Winter Olympics 2002
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Will need every little bit of my strength

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Posted: Wednesday August 08, 2001 2:30 PM
 

Canadian Veronica Brenner, 26, is considered a veteran in the sport of freestyle skiing. The aerialist was a member of the 1998 Canadian Olympic team and won the 1997 World Cup title. Brenner, a native of Scarborough, Ontario, missed the past World Cup season after tearing her ACL but is back on track to make the 2002 Olympic team. Check out Brenner's diary on CNNSI.com as she prepares for Salt Lake City.

Aug. 8, 2001

Have you ever had one of those moments when you thought you could actually hear your dreams come crashing down around you? I've had that feeling twice. The first time was during the 1998 Olympics in Nagano, Japan. I'd qualified second in semifinals, but didn't even come close to landing my first of two jumps in the finals. The second time occurred today.

I've had a number of injuries over the years -- most athletes, even the armchair variety, have had their share of aches and pains. For the past seven years or so I have been dealing with and managing pain caused by a hyper-mobile sacroiliac (s-i) joint (located on both sides of the lower back). The pain has persisted despite two cortisone-type injections and extensive strengthening and therapy. Just this past summer, I dislocated my shoulder during the first competition of the season in Australia. Later that year I tore my ACL during training, which required surgery to correct.

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While my knee injury was devastating and caused me to miss the entire 2000-01 season, I saw the lengthy rehab process as an opportunity. This was my chance to strengthen and heal my old injuries in addition to this new one. To some extent it worked. My knee is right on schedule and I've gained 10 pounds of muscle, particularly in my core and shoulder areas. I didn't expect to have any s-i joint or shoulder issues ever again.

Two weeks ago my s-i joint flared up again. After seven months of rehab I had finally started to get back to where I had left off last fall, but I was having a hard time jumping through the pain in my back. So it was back to the hospital to get another injection.

With my back pain now under control, I was having my best day of jumping since my surgery. It was then my dreams came crashing down. I landed a jump with both of my arms up high in the air, creating just the right circumstances to dislocate my shoulder for the second time.

What do you do when you feel like you just can't take one more day of injury? Well, for about 10 seconds I thought about quitting. Then, after the shock wore off, I cried. I cried, but not in self-pity or hopelessness. I cried in frustration. After knee surgery, I felt as though I had been at the bottom of a deep pit, gradually clawing my way to the top. Then, just when I had both of my hands out and one leg swung over the edge, I slipped and fell all the way back down to the bottom.

And so today I cried. But just briefly, to let out my frustration. For I know tomorrow I will need every little bit of my strength to begin to climb once more.

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." --Confucius

-- Veronica


 
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