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As the NBA turns ... Crazy offseason has been tough to followPosted: Monday July 21, 2003 12:40 PM
Bored stiff by watching the Nets and Spurs trade missed jumpers in last month’s Finals, my friend Rip Van Winkle fell asleep in his Barcalounger. He awoke just this morning, flipped on SportsCenter and immediately called me. "Can you believe the latest NBA news?" he asked breathlessly. "Oh, you mean about Kobe Bryant?" I replied. "Kobe? No, I was talking about George Karl. … But what happened to Kobe?" "Never mind," I said. "Wasn’t Karl one of the big-name coaches in the game?" my friend asked. "He made $7 million last year. He led the Bucks to the playoffs. You mean to tell me he’s out of a job?" "Tell it to Rick Carlisle," I replied. "What about Rick Carlisle?" Van Winkle replied. "Never mind." "So you mean to tell me that Karl is no longer an NBA coach, but Terry Stotts is? How’s that for irony?" Van Winkle said. "That’s right," I said. "And what’s this stuff about Scottie Pippen returning to the Bulls?" my sleepy friend asked. "Since when did Jerry Krause turn into Gandhi?" "It wasn’t his decision," I replied. "Don’t you remember? Krause is no longer Bulls GM." "That’s right. I forgot!" Van Winkle said, rubbing his eyes. "So let me get this straight: Karl is out. Stotts is in. Pippen is in. Krause is out. … What the heck is going on in this league?" "That’s nothing," I said. "This has been one of the craziest offseasons in NBA history. The coaching turnover alone has been staggering. In all, we’ve had nine coaching changes since the end of the season." "Nine!" Van Winkle exclaimed. "That’s about a third of the teams. They must have all been big losers, huh?" "Not exactly," I said. "Carlisle got the boot in Detroit despite winning 50 games for the second straight season. Some other pretty good coaches who got pushed out include Karl, Rudy T., Doug Collins and Paul Silas. Of course, Silas landed on his feet pretty well there in Cleveland with LeBron James." "Silas got booted?" Van Winkle sighed. "Next thing you know you’ll tell me the Hornets hired Tim Floyd!" "Well, er, as a matter of fact, they did. … And there’s been some wild front-office shakeups as well," I continued. "Danny Ainge is back in Boston, and Larry Bird is home again in Indiana. John Nash is gonna take a shot at cleaning up the mess in Portland. And Ernie Grunfeld is running the Wizards." "The Wizards?!" Van Winkle gasped. "Don’t they already have a GM? Remember? The bald-headed guy. The Greatest Player of All Time. The Franchise Savior." "Sorry," I said. "The Wizards gave His Airness the heave-ho." "No kidding?" Van Winkle said. "Yep," I said. "Apparently they got done counting all that money he brought in for them as a player and got around to looking at his record as a GM." "So Michael Jordan is out of the NBA again?" "That’s right," I said. "And did you hear about Karl Malone and Gary Payton taking less money to play with the Lakers?" "What?! That’s practically unheard of. Man, that’s going to make the Lakers a monster. Unless, of course, the Spurs get Jason Kidd." "Oh, I almost forget," I said, smacking my forehead. "Kidd’s staying in New Jersey. And Jermaine O’Neal is staying in Indiana. The Spurs did sign Rasho Nesterovic, but nobody’s ever going to confuse him with David Robinson." "So the Lakers made the big free-agent splash instead of the Spurs. Bird is running an NBA team, but Jordan isn’t. Carlisle gets fired, but Floyd has a job. Pippen is with the Bulls, but not Krause. … Hey, wait a minute. ... Now I know what’s going on. For a minute there I thought this was actually real. … I just realized that all this time I’ve still been asleep." "How do you know?" I asked. "Well, I just saw Dennis Rodman on TV. He’s talking about making a comeback and offering advice to Kobe Bryant on how to stay out of trouble," Van Winkle said. "Now I know I must be dreaming." Marty Burns covers pro basketball for SI.com. Click here to send Marty a question or comment.
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