Drop those shovels

Range balls and wooden shafts are the answer

The extra 300 yards were not necessary. I know the foggy grey heads of Augusta National were worried about the effects of the ICBM drivers everybody is using these days, not to mention those jack-rabbit, stop-on-a-dime golf balls, worried that someone was going to finish about 100 strokes under par to win the Masters someday. But hey, listen to me, there were more imaginative ways to straighten out this situation.

I mean, leave the land alone. Don't touch Mona Lisa's smile or try to straighten out that tower in Pisa. Mess with the people, not with the shrine, if you want to keep that leaderboard looking good. Listen to me. I have a whole new format for your little golf tournament.

On Thursday, under my rules, every player will be allowed to carry only one club, plus a putter. A 5-iron would be my choice. On Friday, only wooden shafts will be allowed. All wood. All day. Knock yourself out. On Saturday, let's see, maybe every player will be required to use a certified range ball, a black stripe around the circumference and maybe the front nine will have to be played without shoes and the back nine in sneakers.

On Sunday, OK, let 'er rip. Let everyone use all the benefits of modern technology, clubheads as large as toasters, wedges designed with surgical precision, balls wound tighter than Rush Limbaugh himself. Let this be the space-age, logo-filled game that golf has become and let the best man win.

Except now he will have to carry his own bag.

Leigh Montville's commentaries appear regularly on CNN/Sports Illustrated.

 

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