The three stooges

So far, Twins, White Sox, Phillies have goofed up mightily

Some teams you can figure out, some you can't. Anyone who has the nerve to delve into the inner workings (or non-workings) of, say, the Detroit Tigers can immediately see what's wrong with them. The Milwaukee Brewers? Nobody even bothers to look any more.

On the other hand, everyone in baseball knows why the Seattle Mariners are playing so well. And the Yankees … well, they're so loaded it would be a surprise if they weren't in first place. The Yanks are easy to figure.

But there are some teams, in most every year, that defy easy explanations. They are maddeningly goofy, off-the-charts strange. They're either way better than anyone thought they'd be -- this season, the Kansas City Royals jump to mind -- or, more often, they're nowhere close to being as good as they should be.

Step up, you backsliding Minnesota Twins. You too, you Chicago White Sox. Hey, Philadelphia Phillies. Come on down. We're talking about you.

Oh, there's a long list of teams that have disappointed in the first half of this season. The World Series champion Anaheim Angels are floating around .500 and are way out of the American League West lead. The St. Louis Cardinals are leading the National League Central, but they went into Wednesday night's game with the L.A. Dodgers just three games over .500.

The New York Mets? Nah, way too easy.

The fact is, when it comes to being overwhelmingly disappointing, it'd be hard to find three teams more underwhelming and underachieving than the Twins, White Sox and Phillies. They've all been absolute duds. And the strain of a wasted first half is starting to show.

In Minnesota, manager Ron Gardenhire has fiddled with his lineup, dropping Cristian Guzman to eighth. The skipper sent starter Joe Mays to the bullpen and replaced him with Johan Santana. The team called up warhorse right-hander James Baldwin and, just to show that they still mean business, the Twins seem ready to fight anyone, right here and right now. Yet they keep on losing.

In 23 games since June 13, when they enjoyed a five-game lead in the AL Central, the Twins went 6-17. They've fallen behind the Royals by 4 ½ games. Their ERA before the skid was 4.03. During the skid, it's been 6.30. Their starters have four wins in the last 23 starts, during which their ERA is 7.50.

And that was all before the Twins lost again Wednesday, this time to the lowly Texas Rangers. Since June 13, counting Wednesday's loss, the Twins are 6-18 -- with 13 of those losses coming against teams with a losing record.

What makes the Twins' situation even more frustrating is the guys they thought would be their stiffest competition, the White Sox, are just as inept. Chicago general manager Ken Williams has made a couple of trades to try to get something going, getting outfielder Carl Everett from the Texas Rangers and second baseman Roberto Alomar from the lame Mets.

Since then, the White Sox have lost two of three to the Devil Rays and two straight to the Tigers. It's no way to get back into the race.

Now the Phillies -- they're a true mystery. They spent all that money in the offseason, getting David Bell, getting Jim Thome, trading a backup catcher for Kevin Millwood … and they're just about out of it in the National League East. They have almost no chance. They pulled to within 4 ½ games of the Atlanta Braves last week, only to be swept by the Florida Marlins at home.

Bell has been absolutely awful, hitting under .200, and Millwood was only 2-4 with a 6.43 ERA in June. But the real head-scratcher has been non-slugger Pat Burrell, who slammed 37 homers in 2002 and has 11 this season. He's hitting under .200, too, and way worse than that in clutch situations. With the game on the line Wednesday night, Burrell, hitting (or, mostly, not) clean-up, was pulled for a pinch hitter in the ninth inning.

All of this has manager Larry Bowa close to signing an endorsement deal with Maalox, which might be good because people are starting to point the finger at him. In a Sports Illustrated player poll, he was voted the worst manager in the game.

There are tons of questions facing these three teams. Can Mays shake his first-half funk and make it back from the bullpen? Can Brad Radke pitch better? Can the Twins start hitting?

Will the new-look White Sox get the boost they need from Everett and Alomar? Will manager Jerry Manuel be around to see it?

Will Bowa implode? Would the Phillies cheer if he did?

It's hard to figure the Twins, White Sox and Phillies. They have talent, all three of these teams. But they are beyond disappointing. They've skidded into the realm of downright baffling.

And if they keep skidding, no one's even going to try to figure them out.

John Donovan is a senior writer for SI.com.

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