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Thanks for watching

Posted: Tuesday May 21, 2002 12:27 PM
  Tom Hanson - Inside the LPGA

SOUTH AUGUSTA, S.C. -- After receiving a host of e-mails about the shoddy TV coverage of the tour, I realize why ratings are up this year: Even though the telecasts are less invigorating, fans of the LPGA are still tuning in.

My earlier comments sent waves of fear through the broadcasting industry. Last week at the Asahi Ryokuken International Championship here, Grant Boone of The Golf Channel stopped me between holes, got on his knees and pleaded to be spared from my hatchet. Well, Grant, you're in luck -- I wasn't able to watch TGC at the Augusta La Quinta.

THE SHAG BAG
Weather threatened a round of the Asahi Ryokuken International Championship, but a shortened tournament wouldn't have mattered: Janice Moodie basically ran away with her second career title. But after all the whining about the 36-hole Chick-fil-A Charity Championship and how a $1.25 million event skews the money list, it may be 10 years before another tournament is cut short. ... For the third time in three years, one of the top players on tour was penalized for hitting the sand while her ball remained in the bunker. Annika Sorenstam's two-shot miscue Sunday on the 16th hole cost her a second-place finish. Two years ago in Dayton, Ohio, Karrie Webb did the same thing, losing to Sorenstam by one shot. Maybe now Sue (Ginter) Brooker, who committed the same infraction in my presence, won't feel so badly. ... Conditional rookie Stephanie Keever took advantage of a costly miscue by fellow rookie Miriam Nagl to get into the field last week and then finish tied for 27th. In the two-spot Monday qualifier, Nagl four-putted the final hole to shoot 3-over par 75 and fall into a five-way playoff, which Keever won on the third extra hole. Heading into the week, Keever stood 80th on the money list and needed to get into the field to make sure she would be reshuffled to the top of the non-conditional list (players in the top 90 after this week are shuffled). My pal Laurie Rinker-Graham held down the last spot by a mere $49. ... The buzz on the driving range Friday afternoon was about a pair of shorts that Catrin Nilsmark was wearing. The red, yellow and white plaid Abercrombie and Fitch shorter-than-shorts were so tight that they caused one player to smirk, "I wonder where she puts her tees." Another replied, "You don't want to know." For the record, Nilsmark said the size 6 shorts do have two back pockets, even though they didn't look much bigger than her money clip. The outfit, which was picked out by friend Shani Waugh, impressed Nilsmark so much that she is seeking an endorsement deal with the clothing company. ... Because of extremely firm and fast greens during the first round, tour officials decided to increase the watering by 50 percent and only cut the greens once for the second round. Scores were much better, but some players complained that it was unfair to do this in the middle of a tournament. The scoring average on Thursday was 75.196; Friday it was 73.531. ... Get well and birthday wishes go out to a big fan, rookie Angie Rizzo. The Minnesota native turned 24 on May 21 and is home recovering from a car accident.
In honor of all of you who manage to stay awake during broadcasts and also have the integrity to write in, here are some of my favorite responses:

I just wanted to commend you on your column about the awful LPGA announcers on ESPN. The coverage is painful to listen to, except when it's comical. Listening to Mary Bryan say every week how some undulation on a green "dissects" the green really drives me bananas!
—Maria, St. Louis

Maria, I always thought the telecasts were comical, but perhaps I was confusing stupid mistakes and actual ha-ha funny. Now, an announcing crew of, say, Bill Murray, Chris Rock and Dennis Miller would be comical. I'd love to hear Miller describe the physics of why a putt breaks a certain way.

The real problem is not the TV announcers, but the product. Unfortunately, women's sports have never been popular in the United States (with the sole exception of special events, i.e., World Cup, Olympics, etc.). I don't see this changing any time in the future. Do you?
—Mark, Dallas

Once again, Mark, you need to get out of the gym and stop looking at yourself in the mirror. Women golfers are very talented and extremely entertaining. They could be even more entertaining if the announcers revealed something about their personalities or knew the strengths of their games.

Either no one at the LPGA cares about who works its broadcasts or they're in the process of grooming a new voice. Either way, even I would I would even put my name in the pool. Does the LPGA have any control over who can be in the booth??
—Natalie Dunn, Columbia, S.C.

Natalie, the LPGA does approve the announcers, but the networks are the ones who choose and hire the talent. Unlike this column, which the LPGA brass doesn't approve and which many tour officials say is the result of no talent.

This may be a dumb question, but why doesn't Judy Rankin do LPGA events? Is it because her network does not televise them? I think she is excellent, both in golf knowledge and personality.
—Raymond Gregg, Houston

Since Judy is one of the few people at ESPN who is still talking to me, I put this question to her. She explained that her first obligation is to ABC, and then, when her schedule permits, she can take on an LPGA event for ESPN. "I would love to do more LPGA events," Rankin said. "But I have to go where ABC tells me to." (By the way, Bryan reacted like a true pro to the column, which has helped me sleep better.)

You're an idiot, Hanson. Why not try to say something positive about the LPGA or those who cover it? I'm convinced that the PGA is totally committed to abolishing the LPGA because it realizes that the Senior tour is amongst the walking dead and the PGA (excepting majors) is not far behind.
—Mike Keefer, Sherrodsville, Ohio

Mike, how did you ever make the connection between me and the PGA Tour? You got me. Yes, I am an undercover double agent for the men's tour, whose mission is to seek out and destroy any tour on which Tiger Woods isn't playing. Earth to Mike: Read all of my columns, not just one.

I agree wholeheartedly that the coverage of the LPGA is sad. The allotted time for telecasts is about half the amount allotted for the men; the players shown are not necessarily the leaders; and there are few holes covered, even in the majors. Networks should ask the winner from the previous week to give a tip of the day.
—Diana Roxbury, Wexford, Pa.

Diana, I really like your idea of the previous week's winner giving a tip, but there may be a problem: How many lessons could Annika Sorenstam come up with? Since she wins every other week, she easily could run out of things to say.

Great column, Tom! You accurately described what goes on with each telecast. I hope the powers that be at ESPN and the LPGA read what you had to say and attempt to improve the quality of the broadcasts and broadcasters. I agree that you would be a fabulous LPGA TV person, because you are very knowledgeable about the tour and would be prepared.
—A. Brassfield, Pullman, Wash.

Dear Mr. Brassfield (intelligent users deserve the utmost respect), I have yet to hear from ESPN or The Golf Channel about an audition, but once I do you will be the first to know. But don't hold your breath, because it would go against all of the networks' beliefs to hire someone who knows something and is willing to state an opinion.

Don't give up so easily! Even if you are so ugly that people have to avert their eyes, you probably could still do the job of broadcasting golf. The fairway reporters are hardly ever seen, anyway. And unless you sound like a chipmunk, people will get used to your voice if what you say makes sense. Now, you're going to need a partner, maybe two. Two duffers and a former caddy. How's that sound for a broadcast team?
—Matt, New Holstein, Wis.

Hey, Mark, thanks for the words of encouragement and the offer. But what you suggest already exists. It's called ESPN broadcast teams.

Tom Hanson, a regular contributor to Sports Illustrated's Golf Plus section, is a longtime caddie on the LPGA Tour. Click here to send him a question or comment.

 
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