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Waited, worried, and trained
Canadian Veronica Brenner, 26, is considered a veteran in the sport of freestyle skiing. The aerialist was a member of the 1998 Canadian Olympic team and won the 1997 World Cup title. Brenner, a native of Scarborough, Ontario, missed the past World Cup season after tearing her ACL but is back on track to make the 2002 Olympic team. Check out Brenner's diary on CNNSI.com as she prepares for Salt Lake City.
July 2, 2001
Six months, four days. The time had finally come. I had done this so many times before that the occasion felt ritual-like as I slowly dressed in the appropriate clothing. For six months and four days I had waited, worried, and trained for what I was about to do. As I stood at the top of the in-run looking down at the jump and the pool below, the only thing that felt out of place was the brace that was bound tightly to my knee. I thought about the hours spent in rehab-learning to walk without a limp, regaining my knee's range of motion, and rebuilding all of the muscle I had lost. But most of all I thought about all of those days I had spent anticipating this moment.
After six months and four days I was preparing to do my first jump since my ACL surgery. I wore a heart rate monitor to help gauge my nerves. Although I was only doing a back layout, a simple beginner's trick that I had done thousands of times before, I figured this would be an emotional moment. I took a few deep breaths and turned to go. I'm sorry to report that my first jump was very anticlimactic. My heart rate rose higher when I climbed the stairs than when I snapped into my bindings. Sure I was a bit anxious, but more of the "I can't wait to jump" as opposed to the "I'm nervous about my first jump" kind of nerves. I did not feel fear, relief, or exhilaration as I'd expected. Instead, I just felt frustrated. My take off was less than stellar and my form was terrible. I looked like a 17-year-old beginner all over again. Here I was, one jump in and already I expected perfection. I had spent so much time building up my first jump, using it as motivation to work harder, to do one more exercise, to do that one last set. Now I see how much more work is left to do but realize how great it will feel to be back to where I was before I blew my knee. Of course by then I'm sure I'll have newer and bigger goals to work towards... "He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying." --Friedrich Nietzsche -- Veronica
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