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Holiday shopping list Some in U.S. soccer need gifts more than others
Posted: Friday December 03, 1999 11:14 AM
Well, there are only 22 shopping days until Christmas and only one to the start of Hanukkah. Do you know what you're getting the soccer fan or aficionado in your family for the holidays? If I had the money and power, I would certainly bear gifts for many members of the U.S. soccer community. In fact, some need more presents than others. So, with the spirit of trying to get my holiday shopping out of the way as soon as possible, here is my holiday gift wish list: Jason Kreis -- An important goal in the playoffs. The U.S. Under-17 team -- Better luck in penalty kicks in the Under-20 World Championship in Argentina in 2001. Major League Soccer -- Every team averaging 15,000 fans or more. Alexi Lalas -- A career outside of soccer. He had trouble playing. Who says he can announce? Kansas City Wizards -- Fans. MetroStars -- Yeah, some fans, too. San Jose Earthquakes -- A name change -- back to the Clash. MetroStars -- A name change -- to virtually any other nickname. Kevin Hartman -- A book on how to distribute the ball properly while under pressure. Columbus Crew -- A victory at RFK Stadium. D.C. United -- A new, larger trophy case. MetroStars investor-operator Stuart Subotnick -- A mirror. After being the catalyst in the firing of deputy commissioner Sunil Gulati and commissioner Doug Logan, you have to wonder why he hasn't made a move and switched general managers after four seasons. New England Revolution fans -- A winning team for the best supporters in the league. Sunil Gulati -- A transporter beam, so he can literally be two places at once as the soccer boss of two teams -- the Revolution and Earthquakes. Don Garber -- More of whatever he's eating and drinking because so far, he's done all the right things. Marco Etcheverry -- A European first division team that will appreciate his talents. Colorado Rapids -- A goal, from anyone. Eduardo Hurtado -- A goal, from anywhere. Eudardo Hurtado (again) -- Just one more opportunity to convert a sitter. Eduardo Hurtado (one more time) -- A trade out of MLS. Former U.S. Women's national team coach Tony DiCicco -- Some well-spent time with his family. Michelle Akers -- One more memorable goal in the Olympics before she retires. U.S. Women's national team -- Enough money so they don't have to play indoor soccer on a victory tour again. Mia Hamm -- A scintillating performance in the Olympics. U.S. men's Olympic team -- Qualification to the second round in Sydney. Tab Ramos -- Healthy knees and no excuses. Eric Wynalda -- See Tab Ramos. Diego Serna -- Free membership in World Championship Wrestling. Former Revolution coach Walter Zenga -- A muzzle and an Amy Vanderbilt book on manners. Lothar Matthaeus -- Another mouth, because he seemingly talks out of both sides of the one that he has got. Carlos Valderrama -- A haircut, just to see what he would like with short hair (hey, he can grow it back). Shootout -- An improper burial at sea. Bora Milutinovic -- A national team to coach. Ante Razov -- A compass that points toward the goal. FIFA -- Some sanity when it picks the host of the 2006 World Cup in July. Brandi Chastain -- A buttoned-down shirt. Matt Jordan -- His confidence back after he was benched not once, but twice in the playoffs in favor of Mark Dodd. MetroStars -- No more excuses. If your name wasn't on the list, you might consider yourself fortunate, although there still is plenty of time to check the list twice and find out who's naughty and nice. Besides, even Santa can't get afford to get a hernia carrying around all those gifts.
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