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Pulling back the curtain A quick primer on how things work around here
Have a comment or question for Dr. Z? Click here. There seems to be an inordinate interest in the mechanics of our operation here, how many e-mails arrive each week (Joe P. of Roswell, Ga.), which ones are deemed worthy by our one-man screening committee, etc. Well, on a good week we'll get from 12 to 14 e-mails, and then ... no, no, just kidding. Jimmy has to read through a few hundred, and usually he'll go for something of particular interest or for a voice that speaks for an entire group, most logical opinion wins. Ah, you ask, then how about the out-of-control rippers? Jimmy has been accused, he tells me, of deliberately trying to sabotage the poor old Doc by leaning toward the big boppers. Absolutely false, do you hear, and let me make it clear that it is I, uh, it is me, uh, it is yours truly who requests rips, just to balance things off and keep this from becoming Puff City. That out of the way, we can proceed to this week's e-mailers, who were unusually mild this time. Must be the nice weather.
Tom of Cleveland gently reminds me that on WKNR radio in Cleveland I was "unbelievably gruff and laughed about the changes [head] coach [Butch] Davis was bringing to the Browns." I also said they'd be lucky to win three or four games, Tom notes. The last part is easier to answer. Not many other people thought they'd do much better. And when I predicted the Cowboys and Redskins to take the pipe, I was fairly accurate. The first part, the unbelievably gruff stuff, is of real concern. Sometimes when you're doing these radio interviews (unpaid, by the way), you want to make a little mark for yourself, you want to get away from the usual bland junk you hear, so you come on a bit strong. If I had heard a tape of that show, I probably would have flinched. Let me tell you a story, and if you've heard it before, just flip through this -- at my advanced age I often repeat myself. Some years ago a young producer called to set up a radio appearance for the following week. He hadn't really gotten his dates set, so he said he'd call back on Friday to finalize it. Friday came and went. No call. Good, I thought. I didn't much feel like doing it anyway. Next Tuesday he called. Are you all set? Set for what? The radio show we talked about. Now waaaiiiit just one minute. You said you'd call Friday, and you didn't, so I thought the thing was off and I made other plans. Well, I got busy Friday. Well, I'm busy, too, and you should have at least left a message, and blah blah blah. I didn't do the show. Now here's the interesting thing. I hadn't gotten to my phone before the message machine picked it up, so the whole conversation was recorded. I played it back, and guess what? I found myself rooting for him. "Don't take that. Tell that arrogant bastard to ... " I mean I was just the worst on that tape. So I want to thank you for calling attention to my lack of manners. I'm really not like that. Honest. Sometimes we do slip, though. Browns question No. 2, this one from Ray of Cherry Point, N.C. With a maturing Tim Couch and a decent defense, can Cleveland make the playoffs? Well, let's look at the schedule and see. Worst-case scenario, they lose to the Bengals Sunday, lose to Pittsburgh, Tennessee and Baltimore twice each and Jacksonville once, beat Cincy at home and then New England, lose at Chicago and Green Bay. Final record: 5-11. Best scenario: split with Tennessee and Pittsburgh (just can't see them getting by the Ravens), beat the Bengals twice and Jacksonville in the rematch, somehow upset the Bears on the road. Final record: 10-6, which spells playoffs, folks. My Greg Cook piece produced a pair of queries. Eric of L.A. wants me to compare the offensive stars of the Rams with those of the Air Coryell Chargers. Fouts vs. Warner. Very similar. Both very quick at the read and delivery, both very accurate. Call it a tie, to be generous, although Fouts is a Hall of Famer and Warner has had one great year and parts of two others. Muncie vs. Faulk at RB. Muncie was a fine player and very valuable in the offense, but he couldn't do the things Faulk does. Wideouts -- Bruce, Holt, Hakim and Proehl vs. Jefferson or Chandler (their Chargers careers did not overlap) and Joiner. Well, the Rams outnumber 'em (the Chargers never used a third wideout -- they'd flex their tight end, Kellen Winslow). On quantity I'd give it to the Rams, on