Rite of spring

Blazers' turmoil signals season is winding down

Three things are certain in life: death, taxes and the Blazers imploding.

Portland's annual rite of spring took place this week. It wasn't enough for rookie Qyntel Woods to get busted for marijuana possession Saturday night. On Wednesday, Zach Randolph and Ruben Patterson had to raise the shock and awe to a new level by scuffling during practice.

After a heated scrimmage turned nasty, Randolph reportedly punched Patterson in the face, leaving a bloody mess on the court. Talk about an about-face for Patterson, who once broke a man's jaw for allegedly scratching his car. No doubt he hasn't felt this bad since Kobe Bryant lit him up for a triple double last November.

And to think, Patterson's only crime was getting in the grill (as opposed to the glove box) of Woods, Randolph's best friend on the team. If only the Blazers took as much pride in shutting down their opponents each night.

Maurice Cheeks, whose team had won two straight games to climb back into the No. 4 spot, now must deal with another major distraction. Meanwhile, Rasheed Wallace says it was better in the old days. Back then, he says, Blazers players just threw towels in each other's faces.

Michael, Mavs experience night to forget

Thursday was D-Day for the Wizards and Mavericks. "D" as in "defeated," "depressed" and "demoralized." Other than those on your 401k, losses just don't come more painful.

Washington's defeat to the Hawks on Shareef Abdur-Rahim's 17-foot fadeaway at the buzzer proves once and for all that it's not meant to be this season for Michael Jordan. His Airness did everything he could in leading the Wizards back from a 17-point deficit. He scored 12 of his 22 points in the final quarter, including 10 in a row down the stretch.

Jordan even got some help from Atlanta coach Terry Stotts, who declined to double-team him on Washington's final scoring opportunity. MJ used a hesitation move to free himself from Ira Newble, but just missed an open 17-footer. Somewhere the ghost of Lenny Wilkens had to be smiling at Stotts' audacity.

When Abdur-Rahim's prayer was answered moments later (after officials kindly put six-tenths of a second on the clock) Jordan appeared crestfallen. With his Wizards 2 1/2 games back of the Bucks for the No. 8 spot, his playoff hopes are Slim Bouler indeed.

As for the Mavs, they not only lost to the hated Lakers on their home floor, but they also saw their Midwest Division lead over the Spurs shrink to a single game. With Michael Finley (hamstring) on the disabled list for the rest of the season, their hopes of landing the No. 1 seed (and avoiding the Lakers and Kings in the first two rounds) are in serious peril.

Meanwhile, Phil Jackson had to love Dallas' reaction to that late foul called on Shaquille O'Neal. Believing Shaq had shoved Dirk Nowitzki on a drive to the basket (replays showed Shaq only stripped the ball), coach Don Nelson stormed the court and got in referee Dan Crawford's face before getting ejected. Like the Kings, the Mavs need to get over their paranoia about Shaq if they're ever going to slay the dragon.

Nate ain't gonna skate

Forget those reports that Sonics coach Nate McMillan is thinking of quitting after the season. McMillan still has two years left on a contract that pays him $2.5 million a year. He also says he still enjoys coaching.

"My atttitude has been positive all along," he said. "Those comments were just blown out of proportion. I wasn't planning on quitting. I just responded to a question.

"I always say that I'm going to evaluate things after the season. I've said that from Day One. My thing is if I feel like I'm not getting the job done, I've always said I won't blackmail the organization and coach until they fire me."

With the Gary Payton situation having been resolved, McMillan at least has one fewer headache to worry about. Sources say the Seattle locker room has never been more peaceful. At least, that is, when Joe Forte isn't singing in the shower after tough losses.

Kings fan might have been behind Ballgate

The mystery of who defaced Shaq's 20,000-point game ball appears to be solved. After reviewing videotapes and interviewing witnesses, the Kings believe a fan sitting near courtside scribbled the obscene message on the ball. Apparently it happened during a fourth-quarter timeout, when the ball was handed to a boy courtside and then passed among a group of fans.

After the final buzzer, Lakers spokesman John Black retrieved the ball to give to O'Neal and discovered the message. The Lakers sent the ball back to Sacramento the next day, and O'Neal has said he no longer wants it. "I told them to keep the ball," O'Neal said.

Shaq, of course, has every right to be upset. As Kings owner Joe Maloof noted in his apology, the incident was "embarrassing" to the organization. But given Shaq's own poor attempts at humor over the years (see Serena Williams and Yao Ming) he should be able to find it in his heart to forgive, shouldn't he?

Next time, clue in Leslie Nielsen

Kudos to Mavs' owner Mark Cuban for his April Fool's prank in which he pretended to argue and then tussle with a ref during a timeout of Tuesday's game against the Hornets. The gag went off without a hitch, fooling many in the crowd of 19,000. Even Mavs assistant Del Harris, watching from the sidelines, got a terrified look on his face and started to make a move onto the court to protect his boss before being stopped by Mavs players.

For years some NBA teams have been staging a similar gag during timeouts in which a faux ref sneaks on the floor while fans aren't paying attention. A dancer then approaches the ref at midcourt and begins to shake like crazy. Just when the crowd is laughing at the scene, the ref suddenly rips off his shirt and busts his own wild moves. It's a funny bit, and it never fails to amuse.

Marty Burns covers pro basketball for SI.com. Click here to send Marty a question or comment.

 

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