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Communication breakdown Posted: Tuesday March 12, 2002 3:57 PM
Sports Illustrated senior writer Phil Taylor touches on a Hot Button issue each week on CNNSI.com. After you read Phil's take, give us yours. Time for another edition of Lost in Translation, in which we decipher the real meaning behind the bland, canned quotes and sound bites that sports figures try to feed us. This week's subject is baseball managers, who are in full spring training spin mode. Here are some examples of what managers say at this time of year and what they really mean. Managerspeak: "Ol' Jim Bob had another rough outing, but in the spring he's just working on his mechanics." Translation: "If Jim Bob had been hit any harder, he could have filed assault charges. He better find his curveball by his next start or he's going to BE a mechanic." Managerspeak: "Danny's had some bad luck with injuries in the past, but if he can stay healthy, he's going to have a big year for us." Translation: "Danny's about as tough as my wife's best china. If I can somehow convince him that he doesn't have to go on the disabled list every time his foot falls asleep, he might actually find out he's a major league hitter." Managerspeak: "You won't see us sitting back and waiting for the three-run homer. We want to be aggressive on the base paths." Translation: "We better run because I've seen Little League teams with more power than this club. Every time we hit it out of the infield they ought to stop the game and give us the ball." Managerspeak: "We've got a lot of guys who can play several different positions, so I'll be able to start a lot of different lineups." Translation: "What I've got are guys who can be mediocre in a bunch of different places. I'd trade all this flexibility for one freakin' shortstop." Managerspeak: "It's great to have a veteran like Joe in camp, teaching our young players about the big leagues." Translation: "Joe does a great job of getting the rookies out of the strip club just before the brawl starts." Managerspeak: "Ron knows exactly what he needs to do in spring training to get his body ready to play." Translation: "Ron's body would be ready to play right now if he had lifted something in the offseason besides Heinekens." Managerspeak: "Ramon will be late reporting to camp. He's having visa problems." Translation: "Ramon's problem is explaining to the authorities why there's so much Wite-Out on his birth certificate." Managerspeak: "Some of these kids are having such a great spring, they just might play their way onto this ballclub." Translation: "I'd remove my own spleen before I'd put any of these kids on the ballclub, but I have to say something to scare my lazy veterans into putting away the golf clubs and getting to work." Managerspeak: "The club has a whole new attitude this year. The team chemistry is going to be much better." Translation: "It's a good thing the media never found out how many fights we had last year. These guys hated each other so much I thought we were going to have to put a metal detector at the clubhouse door." Managerspeak: "Brad is so team-oriented that he told me he doesn't care where he plays as long as he's in the lineup every day." Translation: "Brad's incentive clause kicks in if he gets at least 500 at-bats, so he told me if I don't play him every day he's going to stuff a fungo bat down my throat." Managerspeak: "We look pretty solid on paper, but we're in a very tough division. Any team is capable of winning it." Translation: "I know we have more talent than anybody in the division, but if I can make it sound like we don't, I might have a shot at Manager of the Year." Sports Illustrated senior writer Phil Taylor writes about a Hot Button issue every week on CNNSI.com. The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer.
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