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 My favor to Captain Crenshaw
Posted: Thursday September 23, 1999 11:16 PM
I played a round of golf this summer at The Country Club, which is the site of this weekend's Ryder Cup heroics. I was invited by a rich guy, a member, who didn't know what an absolute pig I am as a golfer. I shot 112, 115, something like that. I'm really not sure. What is the proper PGA score for an X when you pick up your ball in frustration and walk to the next tee? I gave myself 10. On three different holes. In my report to Ben Crenshaw, captain of the American team of Tigers and Duvals, I told him that the greens are as unreadable as a novel by Joyce Carol Oates. I told him the sand traps were as deep as a PBS special on the ecology of the Brazilian rainforest. I told him there was little water on the course, maybe one stream as shallow as ... I don't know. A Howie Mandel comedy routine? A Jim Carrey movie? I noted that trees have a tendency to stand in front of shots to the green. A long grass in the rough called fescue has a tendency to impede your swing, causing you to hit the ball three feet to another patch of long grass in the rough called fescue. I had little to report on the condition of the fairways -- alas, I never saw them -- but I did note that jeans are not allowed on the course and each member of the team had better wear a collared shirt. Oh, yeah, and get the cheeseburger and chips in the clubhouse. And let the rich guy pay. Sports Illustrated senior writer Leigh Montville appears regularly on CNN/Sports Illustrated.
The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.
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