quality, the Jefferson-Joiner Chargers. J.J. Jefferson was an amazing performer. He made the circus catch look routine. I was in Chargers camp about a week after he was traded to the Packers. Fouts thought that owner Gene Klein had lost his mind. Joiner's a Hall of Famer and one of the great possession receivers of all time. Chandler wasn't as good as Bruce or Holt. One thing the Jefferson-Joiner twosome has over Holt, Bruce or Hakim is that the Chargers pair never dropped the ball, which is more than I can say for the Rams threesome. Finally, tight end, Winslow vs. Conwell and whomever, and that swings the election. A Hall of Famer vs. a decent, functional player. So I cast a slim vote for the Chargers group, which put three people in the Hall of Fame. Alec of Manassas, Va., wants to know which QBs were as good down the field as Cook was. Well, lots of mindless bombers have come and gone, great long-ball throwers who didn't always know where the ball was going. But Cook was accurate. His completion percentage was 53.8, which doesn't mean much now, in this 60 percent era, the figure inflated by dumpoffs and five-yard hitches, but the AFL was a down-the-field league in 1969. Its overall average was 49.8 percent, and only one quarterback (Len Dawson of K.C.) had a better percentage than Cook did. I still haven't answered your question. John Elway would be my choice. Terry Bradshaw and Brett Favre had cannons but Cook was more accurate on his longies. Don't forget, the guy was just a rookie. I want to thank both these questioners (and Jimmy for sending their e-mails through) because, as you know, old people love to dwell in the past. To Brian of Las Vegas, regarding his question about the West Coast system and QBs unsuited for it. Favre has enough talent to flourish in any system. Rob Johnson, Testaverde and George all did better in more wide-open attacks. I'm not saying they were great, just better in a different offense. Part Two from Joe of Roswell, Ga.: Why don't more teams try to run the Martz/ Coryell system? Because they don't know how to coach it. As for your bittersweet line, "Say hi to the Redhead and let her know that when the old man croaks, she can come down for some Southern hospitality," her answer is: "Why do I have to wait?" You know there's a name for what I'm doing. Rob of San Diego wants my impression of Tomlinson. Flashy back with a lot of giddyaps in his legs. Showing exactly what he showed in the Senior Bowl, which was plenty. Nathan of New York is an Eagles season-ticket holder. Wait, it gets better. He doesn't like them soliciting bids for PSLs, or their term, SBLs, for their new stadium. Whatever the initials, it stands for paying a premium for the right to buy season tickets, a gimmick that the Cowboys started many years ago and which I hate. He feels that the ordinary, rowdy, working-man fan is being displaced by the corporate exec, which is destroying the whole crowd dynamic. Well yeah, I agree. Sports in general are becoming more corporate, rich peoples' toys. So are cigars. So is fine wine. I'd better quit now, before I start quoting Karl Marx instead of Groucho. Thanks for the compliment, by the way. Michael of Kansas City, on his third attempt, finally got through. Congratulations. Lists four guards, leaves a fifth spot blank, wants me to name an all-time roster at the position. 1) John Hannah, 2) Larry Allen, 3) Abe Gibron, 4) George Musso. Can't come up with a fifth without much research and it's getting late. Maybe Billy Shaw. Maybe Walt Sweeney. Michael's postscript steers me (a clever play on words, as you'll soon discover) toward the porterhouse at the Plaza III on the Country Club Plaza as the best steak in America. I'll give it a shot when I'm in town but I must warn you that porterhouse is not my favorite cut. The Redhead, incidentally, is a steak aficionado and she loved the one she had at Michael Jordan's in Grand Central Station in NYC. Unfortunately, I was not with her at the time. I'm still bitter about it. John of Chicago, who likes my work and therefore refuses to rip, finally snuck one by Jimmy on the inside corner of the plate. Wants my take on the Bears' defensive personnel and would prefer no "cute comments." OK, here it is, minus the junk bonds. I'm basing my evaluation on the Ravens game, the only Bears contest I've seen so far. You know what I think about Urlacher. Super duper. Colvin and Holdman on the outside form a good tandem of rush LB and cover LB. I've seen Colvin have some