Central castoffs

Cubs, Astros, Cards bumble their way toward division title

Mock the American League Central all you want. Make fun of the Royals. Point at the White Sox and snicker. Talk behind the Twins' back. Laugh at the Tigers and Indians. They probably deserve it.

But, remember, the AL Central is not alone. Not by a long shot. This season, baseball's weak sister has a sibling rival. The National League's middle-most division is a laughingstock, too.

If the AL Central is "Comedy Central" -- as some like to call it -- the NL Central, at the very least, has got to be the Cartoon Network.

The St. Louis Cardinals, with one of the most powerful lineups in baseball, are maybe baseball's biggest underachievers. Picked by many to win the Central, the All-Star Cards are two games behind in the standings -- and just five games above .500.

The Chicago Cubs, who led the division for much of the season, are now floundering around .500 ball and in third place in the Central -- which, given last year's 95-loss season, is actually pretty good. For them.

Umps make mistakes, too, you know. (Stop! Hold the presses!) Man in blue Tim Welke admitted as much when he said he missed a not-so bang-bang play at first base Saturday that cost the Colorado Rockies a game against the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Rockies beat him up about it (figuratively), and the veteran Welke did a nice job of self-flagellation on Sunday (again, figuratively). We're just piling on. Saturday night, former Texas and Baltimore manager Johnny Oates was inducted into the Rangers Hall of Fame in a touching ceremony in Arlington, Texas. Oates, battling a crippling case of brain cancer, made the trip from his Virginia home and received a huge welcome from the crowd, drawing bigger cheers even than strikeout king Nolan Ryan. The cancer Oates has is an especially aggressive one -- doctors found new tumors in his brain in April and said they can't operate -- but Oates, 57, continues to fight. Never a great big league player, Oates was a much better manager than many people realize. And, after managing, he has proven to be simply inspirational. "The only thing I ask is, Buck, make it quick. I want to see it." -- Former Texas manager Johnny Oates, to current skipper Buck Showalter, on living to see the Rangers in the World Series

At this rate, the division-leading Houston Astros are on pace to win about 88 games. And that's rounding up.

At this rate, they'll win the division with that.

Not exactly powerhouse, is it?

There are a lot of reasons the NL Central is so weak. Injuries have played a huge part, as they always do. The Cubs have been slammed by them, especially lately.

Center fielder Corey Patterson blew out a knee just before the break and is gone for the season. Starting pitcher Mark Prior was knocked out of the rotation after a base path collision on July 11. Sammy Sosa missed more than two weeks in late May. Promising rookie Hee Seop Choi hasn't been the same after a collision with pitcher Kerry Wood in June. Sunday, second baseman Mark Grudzielanek was hit by a pitch that broke his hand. He'll be out for a while.

In St. Louis, second baseman Fernando Vina is down with a bad hamstring, center fielder Jim Edmonds has missed the last nine games with a sore shoulder and starter Matt Morris has a broken finger.

Houston ace Roy Oswalt has a balky groin muscle, slugger Jeff Kent missed more than three weeks in late June through mid-July, promising lefty Carlos Hernandez never made it out of the gate … there are problems all over.

But injuries don't explain everything. Every one of these so-called contenders has some major weaknesses.

The Cards have a wonderful offense. Their .286 average leads the NL, as does their .354 on-base percentage. But even with Morris 8-6 and Woody Williams 14-4, the Cardinals' starting rotation is 11th in the league, ERA-wise (4.52). Their bullpen is last, at 5.02.

The Astros have one of the best bullpens in the league (the 3.18 ERA is second), helping to bolster an iffy starting rotation. But Houston is hitting only .258 as a club (12th in the NL).

The Cubs have that supposedly studly rotation (Prior, Wood, Matt Clement, et al). The pitching staff leads the league in strikeouts. But the Cubs are 14th in giving up walks, their bullpen is only so-so and their hitters can't get on base (their .328 on-base percentage ranks 13th).

Central apologists might point out that the weak records for the three teams that have a shot at this division -- sorry, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh and Milwaukee -- are a result of the tough battles in the Central. Houston, clearly, has come out on top by that measure, going 35-22 against Central opponents. The Cards and Cubs are a meek 27-24 and 26-24, respectively, against the division.

But look at the non-division games, too. The Astros, Cubs and Cardinals are a combined 33-33 against NL East teams. They're just 23-31 against the West. The Astros -- again, they lead this woeful division -- actually have a losing record in the NL outside of the division. And the Cubs and Cardinals are only .500 outside of the Central. That doesn't bode well for whoever finally wins this division.

So, maybe a wild card? Right now, both the Cardinals and Cubs are within reasonable hailing distance. But there are two teams ahead of the Cards in the wild-card standings, and five teams ahead of the Cubs. A wild card out of the Central is a long shot at this point.

Beginning with the 1996 season, the year baseball played its first full season under the three-division format, 42 division titles have been won. Only six times, or about 14 percent of the time, has a team won a division with as few as 88 wins. (Though, in the interest of fairness, it should be pointed out that the Yankees won the 2000 World Series after taking the AL East with only 87 wins.)

If nothing else, the NL Central is at least closely contested, which could make for some interesting series in the last two months of the season. But, given the first four months, the baseball just won't be that good.

And that, unfortunately, is no joke.

 •  The Dodgers canned hitting coach Jack Clark over the weekend. Sure. That'll do it.

 •  Speaking of impotent offenses, the Arizona Diamondbacks have a baseball-best 2.17 ERA since the All-Star break -- and they're 5-12. Is there such a thing as Viagra for bats?

