Feast on this
Sports world featured a cornucopia of fowl characters in 1998
Posted: Tuesday November 24, 1998 04:16 PM
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The Florida Marlins went from champs to chumps in a matter of months thanks to owner Wayne Huizenga Peter J. Taylor/Allsport |
ATLANTA (CNN/SI) -- Sure, Thanksgiving is a day to give thanks, to gather with family and friends and reflect on the wondrous bounty that we share in this glorious land we call America.
Blah, yada, blah.
C'mon. What's Turkey Day without turkey?
We here at CNNSI.com -- and you get your turn, too -- would like to present a few of the biggest gobblers of the year in the sports world and offer them a little Thanksgiving cheer:
To David Stern and Billy Hunter, the no-brains behind the NBA lockout, who have proven, once again, that greedy owners and greedy athletes deserve each other. You guys are the main course. Chomp away 'til there's nothing left.
To Ryan Leaf, who went from savior to sulker and is now sitting on the bench in San Diego. You get the @#!* bird.
To Mike Tyson, who, after the humiliation of last year, had to humble himself in front of that august body, the Nevada Boxing Commission, in the hopes of earning a few measly million. Do turkeys have ears?
To the Bowl Championship Series, which has confused fans and media and, in the end, might not settle anything after all. Put some gravy on those quartiles, gentlemen.
To Jeff Gordon -- just to get the pretty boys all worked up. Grab a wing and pull.
To the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team, who made like punky rock stars, trashed their rooms in the Olympic Village in Nagano, Japan -- and then covered up the scandal by refusing to point out the slobs who did the deed. Leftovers for the entire squad.
To Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra, for making a mockery of marriage, the NBA and -- who would've thought it could be done? -- Baywatch. To your (separate) rooms, without any cheer.
Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra experimented with marriage and found out the chemistry wasn't there AP | |
To the U.S. Soccer Team, whose trip through the World Cup resulted in one goal in three straight losses. Some peanuts on their flight to Vegas, where anyone can score for the right price.
To Marcelo Rios, the loutish clay-courter who makes more excuses for losing than the Republicans. Have some stuffing, Marcelo. Lots of it.
To Antawn Jamison, Vince Carter, Al Harrington, Rashard Lewis, Korleone Young and anyone else who decided to skip all or part of college to jump to the NBA. Some raspberry jam. It may be the only jamming you'll be doing anytime soon.
To the Los Angeles Lakers, who talk like they're cocks-of-the-walk but play, at least when it counts, like turkeys. Keep yamming, fellas.
To Chuck Knoblauch, who for one shining moment thought -- if you can call that thinking -- that arguing might actually work in baseball. Luckily, that champagne you got washes away the taste of crow pretty well.
To the Tour de France, given a flat by a wide-ranging drug scandal. A rubbery and steroid-enhanced drumstick.
To Wayne Huizenga, who dismantled and destroyed baseball's World Champions, the Florida Marlins, in the worst example to date of a bottom-line owner who cares nothing about the people who pay his bottom line. A cold, smooshed, $5 turkey dog. And a watered-down, $4 soda to wash it down.
To Auburn trustee Bobby Lowder and for-now head coach Bill "Brother" Oliver, who ran Terry Bowden out of town in a kind of cannibalistic southern ritual. War Eagle!
To Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver the NFL has ever seen -- and one of its most selfish. You're so fond of yourself, Jerry, give yourself a heaping helping of rice.
Got a few turkeys you'd like to baste? Here's your chance.
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