MVP, until we're deep into the playoffs, considering that all of the worthies (in alphabetical order: Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Allen Iverson, Jason Kidd, Tracy McGrady, Dirk Nowitzki and Shaquille O'Neal) will still be in action. It is the perfect time, though, to present awards I'm naming in honor of a man whose franchise hasn't made it out of the first round of the playoffs since he bought it in 1981, a man who specializes in making chicken slop out of chicken salad, a Neroesque exec who routinely fiddles while his team burns. I speak, of course, of Donald Sterling of the Los Angeles Clippers.

So, while the Clippers, sitting in last place in the Pacific Division, prepare to pack their bags in April once again, let us get on with The Sterlings.

The Sterling for Owner of the Year goes to ...

Uh, Donald Sterling. By refusing once again to loosen the purse strings in order to keep his team's nucleus together, Sterling has made somewhat of a martyr out of Michael Olowokandi. The Kandy Man's rep was never the best -- he's seen as a player who goes hard in contract years and soft most other times -- but the 7-foot center has waxed all season long about The Don's refusal to re-up his core players, and has gotten across the message that the main reason for the Clippers' flameout begins and ends at the top.

The Sterling for Classless Play of the Year goes to ...

Ricky Davis of the Cleveland Cavaliers. The Cadavers' best player succeeded in putting an impossibly negative punctuation mark on an impossibly negative season when he attempted to secure a triple-double by rebounding his own deliberate miss at the end of a blowout win against Utah on March 16. As the years go on, I'll never forget the incredulous look on the face of Jazz coach Jerry Sloan as he slowly came to grips with this thought -- I ... can't ... believe ... a professional ... would ... do ... something ... that ... amateurish. I ... oughta ... kick ... his ....

The Sterling for Car Trip of the Year goes to ...

Any one involving the Portland Trail Blazers. Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire were charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession in November when the car they were in was stopped for speeding. (Stoudamire agreed March 20 to attend drug and alcohol counseling and stay out of legal trouble for the next year. If he does, the charge against him will be dropped. Wallace agreed March 31 to attend drug counseling, pay a $650 fine and stay out of legal trouble for the next six months. If he does, the charge against him will be dropped.) And last week, rookie Qyntel Woods was cited and released for possession of less than an ounce of marijuana, for speeding and for driving without a license or insurance.

The Sterling for Lawrence Taylor Tackle of the Year goes to ...

Ron Artest of the Indiana Pacers. Imitating LT is exactly what Artest inexplicably did when Philadelphia's Eric Snow grabbed a rebound and started to dribble away from him during a game a few weeks ago. Now, I've heard a dozen times that Artest is a "young player" who's "still learning" and "needs some time to mature." Well, I once coached a team of eighth graders and I can tell you that had one of my players tackled an opponent, I would've considered it extremely bizarre behavior. There have been, of course, several incidents of Artestian youth this season, but I'll say this much for him: He never tried to pad his stats by shooting at the wrong basket, and I don't think he ever would.

The Sterling for Church Mouse of the Year goes to ...

Another owner, Mark Cuban of the Dallas Mavericks. My guess is that Cuban is chuckling -- make that laughing hysterically -- as referee dustups involving other people (to be fair, some of those being Mavericks) dominate the headlines. But like him or hate him, you must concede that, for the most part, Cuban has left the public skewering of the refs to others and even succeeded in getting the zebras to loosen up a bit with an April Fool's joke. During a timeout in the Mavs-Hornets game Tuesday night, Cuban got into a pretend shoving match with a phony official.

The Sterling for Worst Performance by a Frenchman other than Chirac goes to ...

Another Maverick, Antoine Rigaudeau. At last look (and the last look you had at him might be literally the last look) the French forward, signed at midseason to buffer the Dallas offense, had made only eight of his 35 field goal attempts and, in 91 minutes of action, never made it to the free-throw line. This indicates that Rigaudeau is neither a sharpshooter nor an aggressive player. Insert your own French joke here.

The Sterling for Scottie Pippen Team-Player Move of the Year goes to ...

Milwaukee's Tim Thomas who last week refused to take the court during the late stages of a game when so ordered by coach George Karl. With that kind of attitude, it's a wonder he wasn't chosen for Karl's U.S. team that played so indifferently in last summer's world championships.

The Sterling for Most Incredulous Expression After Throwing an Elbow goes to ...

Dikembe Mutombo of the New Jersey Nets. Mutombo was no sooner back in action for the Nets when he delivered a windpipe special to the Houston Rockets' Yao Ming Monday night. Then again, Mutombo retired this look a long time ago. Over the years, Deke's gestures and expressions of feigned innocence have put those of Vlade Divac to shame, and that's saying something.

The Sterling for Disingenuous Comment of the Year goes to ...

Tim Duncan. The All-Star forward said that his San Antonio Spurs are a better team without him on the floor. Nice try, Tim -- they're not.

The Sterling for I Doubt If We'll Try That Marketing Strategy Again goes to ...

The Atlanta Hawks. They promised season-ticket holders a rebate if the team didn't make the playoffs. Dude, which way to the ticket window?

The Sterling for My Mommy's Not Going to Let Me Play If You Don't Stop Treating Me Mean goes to ...

Jay Williams of the Chicago Bulls. Williams' parents got into a dispute with Bill Cartwright over what they saw as the coach's ill treatment of their son, a rookie out of Duke. You know the interesting thing here? Some young players (Garnett, Bryant, Phoenix's Amare Stoudemire) who have come into the league without the Williams support system (the Duke degree, the Coach K preparation, the tight family) have dealt with adversity better than Williams, perhaps because they didn't expect instant success.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Jack McCallum covers the NBA for the magazine and is a regular contributor to SI.com. Click here to send a question to his Mailbag.

 

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