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Smoked turkey

Newton cooks the competition to claim top spot

By John Donovan, CNNSI.com

Everybody messes up once in a while. It's a part of sports. Fumbling at the goal line. Popping up to the catcher. Bricking a free throw. Three-putting. Double-faulting.

It happens. Can't be avoided sometimes.

Not everyone, though, gets caught with 213 pounds of dope in the back of a van. Hardly anyone, in fact, not named Cheech or Chong.

It is exactly for those occasions that we have the CNNSI.com Turkey of the Year awards. It's our annual little showcase designed to separate the little bloopers in sports from the sporting world's biggest, brightest and most talented screwups.

This year, the competition is, as always, fierce. But we have come up with a winner. Or a winning loser. The best of the worst. Whatever.

So, in the tradition of honoring such sports luminaries as Dennis Rodman, Bob ("Don't call me Bobby, punk!") Knight, Ryan Leaf and, yes, John Rocker (the hands-down winner of the 2000 Turkey), it's time for the 2001 Turkeys and the Turkey of the Year.

Nate Newton, step up to the mike.

And put down the brownies.

Nate, the former Cowboys offensive lineman, is the top Turkey of 2001, virtually (hack, hack!) smoking the competition.

Seems that earlier this month, say police, the former America's Team member was driving a van that was stopped in the early morning hours by state police in St. Martinville, La. Upon not-much-closer inspection, the cops found a load of cardboard boxes stuffed with 213 pounds of marijuana and immediately arrested ol' Nate, charging him with possession with intent to distribute.

The 39-year-old Newton, once known as "The Kitchen," is free on $100,000 bail and has not yet entered a plea. The other dope is in some police property room somewhere.

There may be goofier things than a guy who made millions during a Pro Bowl career schlepping a bunch of grass around Louisiana in the wee hours of the morning. Remember, Newton was known to be kind of goofy anyway during his 14 years in the NFL.

But with Rocker close-mouthed (for the most part) this year, Knight lost somewhere in Texas and Leaf quietly floating around the NFL like ... well, like a puff of smoke ... Newton's No. 1 with us for 2001.

But he's not our only Turkey:

	You may not know Anthony Lemar Taylor. But the Tiger Woods impersonator was slapped with a 200 year-to-life sentence (one or the other would do) for trying to pass himself off as Eldrick. Tiger continues to tear it up. Tony (not The Tiger) is a Turkey in the pen.
	Who's an easier target than Bud Selig ? The baseball commish, two days after a spectacular World Series, started offseason labor talks by vowing to ax two teams. With opening lines like that, he must've been a stud at the high school dance. Question: Is this Bud really for you?
	Age has its privileges, but one isn't ripping your coach while playing like a Ding Dong, Charles Oakley. The veteran forward, now with the Bulls, went off on Tim Floyd after a 53-point loss -- during which Oak was sans rebound in 23 minutes. Here's your Turkey, Oak. Stuff it.
	In the somewhere-under-30 category, we have Danny (or is it Dan?) Almonte, the lanky Little League left-hander. Of course, Danny shouldn't have been in Little League at all. His supporters said he was 12; but he was, in fact, 14. It's probably not the kid's fault. But somebody deserves this bird.
	First, he has the gall, forgetfulness or stupidity to bring an assault weapon to a game. ("How'd that get there, officer?") Then Damien Robinson tries to dislodge QB Aaron Brooks' head from his pads. After those two incidents (and $50,000 in fines), the Jets' strange safety has a Turkey, too.
	1. Get to the course on time. 2. Take care of the clubs. Caddy Miles Byrne couldn't do it all. He left an extra driver in Ian Woosnam's bag in the British Open (two-stroke penalty) and overslept two weeks later, missing a tee time. Woosnam caddy-sacked him. We Turkey him.
	There was no better show in baseball than the Red Sox, who feuded and won and feuded and won -- until Dan Duquette fired manager Jimy Williams. Duquette and outfielder Carl Everett are the face of this franchise in a funk. Duke's in charge (kind of), so he gets the Turkey.
	Hey, John Rocker might not have said anything Turkey-ish, but he was 3-7 with a 5.45 ERA after the Braves pawned him off on the Indians. He had only four saves. He blew three others. No wonder the Indians don't want him back. We'll always save a spot for him.
	At first, Mark Cuban was kind of boyishly charming, getting all worked up at courtside of his Mavericks' games. It was kind of ... cute. We're over it. So's the NBA, going by the $505,000 in fines Cuban paid last year. And that TV show. No Emmy. Just a Turkey.
	While we're on the NBA, what about Rasheed Wallace? Really, a record 41 technical fouls in one season? This guy gets upset when the ball bounces. When his sneakers squeak. When Cuban talks. The Blazers' Wallace is always complaining. Sorry if this Turkey gets him going again.
	Nothing worse than an offender who thinks he's the offendee. Yeah, Terrell Owens, we're talking about you. What, you wanted 49ers coach Steve Mariucci to be happy about that minor-league move you pulled last season? Still carrying a grudge? Get over yourself. Have a Turkey.
	There's something disturbing about seeing Ally McBeal behind home plate at the World Series. Granted, we're a little disturbed by her anyway. Talk about someone who needs some Turkey. But seeing her superimposed in the background by the FOX ad whizzes ... we feel a little used, that's all.
	So Patriots WR Terry Glenn skips camp (suspended and fined), wins a ruling to play, is suspended for four games for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy (fined), won't mount the Stairmaster (fined), threatens to sue the league (depression made him miss the drug test) ... all for a Turkey?
	The XFL was built as a hip answer to the NFL. But the brain-lock child of Vince McMahon and Dick Ebersol folded after Year 1 when even the most ardent fans found the football too boring, the hype too dumb and the telecasts too much. "He Hate Me?" Yeah, you could say so. Turkeys.

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