Feeling Minnesota

Maturing Moss is looking at a fantasy dream season

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. -- In his office at the Minnesota Vikings' complex one afternoon last week, coach Mike Tice listened to the soundtrack from The Godfather. Appropriate, because Tice is not above sticking the proverbial horse's head on Randy Moss' bedpost to get his attention. He is not afraid to make Moss an offer he can't refuse. (And how many more of these lame La Cosa Nostra metaphors can I use right now?)

Tice has done so. Last spring, Tice told me he and Moss had a little pact. You bust your rear end, stop taking so many plays off and start blocking on the running plays to your side, Tice told Moss in so many words, and I'll get you the ball more than you've ever seen it in your life. Tice's words to me in March: "Is Randy going to take a couple of plays off in a game? Sure. All receivers do. But he knows if it happens too much I'll yank him. And then the s---'s going to fly between me and him, believe me."

All is extremely hunky-dory with the The Wiry One this summer. It's a lovefest around camp. Most mornings in Mankato, Minn., Moss signs autographs for as long as 30 minutes. He's been a team guy, too, even trying to block when the run goes to his side of the field.

And so I don't want to make a big deal of what follows, because Moss apparently is not the Moss of the Dennis "Enabler" Green and the Red "I'm Happy to Pay You Like Shaq and Look the Other Way, Big Fella" McCombs days. But Tice is so honest he just can't help himself. I asked him if he thought he would run into any problem with Moss during the season. Most coaches would say they don't expect any problems for the rest of the millennium.

List of the week The notes and quotes that lead me to believe Terrell Davis will try to play football again in 2003 ...   1. He won't make the Hall of Fame if he stays retired, and he wants to make the Hall of Fame.  2. Davis: "This is not a retirement party. I will do everything in my power to make it back onto the field."  3. Broncos owner Pat Bowlen: "Terrell has not retired."  4. Davis: "I think I have a lot of great football left in me."  5. Davis: "I am going to explore every avenue to see if I can get the knee to respond at least to a point where there's a possibility that I could return if the situation is right."  6. Davis: "One stat I wanted to achieve was the 10,000-yard mark."  The opinion that leads me to believe Davis will never play for the Broncos again:  1. I think Mike Shanahan has no faith whatsoever in Davis' ability to stay healthy for a week of practice, never mind 17 weeks of a football season.

But Tice leveled. He became quiet. Very quiet. And he said: "Oh, there will be a moment. I know I'll have to address something with Randy."

Moss obviously is not going to change everything overnight. He is the most physically gifted receiver ever, but he has a lazy streak the size of the Metrodome. Last year, after the Vikings handed Moss the richest contract for a receiver in NFL history, Moss said he played only when he wanted to play, and no one could make him play when he didn't feel like it. Against Tennessee in December, he either jogged or walked off the line of scrimmage on 21 plays. That's 39 percent of the game the guy didn't try. A disgrace -- to the game, to his team, to himself.

When Moss reported to camp a month ago, he was his defiant self, though in a softer way. "I am still going to be the same guy," he said. "I'm going to do what I want to and say what I want to. Nothing is going to change me, no matter what's said or written."

First of all, I am ashamed for Moss that he never apologized for those outrageous statements last year. He should have expressed regret, at the very least, to the man who signs his checks, and to the Vikings fans. And McCombs should have made Moss admit to the public that he screwed up. Secondly, why can't anyone in this organization tell Moss to stuff a sock in the nobody's-ever-going-to-tell-me-what-to-do stuff? Tice has told Moss what he's going to do this season, for crying out loud. He has told Moss that he's going to block on run plays, and he's going to hustle more, or there will be some Tice heck to pay.

I am 45, and I ask myself sometimes if I am too old to understand the new players. But I could be 145 and not understand why Moss says what he does. He is being paid more than any receiver in history and is asked to play his rear end off for 48 hours a year. Forty-eight hours in 365 days, man. Think of it! And stop telling us you'll do what you want when you want. It's an insult! And it makes you look like an ass.

All right, I've calmed down now.

Moss has been helped by a few things this offseason. He has to be buoyed by the absence of Cris Carter. Now, Carter was good for Moss for a long time, but late in their four years together Moss started to tune Carter out. Carter became the big brother that Moss grew to resent, and Moss couldn't wait for Carter to move out of the house so Moss could have his own room. Plus, Carter still wanted the ball all the time, and having two guys yelling for the ball wasn't very good for the development of Daunte Culpepper. Now, with D'Wayne Bates playing the poor man's Carter role (gutty over the middle, decent hands) and Moss getting more of the intermediate stuff than he ever did before, it seems Moss could well have a ridiculously great season.

