As you can see, it's not exactly " Ball Four ." But so much about a referee's life is as cloistered as a monk's life. This put at least a 40-watt bulb on it.

I would like to be able to tell you what Brown said about the book Saturday night when I called him at his hotel here, or when I approached him on the field yesterday after the Browns-Titans game. But he didn't return the call and a yellow-coated security guy fenced me off from Brown. "You can't talk to the officials!" Mr. Yellow Coat told me.

If only Paul Tagliabue and Jerry Seeman wouldn't talk to him either.

Week 2 Awards  

OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE WEEK : Tennessee QB Neil O'Donnell , whose 31-of-40 day led Tennessee past Cleveland 26-9. In successive seasons, the Jets and Bengals had thrown him away, and the only people who wanted him to start in Tennessee were the fans. But with the five-week back injury to Steve McNair , the job is O'Donnell's, and in his first Titan start yesterday, he ball-controlled the Browns to death. "It's been a little tough," said O'Donnell. "I can't remember the last time I wasn't the starter when my team's season opened. But I'm just going to go out there and keep trying to put us in the best position to win."

Interesting sidenote: The last thing coach Jeff Fisher said to O'Donnell Saturday was: "Make my decision a tough one in six weeks." Interesting. He probably said it to pump up O'Donnell, to motivate him to play his best. But it'll be interesting if the Titans are 5-1 when McNair's ready to come back, and if the fans continue to fall in love with O'Donnell. Will Fisher make the switch back? I think so, but football chemistry is a funny thing.

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE WEEK : Detroit CB Robert Bailey , with apologies to Tennessee DE Jevon Kearse , who, in his second game as a pro, had a three-sack day against a good right tackle having a bad day, Cleveland's Orlando Brown . Back to Bailey. Normally the Detroit nickel back, Bailey replaced the injured Bryant Westbrook in the second half in the regular defense. Brett Favre went after him hard, and, with the game on the line and Green Bay having a fourth-and-two in the final minute and trailing by eight, Antonio Freeman circled just past the line for what looked to be a certain three- or four-yard gain. But when Favre threw a dart at Freeman, Bailey came out of nowhere to punch the ball away, just shy of Freeman's hands. Great play. Decisive play. For the game, Bailey had an interception and three passes defensed and was a huge factor in Lions' upset 23-15 win.

SPECIAL TEAMS PLAYER OF THE WEEK : New England WR Troy Brown , who made a game-preserving decleating hit late in the fourth quarter of the Patriots' 31-28 win over Indianapolis. The Pats had just gone ahead by their final margin. On the ensuing kickoff, wispy 5' 8" Colt returner Terrence Wilkins sped away from the pack up the left sideline. If Brown didn't get him, Wilkins might have gotten to midfield, and Peyton Manning could have been 18 yards or so from tying field-goal position. But Brown absolutely buried Wilkins at the Colt 28, with 28 seconds left. Ballgame.

COACH OF THE WEEK : Oakland defensive coordinator Willie Shaw . Here's what he said to his players the three days before the season opened at Green Bay and Minnesota in successive weeks: "There's nothing you can do about the schedule. Everybody's got to play eight home games and eight road games, and it just so happens two of our road games come right off the bat. We've got to play them anyway. We're not letting the schedule be an excuse, no way." The Raiders had two interceptions and six sacks of Randall Cunningham at the Metrodome Sunday, igniting the day's most stunning win.

SIGN OF THE WEEK : At the Silverdome, with a certain somewhat retired running back on the mind, One fan unfurled this: "BARRY WHO?"

NASHVILLE NOTE OF THE WEEK : At 8:22 Sunday morning, I turned my car radio on. I went to the AM dial. I pushed scan. Of the 23 stations that came in, 17 were broadcasting religious programming.

