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A few words of advice for Jordan
So I have a little advice for Michael Jordan about playing basketball as an old guy. Now, I might be a little shorter and a little slower and a little older than Michael -- and, OK, maybe the West Suburban YMCA isn't exactly the NBA, and I don't have six rings on my fingers -- but I am old and I do play basketball in a couple of leagues. Listen up, Michael. I know a few things that work for me. I think they will work for you, too. No. 1. Never guard anyone who doesn't have a stomach. Pick out a heavyset guy -- Bryant "Big Country" Reeves comes to mind -- and go from there. Those thin guys can embarrass you. Stay away from them. No. 2. Don't do the new handshakes, booty-bumps or whatever is current. Stick with the old stuff. You get to shaking and slapping and all of that and you look like your Aunt Martha doing the macarena at the family wedding. Just silly. No. 3. Don't forget to stay out of the paint. I know you began to realize the importance of this when you came back last time, but remember: You don't want to draw the foul. You don't want to take the charge. You do want to be able to walk in the morning. And finally, No. 4, shoot the ball every time you have a chance. Shoot when you're open. Shoot when you're covered by three men. Shoot and shoot and shoot. Put your conscience in a footlocker and shoot the ball. Life is short, Michael. Enjoy yourself. Shoot the ball. Leigh Montville appears regularly on CNN/Sports Illustrated. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.
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