Do the math. Tice says Moss will be the primary read on at least 40 percent of the pass plays this year. The Vikings called approximately 650 pass plays last year (555 attempts, 47 sacks -- and figure at least half of the 88 quarterback runs were designed to be passes but the protection broke down and the quarterback had to run). If Moss is the primary read on 40 percent of those, that's 260 times the ball is snapped with the idea of getting it to Moss. If on three-quarters of those plays Moss gets the ball thrown to him, that's 195 reception opportunities. If Culpepper completes 64.2 percent of his passes, as he did last year, that works out to 125 catches. If Moss averages 16.5 yards per catch (he had a 17.5-yard average last year, but let's knock that down a yard because he'll be doing a few more intermediate things this year), that would be 2,063 yards. If he averages the same one touchdown per 5.8 catches in his career, that would give him 22 touchdowns.

Catches: 125.

Yards: 2,063.

Touchdowns: 22.

Each one would be an NFL record. (The touchdown mark, 22, he would share with Jerry Rice.) "If getting me the ball and breaking records is going to help this team win, then that is what I'm going to do," Moss said recently. " Mike is putting a lot on my shoulders."

Of course, when you fool with numbers you're a fool. I only point them out to illustrate how incredible a season Moss could have if Tice sticks to his plan. Tice is motivated, bigtime, to do this. He knows Moss is his meal ticket to a long-term coaching job up north. (The Minnesota fans already have taken to him. There are "In Tice We Trust" T-shirts around town.) Tice knows defenses can't stop Moss consistently. And so he will ride Moss all season.

"I think," Tice told me, "that if Randy stays healthy and we can have some other options on offense [to] keep the defense from just concentrating on him, he could have the kind of year you're talking about. No question. It's funny; you and I think of those as freaky numbers. He doesn't. Really, [offensive coordinator] Scott Linehan's the key. He's calling the plays. Now, I might make a call every now and then. Last week, in our game at Buffalo, we called a throw to Randy on first down in the two-minute drill. The next play wasn't designed to go to Randy, and I said to Scott, 'Throw the ball to the horse.' Didn't work. I said it again. And when Randy came back to the bench, he gives me this look and says to me, 'What are you trying to do?' I said, 'Get the ball to you, Horse.' The other thing about that game is that four of the first six plays we called -- a run-option to him, an intermediate throw that used to go to Carter, a slant, and a bomb -- were all designed to go to Randy."

Tice reports that Moss has practiced hard, even slightly spraining an ankle while blocking on a run play in camp. He has been cordial with the press. He has been taking young receivers under his long wing. He has abided by one of Tice's new rules ("the Randy Rule," one Vike source said), and not used his cell phone in the locker room or trainers' room. "I don't want to jinx him," said Tice, "but he's really been good. He's really trying. He's thinking before he speaks. He just did a long interview with ESPN Classic and said all the right things. He's got an interview with Andrea Kremer next Friday, and I know she's going to ask him about everything. I think he'll handle it fine. He's maturing. And he knows the pressure's on him to produce because we're going to come his way a lot, but that doesn't bother him. He relishes it. Now, if we start bad, and we go a quarter or so without getting him the ball, we'll see what happens."

OK, but why the macho stuff still? Why the nobody's-going-to-tell-me-what-to-do rant? Tice's theory: "It's just Randy being a tough guy. His way of bucking the system. He wears this old frayed, beat-up T-shirt lots of times. I asked him about it, and he said, 'This is my [bleep] you T-shirt.' Whatever."

Since taking the job, Tice has talked to the players a few times about appreciating where they are in life. "Respect the game!" he has said over and over, and he has emphasized how lucky they all are -- players, coaches -- to be doing something they love for gobs of money.

His words are sent to 80 men. He speaks them, especially, for one.

"Let's be honest," he said. "The message is for Randy."

At the Minnesota State Fair, which opened in St. Paul last week, 36 different food items are sold on a stick. I only regret that on my trip to the Twin Cities I did not get to try:

1. Deep-fried Snickers Bar on a stick. I am serious. They fry candy bars. I am told there are lines of people to get them.