GOAT OF THE WEEK : Miami WR O.J. McDuffie . The crowd in the press lounge, watching all the games Sunday, said in unison: "What is he doing!!!" when McDuffie sprinted downfield with perhaps the clinching touchdown against Arizona. Why the yelling? McDuffie, who ought to know much, much better, held the ball out in his right hand, like he wanted to hand off. Huh? And it was punched out of the offending hand by a Cardinal defender. Arizona recovered. Good thing Miami held on to win. Can you imagine the Dolphins losing, losing homefield in the playoffs by one game and looking back to such a rookie mistake by such a smart veteran?

The Top 10  

Now for my MMQB Week 2 top 10:

1. Miami (2-0).
2. Minnesota (1-1).
3. Jacksonville (2-0)
4. Atlanta (0-1).
I feel good, sort of, about those five. Now here's where I start guessing.
5. Oakland (1-1).
6. Denver (0-2).
7. New England (2-0).
8. Tampa Bay (1-1).
9. Pittsburgh (2-0).
10. Detroit (2-0).

The 10 Things I Think I Think This Week  

1. I think Barry Sanders should speak. Period. This charade he's putting people through -- or that his agents are orchestrating -- has done the impossible: It's made the long-suffering Lion fans like the Fords better than Barry Sanders. He needs to answer two questions: Are you retired? If not, what would it take you to come out of retirement?

2. I think the sad thing about watching the minutes wind down in the Minnesota-Oakland game was the thought that Randy Moss and Charles Woodson won't face off again until 2002, unless they play in the Super Bowl. (I'm not counting the Pro Bowl, because it's nothing like a real game.) The way the schedule works now, NFC teams play AFC teams once every three years in the regular season. This is one of the reasons there ought to be eight four-team divisions when (if) the NFL expands to 32 -- so each team has only six division games and can play 10 teams out of division each year.

3. I think three things about the Giants after their pathetic display against the Redskins Sunday at the Meadowlands:

a. Kent Graham would look a lot better if his line could block worth a darn. That line is awful.

b. I don't want to hear a peep out of that defense about how bad the offense is -- even though the offense is pitiful -- after giving up 43 points in the first 37 minutes.

c. I can't believe, by process of elimination, that I picked the Giants to win the NFC East. Today, I have no winner. I guess I'd have to pick Dallas.

4. I think Fox made a heck of a hire in Chris Spielman . If he says to America what he's said frankly to me over the years, he will be a tremendous TV presence. Now, there's the problem with most of these former players. They don't want to say precisely what they think, lest they offend former teammates or coaches.

5. I think I'd like to give one piece of scouting advice to the Philadelphia Eagles defensive players: When playing Tampa, as you did on Sunday, there is a player for the Bucs you might want to watch a bit. No. 40. Mike Alstott . He runs it pretty good. When he goes out for a pass, you should cover him. When you don't, and they throw it to him, it's likely he'll score, as he did yesterday. Okay?

6. I think, even though they're our competitors, I have to hand it to ESPN for putting Wayne Chrebet with the poker-playing dogs. Along with the singing ferret, Chrebet going to the dogs are the two spots that win my CNNSI.com commercials of the month.

7. I think referee Ed Hochuli saved himself a ton of woe by not overturning a Tennessee touchdown pass Sunday, an incredible 14-yard catch by Yancey Thigpen from Neil O'Donnell. If he'd done the same thing in Tampa last week -- instead of overturning a Karl Williams reception he had no business overturning because there wasn't indisputable evidence to kill it -- the replay would be in great shape after two weeks.

8. I think you'd better not invite Keyshawn Johnson and Neil O'Donnell to the same anything. Remember how Johnson wrote that ridiculously judgmental book, " Just Throw Me The Damn Ball ," and how in the book he ripped O'Donnell even though O'Donnell was the quarterback returning to throw him the damn ball the following season? Well, last week, Johnson took another shot at O'Donnell in the New York Post , calling him "a bum, a straight-up bum." I asked O'Donnell about it. Through gritted teeth, O'Donnell told me: "His day will come."

9. I think the most improved position group in the NFL in 1999 is the Dolphin running-back bunch.

10. I think I see now why the Raiders tried and failed to trade Rickey Dudley in the summer. If he's still a good tight end, then Art Modell is the Cleveland Chamber of Commerce Man of the Year.

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