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Back on track After much disappointment, NHIS finally getting it rightPosted: Tuesday July 22, 2003 11:40 AM
How 'bout a hand for Bob Bahre and the New Hampshire International Speedway? No track has been more maligned in recent years than NHIS. Adam Petty and Kenny Irwin were killed in wrecks on the flat one-mile track, and the next thing you know everyone is blaming the track design, saying that long, flat straightaways aren't appropriate for Winston Cup racing. So NASCAR threw restrictor plates on the cars, and we had a race that was, in all honesty, more boring, more tedious and less suspenseful than a repertory theater production of Dial M For Murder with Keanu Reeves and Heather Graham . So Bahre tried to fix things up. He put some sealer down and cars started sliding into the fence. He repaved it, and that led to marbles, which cut the track down to one groove. His most recent move was to ship an oil mined in Trinidad and Tobago, whose most valuable export to that point was former Manchester United striker Dwight Yorke , to Germany, where it (the oil, not Dwight Yorke) was made into capsules that were shipped to a paving company in New Hampshire that mixed them into a new asphalt mix. The results were, at first, underwhelming. Kevin Harvick's take on Saturday was, "They just painted a few more dots on the asphalt, and that's about it." On Sunday, though, we saw actual racing instead of the dull single-file stuff we've been treated to lately in the northeast. "I know last year, when you got inside someone, you just leaned on them a little bit and got their right-side tires out in the marbles and that was the end of them," said winner Jimmie Johnson. "There was no competition and you could not run side-by-side. You had to be careful who you put yourself in that situation with because just one little nudge from them and you were in big trouble." Bahre had to feel like the king of the swamp castle in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.("Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up.") I've never really liked the track before, and to a certain extent any flat track is going to be less excited than a high-banked place. The easiest thing for Bahre to do two years ago would have been to give up and bank it or radically redesign it. But he stuck with what he had, and now the circuit has a good one-mile flat track. And when it comes to tracks, variety is the spice of life.
Robby Gordon . Finished fifth Sunday, on the heels of a seventh-place finish in Chicago. That's the best two-race span of his NASCAR career, and just the second time he's put up back-to-back top tens.
Michael Waltrip . Got docked 25 points two weeks ago, then got black-flagged in the waning laps Sunday, dropping him back to 28th. Afterwards he was contemplative. "To black flag someone contending for a top-10 with seven laps to go, you'd like to think that NASCAR would use better judgment. Alternatively, I am the one who ran into the wall, so it is my fault. I just don't think NASCAR had to make a call that was that harsh."
John Andretti won't be in the #0 car at the Brickyard, because he's driving for DEI that weekend. So who will take his place in the NetZero car? Three names have been bandied about: Mike Skinner, David Green and Al Unser, Jr. In other DEI news, exec VP Ty Norris said it looks like IRL champ Sam Hornish will not be making the jump to a DEI car next year. But Hornish hasn't ruled out NASCAR in 2004. Jacques Villeneuve, who is in the last year of his contract with F1 outfit BAR, was rumored by Yahoo! Sports to be thinking about making the jump to NASCAR. If that happens, I'll eat my hat. It was too good to be true. According to the Winston-Salem Journal, the proposed Britney Spears NASCAR movie is off. Drat.