2. Walleye on a stick. Sounds a little fishy to me.

3. Deep-fried macaroni and cheese on a stick. New this year. One TV guy went live with his review the other night. Loved it.

4. Pork chop on a stick. I couldn't make this up.

5. Foot-long corn dog on a stick. Ah, the old standby. My innards roil at the very thought.

If I were the fair operators, I would have one other delicacy available: Deep-fried Tums on a stick.

1. I think it's getting to be that time of year again. Fantasy Football time. Last Thursday night, in Red Wing, Minn., at the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino, I was one of the proverbial expert panelists for a pay-per-view Fantasy Football Draft Party, the first one ever. (Funny, seeing as I don't partake of the fantasy grid game. I do not play, but I opine.) With host Dennis Silva, Hall of Famer Kellen Winslow and Mr. Information, Scott Engel, we fantasied for 90 minutes.

I don't think the crowd liked me very much. My two big opinions: Mortgage the house, the farm and the Winnebago to move up to the first overall pick and take Randy Moss. As you can tell from my main item here, I think he's going to put up sick numbers. When Silva asked the studio audience what it thought of that opinion, one guy yelled: "No way! Stupid! Moss sucks!"

Number two, I said if you couldn't get one of the stud quarterbacks -- Warner, Manning, Garcia, Favre, Gannon -- then solve your running back and receiver needs in the first two or three rounds, then pick Danny Wuerffel. You'd think I'd have recommended they pick the Pope. One guy piped up from the audience, and I quote: "You're smoking crack!"

I realize most of you have just vomited on your PCs, so let me explain. I can't swear Wuerffel will be the starting quarterback for the Redskins, though it would shock me if he were not. I can't swear that he'll be the starter for 16 weeks even if Steve Spurrier anoints him the starter on opening day. I do know, however, that Spurrier is going to enjoy proving the NFL wrong on Wuerffel, and that he will throw the ball early and often, and that by sheer force of will he will find a way to make the Washington passing game one of the league's best. It is conceivable that Wuerffel could throw for 3,600 yards and 26 touchdowns. Big fantasy numbers.

And now we come to my final point. I play rotisserie baseball. Last year I played by the book and made all the smart picks and took few chances. I finished 12th in a 12-team league. This year I took a bunch of chances, trading Pedro Martinez for what turned out to be Jim Thome and Barry Zito, and drafting Derek Lowe and Eric Gagne and Mark Prior before anyone else would have. And now I'm in first place, tenuously, heading down the home stretch. I am convinced that you cannot win these leagues without taking some chances.

Now, I would love it if you spent $9.95 and watched one of the replays of this show to learn whom you should draft. If you don't, here are my five pieces of advice:

a. Trade up to take Moss first overall, over those great backs and even over Warner and Manning. Moss will be a monster, and he doesn't get hurt.

b. Settle for a Bettis-caliber back in Round 2 (you might be lucky enough to get Eddie George) and get the best receiver or back on the board in Round 3. I'm a Michael Pittman man myself, though you might be able to get him lower. Then ...

c. Draft Wuerffel. You'll see.

d. Make Eagle David Akers your kicker. What a leg. His first two kickoffs Friday against the Ravens night went four and 10 yards deep into the end zone. He'll be an 80 percent kicker on a team that'll be in the red zone a lot and that traditionally settles for field goals.

e. Take risks. You won't win without doing this.

2a. I think the most surprising preseason score I've seen in a while is San Diego 31, St. Louis 10 -- in St. Louis.

2b. I think the second-most surprising preseason score I've seen in a while was the halftime score from that game -- San Diego 3, St. Louis 0. Sheesh.

2c. I think this explains it all. "I'm not going to put key players at risk in these games," Mike Martz said.

3. I think the Patriots just may have hit the jackpot at tight end. They signed ex-Seahawk Christian Fauria for a million a year out of Filene's Basement and ex-Saint Cam Cleeland for the minimum out of Wal-Mart, and they drafted Daniel Graham in the first round last April. Today, Fauria would start because he's the best combination of blocker and receiver. Today, Cleeland would be the tight end against the nickel because he's the best receiver. Today, Graham would be the goal-line and short-yardage tight end because he's the best blocker of the three. Graham clearly has the biggest upside, and once he gets in the offense enough (he's had a bum knee for much of camp), he'll give the Patriots one of the best tight end situations in football.