 •  Which brings us, of course, to Rafael Palmeiro, who reportedly turned down a trade to the Cubs before the July 31 deadline. Palmeiro will get asked again, once he clears waivers. Raffy, take it this time. You won't be in Texas for long, anyway.

 •  Barry Zito has the seventh best ERA in the American League (3.30), but Oakland's lefty is only 8-9. Weird. Blame it on spotty run support (4.32 per nine, 80th in baseball).

 •  I think the Reds could compete in the NL Central if they held a fire sale every three weeks or so.

Wherein we pick the best of the e-mail litter from our savvy, and even some of our not-so savvy, readers. Questions, comments or obviously unfounded criticism for a future E-Bag? Click here. Remember, names and hometowns are always appreciated.

This week, we're a little off, considering The Pitch hasn't been around for a couple of weeks. Still, there are a couple of topics that need addressing, a couple of gripes that folks needed to get off their collective chests. Hey, that's why we're here.

So this week, Barry Bonds and Babe Ruth, the Royals and a few other scattered gems …

Let's talk about Barry Bonds. He was way out of line to say anything derogatory about Babe Ruth. The Babe was charismatic and gregarious and a man of the people. Bonds is none of that. Ruth was colorful, Bonds is droll ... and a bigot to boot based on his tasteless remarks. There is no "all-time greatest player." There are those who are among the all-time greats, Ruth was in that number ... undoubtedly so is Bonds. Ruth was an enormous talent, so is Bonds. But Bonds, Juan Gone and the other prima donnas won't be missed when gone. They will merely be numbers in the Baseball Encyclopedia and -- give credit where credit is due -- plaques of cold bronze at Cooperstown. Willie Mays, Bob Gibson, Frank Robinson, Eddie Murray … they had charisma. So does Sammy Sosa. So did Ozzie Smith. Bonds puts up prodigious numbers. OK. Can you tell me anything else about him as a person? I rest my case. -- Bob Hauer, Schweinfurt, Germany

Comparing players of different eras might be fun, in some sense, but most of the times it's just plain dumb. It's dumb for fans to do it and it's dumb for players to do it. Of course, it's something the dumb media does all the time. Still, the point is there are just too many differences between the eras. Comparisons, easy ones, just can't be done. Not with any real accuracy. Players are different. Parks are different. The game is different. And the differences aren't limited to the field, either. You think The Babe would have held up as "charismatic and gregarious" under the scrutiny players get nowadays? Not a chance. Here's how I look at it, Bob. Bonds is a great player for his time. Ruth was in his. We should leave it at that. And, as far appearances go, remember: They deceive. They did then, and they do now.

Do you think the survivor out of the NL Central will be too worn out chasing the Central pennant to compete against the West or East winners for the NL crown? The Giants and Braves look like the two teams to beat, but would the Cards, Cubs or Astros have a shot against either of them? -- Dedicated Cards fan Sam Anselm

Fatigue doesn't have a lot to do with this. I think that whoever it is that finally comes out of the NL Central simply isn't going to be as good as the Braves or Giants, even with the so-so pitching in Atlanta. The exception might be if the Cubs can get to the postseason. They have the starting pitching that can scare some people. But the Astros? The Cards? Uh, no.

A friend of mine proposes an interesting idea: The Cubs and the White Sox combine resources and try to form one competitive team between them. Each year, the good players in both systems can either be sent to the north side or the south side (and the bad players to the opposite side of town), and this would alternate annually. We think this may be the only way that the city of Chicago will EVER be able to field a team that can go the distance. Whaddya think? (New York could do this too, although that would pretty much mean simply leaving things as they are.) -- Adam Rettberg, Losing Hope AGAIN in Chicago

So sad it's funny, eh? I have to point out that Adam sent this message on July 17. Since then, the White Sox are playing surprisingly well, believe it or not. They're 13-4 since the break. And the Cubs, let's face it, are not out of that weak NL Central race. So have faith, Adam. We could have two teams from the Windy City in the postseason. Things in New York, though, are still the same.

As a Yankee fan, getting Armando Benitez feels really odd. I mean, here's a guy I've made fun of for the last few years and now I have to root for him. I look at him and you see the power arm, the good numbers but it's still Armando Benitez. The guy is responsible for some of the biggest meltdowns since Three Mile Island. It's kinda like seeing a really, really hot girl in a bikini and then she turns around and you realize it's your sister. Well, maybe not that disturbing. But you get the point. -- Chip Schrager, New York

Yeeeek. Benitez in a bikini? Maybe I missed your point there, Chip. Benitez in the Bronx in September will be a hoot to watch, I think. But, of course, I'm not a Yankees fan.

It took guts to write that column [on the Kansas City Royals], because I see very few baseball gurus who are ready to let the Royals in the picture. I can't tell you how inspiring it is to watch this team close up. They play as hard in front of 12,000 as they do 40,000. Every game matters to them and it is to their credit that Pena has made an impact on them. Under the former manager, you could see better talent -- at least more seasoned talent -- did half the damage these guys are doing. Thanks for writing about them. I want them to win now, obviously, but this will be a team with a heavy bandwagon in two or three years. You officially get the reins. -- Michael Humphrey

Well, Michael, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was ready to bail on that bandwagon just a few days ago. It's getting to be a bit of a scary ride. Everyone knows that the best thing the Royals have going for them is the weakness of that division. But if the White Sox or the Twins make this thing too much bumpier, you may have to strap me down to keep me on. Sorry.

John Donovan is a senior writer for SI.com.

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