Fun with baseball

I am excited to be writing Pearls of Wisdom on a weekly basis, but this column comes with a warning: I do not take baseball overly seriously. I consider Rotisserie-types to be the world's biggest geeks. I hate stat mongers. And adults who beg for player autographs, well, please find a truck to place your heads under. Although we seem to huff and puff and lather baseball players in mindless affection, most are as socially significant as a bowl of matzo farfel in July. It's just baseball. Fun, but nothing more. So, keep that in mind, and welcome.

This week, for no particular reason, I devote my five Pearls of Wisdom to former Athletics second baseman Shooty Babitt, who hit .256 in his one and only major league season, 1981:

Shooty No. 1: Shea Stadium is the best joint in baseball. Seriously. I think I've been there 1,000 times, and when the Mets are playing well no other pavilion shakes and quakes and smells and feels like Shea does. The rafters move. The paint peels. The hot dogs ooze. It's authentic. That's why the team's pleas for a new home should be ignored by a city with more important issues at hand.

Shooty No. 2: Those who ripped the new Marlins administration for trading closer Antonio Alfonseca to the Cubs haven't been paying attention. Although he compiled 28 saves in 2001, the right-hander is little more than a six-fingered Esteban Yan. Alfonseca has one real pitch (a saucy 94-mph sinker) and routinely gets hammered by left-handed batters. Last year he led the NL with a .281 batting average allowed in relief, which is completely unacceptable for a pennant-caliber stud. The Marlins' current problem? Braden Looper doesn't have Alfonseca's cajones.

Shooty No. 3: Tampa Bay is off to its best start in franchise history, which means ... nothing. Thanks to general manager Chuck LaMar's bumbling from Day One, the Devil Rays still look every bit like the expansion outfit they are. Once a contender asks for Greg Vaughn (the club's only marquee player), LaMar will be more than enthralled to shed the designated hitter's salary (two years, $18 million) from his books.

Shooty No. 4: Gary Matthews Jr., once one of San Diego's top prospects, is almost out of chances. After hitting .159 in spring training with the Mets, Little Sarge was shipped to Baltimore for lefty John Bale. Matthews' problem is blatant: Although he has good pop and wonderful athleticism, he's just not much of a baseball player. His swing is cheddar, he can't hit curveballs and he chases pitches feet out of the zone.

Shooty No. 5: Although Cablevision has come under heavy fire for not carrying the YES Network (and, as a result, 130 Yankees games), greed perception and greed reality sometimes split in odd ways. It's the in thing to bash the cable provider, but YES is asking to be paid a $1.82 monthly subscriber fee, not the $1 other channels receive. Hence, three million residents must find a way to do without the Bronx Bombers. Sometimes I'm just not a fan of corporate America.

My Top 5 List of the Week

The only five men whose last names start with "E" to play for the Expos

1. Joey Eischen (1994, 2001): One game, 0.2 IP, four hits, 54.00 ERA in '94.

2. Dave Engle (1987-88): The Mets' hitting coach batted .226 and .216 in back-to-back seasons. What's it take to get this gig?

3. Rick Engle (1981): Name like Dave, numbers like Joey: 2 IP, six hits, 18.00 ERA in '81.

4. Terry Enyart (1974): 1.2 IP, 16.20 ERA in '74. Are we detecting a pattern here?

5. Bryan Eversgerd (1995): Four seasons, four teams, forgotten.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Jeff Pearlman covers the baseball beat for the magazine. His Pearls of Wisdom appear every Friday on CNNSI.com. Jeff will answer your inquiries in future editions of Pearls. Click here to send him a question or comment.

 

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