First, the serious one. James in New York City asks: "What do you think of the rumors circulating, that next year Tony Stewart and/or Dale Jarrett, might become members of Dale Earnhardt Inc.?" For all the headaches Stewart has given him, I can't see why Joe Gibbs would let him go. (Stewart is under contract through the end of next year.) The more prevalent rumor (and it's just that) is that Stewart will hook up with Target and drive for Chip Ganassi. That one at least has some basis in the fact that everyone's got open wheel ties. But, again, it'd be tough for Gibbs to offload Stewart. As for Jarrett, Ty Norris spoke hypothetically about being interested on Jarrett if he was on the market. If I'm DEI, though, (and I get all my sponsorships lined up) I'd go for someone a little younger with more of a long-term future. That's not to say they wouldn't try to bring Jarrett on for a couple years. It would surprise me, but not as much as Stewart switching teams. Then there's "foo monkey" who hails from "Funky Town." He asks: "Using the points system you've outlined, could you please determine the top 10 in points for the last two seasons? Stating your case in terms of historical data might prove more effective." While normally I object to letters that read like critiques of political science papers (I got plenty of those in my day), I should say to foo and the others who wanted to know how the point system introduced here last week would apply historically, I plan on tackling that at some point. All that number crunching takes time, foo. Now, on to the question posed two weeks ago, about which McDonaldland character would make the best athlete. Loads of responses for this one. Here are a few: Ed from Brooklyn says, "First I would have to count out Ronald...I mean the red hair reminds me of Todd Marinovich, also his feet are too big to really run. Then there is the Hamburglar. He is quick, and has good hands so he would make a fine pro football player and he does have a rap sheet that the pros would jump at. Mayor McCheese is interesting but no matter how talented he is he still has a hamburger for a head. Competitors could merely bite his head. What kind of a helmet would Crazy Legs McCheese wear anyhow? So I am going with Hamburglar...because the Fry Guys are too young and Grimace, well it's all in the name." Gwynne from Connecticut offers a lady's perspective: "It has to be Officer Big Mac, didn't he hit 70 homers or something a few years ago? He's often overlooked by fans who seem to only remember his cousin Mayor McCheese. Do keep in mind that the Fry Guys appeared to possess some pretty decent foot speed." Mark from Ontario says, "Without question, it has to be Hamburglar. He's sly, quick, and obviously overdosing on performance-enhancing drugs. And like any other athlete these days, you can understand a word he says." Several others voted for the Hamburglar, arguing that he's stealthy. But he's not. The whole freakin' town knows he's the guy stealing the hamburgers. He's an idiot. He's not stealthy. If he were, no one would know he was the thief. As for how he actually gets the burgers, it's like the people in McDonaldland pity him. He's like the crazy old man up the street-better to let him run off with their burgers than hassle him or actually have to speak to him. Besides, it's not like it's tough to find another burger after the crazy freak steals yours-the town is called McDonaldland, after all. Andrew of Minneapolis (and State 4 fame) obviously gave his answer the most thought: "That is a toss-up between Birdie and the Hamburglar. Birdie is probably in the best shape out of everyone, but that Hamburglar is SO fast. However, his speed and quick thieving hands are probably the only things he has going for him, and Birdie is probably the better overall jock. However, Grimace would make an unstoppable hockey goalie. Mayor McCheese would probably be the worst athlete, because with a head like that, how can you compete in anything? Ronald is pretty much worthless unless you are counting being creepy as a sport. And I don't." But the best response, hands down, comes from Rob of Maryland, who writes, "The best athlete would have to be a the Hamburglar. All he does is run around trying to steal hamburgers. A close second would be the oft forgotten Captain Crook. All pirates are good athletes... take it to the bank." All pirates are good athletes? Can't argue with that. Next week we tackle the topic of what the Las Vegas Motor Speedway mascot should be.
Back to Pocono. You know, they’ve got a place there that serves this steak on a rock dish. Essentially it’s a half-cooked piece of beef served on a steaming piece of God-only-knows-what. The consumer is responsible for using that hot rock to cook his beef. It’s more fun than it sounds. As for the racing, it seems like it should be an easy race to scout, since we were just there. But only once since 1987 has the same driver won both Pocono races. (That would be Bobby Labonte in 1999.) That doesn’t bode well for Tony Stewart, who won at the track in June. Looking at the last three years, since Labonte’s double, the winner of the first race went on to finish an average of 8th in the second race. On the flip side, the winner of the second race had an average finish in the first race of 16th. That means I’m picking the guy who finished 16th in June: Rusty Wallace. He’s due, and Penske races well historically at Pocono.
Mark Bechtel covers NASCAR for Sports Illustrated and SI.com. |
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