monster games when they turned him loose. I thought Jerry Azumah looked pretty active when he came in on passing downs. In the secondary, the Ravens seemed to stay away from Harris, who at one time was a budding star but kind of flattened a bit in recent years, and concentrated on McQuarters, who struggled at times. Parrish and Brown -- fine safety combo, one of the better ones in the league. On the D-line, Daniels seems to be lifting his game and has had moments that looked like his better ones in Seattle. Robinson has always been a good, steady guy who doesn't take any plays off. I didn't like Ted Washington in Buffalo's 3-4 last year, but teamed with Trayor, who's strong but has a history of running out of gas, he did a good job plugging the middle. OK, John? Is that straight enough for you? Charting questions from Kevin of Marion, Iowa. When I take a game off the tape, it takes me five to six hours to break it down. If I did that with the games I see live, the week wouldn't have enough hours, so I get it on first viewing, make a note of the plays I want to re-run, then go to them during the 1:40 to two minutes of the TV timeout, or during an injury or replay delay. Kevin also wonders which announcers do the best job of giving accurate stats, down and distance, etc.? For down and distance, Al Michaels is No. 1, and FOX's Sam Rosen is pretty good, too. Most of the others are losers. They still haven't figured out that you call it from the nose, not the ass of the ball. Tackles and assists? Forget it. It's amateur hour and some guys, such as the Monday night crew, seldom even bother. Give my hello to your two redheads (but not flaming redheads, I hope) at home. Scott of Portland, Ore., writes: "Junior Seau gets the most hype, but I think Rodney Harrison is the most valuable player on the Chargers' defense." I agree 100 percent. I like John Parrella a lot, too. Gary of Philly wants to know who the most improved players in the league are so far. On offense, Laveranues Coles of the Jets. Defensively, I'll split it among Washington's Kenard Lang, Philadelphia's Brandon Whiting and San Francisco's Jeff Ulbrich. I'll probably think of a lot more an hour from now. Your word usage note on the redundancy of, "It's raining outside " never bothered me -- until now. To Peach of Washington, D.C.: It was Randy Mueller's personnel moves and Jim Haslett's coaching, not Ditka's trade for Ricky Williams, that turned the Saints around. Dave of Yorktown, N.Y. , thinks I lowballed the Giants. Well, the obvious answer is that I think the teams I have over them are better. You mention Indy getting blown out by New England. OK, the Giants were blown out by Denver in a Monday nighter for which they should have been sky high (unintentional pun, sorry). Which is worse, getting ripped when you're up or when you're not taking a team seriously enough? Looking at that question, I'm not really sure of the answer myself, it's just that I feel that if the teams met, the Indy offense could do more to the Giants than vice versa. Down Under letter from a fellow rugger, Kristan of Brisbane, who lists his positions as fly half, centre and No. 8. Weird position, that No. 8. Never could figure out what he does. Hangs around the rear of the scrum and kind of la-dee-das without really getting into the crunch, as we props do. Oh yes, the question. How important are good hands for a DB or LB? Well, they're like a rugby forward who happens to be a good kicker. Nice to have but not essential. The back seven on defense get a lot of ball-catching work in practice, incidentally. I think it's more important for the safeties to be good-hands guys. They usually approach the ball from a more catchable position on the field. Travis of West Allis, Wis., deplores all the blah blah that passes for enlightened commentary by the TV announcers. No question, I agree with all you said, but you know what I can't stand? Those pre-game and halftime sideline interviews with the coaches. "Coach, what adjustments do you have to make." "Well, we have to cut down on the turnovers." Or tighten our defense. Or stop the pass. Or start it. Pure nonsense. I actually heard one coach say, "Well, we have to outscore them," and the ditsy little charm-school grad with the microphone nodded her head, uh huh, uh huh. Now you've done it. I'll be thinking about all this all night, getting madder and madder. Have a comment or question for Dr. Z? Click here.
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