4. I think the Eagles have the best combination of Smurfish returners in the game. Brian Mitchell plays the same whether it's preseason or deer season -- like a raving maniac. He's slated to return kicks and punts. Third-round pick Brian Westbrook, 12 years younger than Mitchell, looks like a terrific changeup back. The Eagles would be smart to give him a slice of the kickoff-return job. If I'm Andy Reid, I want to see Westbrook with the ball in his hands. And one other Eagles note: Finally they spend some of the cap money they've squirrelled away. The Antonio Freeman deal is smart ($750,000 on the cap this year), because it might give them the tough deep threat they just haven't seen in Freddie Mitchell.

5. I think these are my personal thoughts of the week:

a. Bill Clinton would make an excellent talk show host. CBS is talking about Clinton hosting an afternoon show. Love the concept.

b. Regarding the opening of the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament today: The Pete Sampras Decline is turning into the Pete Sampras Avalanche. How does a great player go bad in two years without being hurt?

c. Coffeenerdness: Starbucks is phasing in Internet access. This is trouble. This means I could actually live there.

d. I long for the day when the Vet's a memory.

e. I never watch many movies this time of year, but last night was a treat. Rocky, which I haven't seen in 20 years, was on, commercial-free, at 6 p.m. on TCM (great channel, by the way). That is one incredible acting job by Sylvester Stallone. Burgess Meredith, too. And I had no intention of watching something called Hysterical Blindness last night on HBO. But I taped it for daughter Laura, who left earlier in the day for her sophomore year at Tufts. Great movie. Really great, and it's not just because I'm a Jersey guy and it's about Jersey girls of the early '80s. Incredibly real. Uma Thurman, that might have been your finest hour. Folks, you have to catch this during one of its replays.

f. Hey, Ken Singleton and Jim Kaat on the YES Network: I know you work for George Steinbrenner, and I believe, I guess, that you really think it's inconsequential that there's a $110-million gap between the highest-payroll and lowest-payroll team in baseball. But could you please stop hammering me over the head that the game the way it exists today is fair? If you were in the booth of the Devil Rays or Royals, would you be singing the praises of the haves the way you do non-stop?

g. I love the Little League World Series.

6. I think All-Pro defensive end Michael Strahan can strike the Texans from his 2003 free-agency wish list if he does indeed hit the market after his contract expires next winter. Though he went to a year of high school and four years of college there, Strahan isn't on the Texans' radar screen because of his age (31 next spring), the huge money he'd demand, and the fact that he's a 4-3 defensive end and Houston plays the 3-4.

7. I think Troy Aikman threw a warm log on the fire generated by Strahan's controversial record-breaking sack. You remember the sack, the one most people with eyesight believe was a gimme from Brett Favre to Strahan last year in Week 17. During the Eagles-Ravens telecast Friday night on FOX, Aikman said: "To me, Brett Favre laid down."

8. I think Sebastian Janikowski couldn't be having a stranger career. All the weird stuff off the field, and the great leg, and now he's 3-of-8 in the preseason. He missed from 36 and 33 yards the other night. What gives, Sebby?

9a. I think Randall Cunningham was oft-times strange in his playing career, so it was fitting that, in retirement, he has uttered the Strange Quote of the Year. Commenting on the quarterbacks he admires now, he said Friday night: "There are three quarterbacks I look at now. Donovan McNabb, Culpepper and, in Detroit, [Mike] McMahon." Uh, right. That's the same thing as saying the all-time sportswriting murderer's row is Grantland Rice, Jim Murray and Peter King. And he didn't stop there. "These guys are people that are truly talented to be some of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game if they can stay healthy and continue to study their plays. They need the desire to be out on the field and work hard and continue on for years and years to become great quarterbacks like the Moons, the Aikmans and the Marinos." I wonder if Peyton Manning and Michael Vick are cool with Mike "Rutgers" McMahon being a brighter prospect than they are.

9b. I think you have to hear one more from Randall. He said the following words in succession: "Yes, I can still play. Do I have anything left? I do not have anything left because I left it out on the football field. I left it all out there."

9c. I think, in my next life, my goal will be to be fluent in Randallese.

9d. I think Randall should host something on Comedy Central.

10. I think the Jets are going to be better than anyone thinks.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Peter King covers the NFL beat for the magazine and is a regular contributor to CNNSI.com. Monday Morning Quarterback appears in this space -- no kidding -- on Monday mornings.

 

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