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Adkins trades medication for speed
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) -- Derrick Adkins faces an agonizing choice -- between the medication that ensures his happiness and the extra bit of speed that could allow Adkins to defend his Olympic 400-meter hurdles title at the Sydney Games. Adkins, who has been taking Luvox for the past four years to battle bouts of depression, paranoia, insomnia and hopelessness, fears the drug saps some of the precious speed and strength he needs to make the Olympic team. So he has stopped taking Luvox for the past 2 1/2 weeks, trying to flush the drug from his system for the U.S. Olympic track and field trials. It is a decision fraught with risks, but Adkins believes it is worth the gamble. "I choose being well rather than being a champion. But I would like to have both," he said. "This is the Olympics, it only comes around every four years, and I'll try to do it with natural supplements." So far, so good. Adkins finished second in his opening-round heat Thursday night, advancing to Friday's semifinals. And he feels fine emotionally, though he knows the Luvox usually takes about three weeks to wear off -- and he's nearing that mark. "If I feel my mood sink dramatically, I'll get back on it," he vowed. Adkins, a dean's list student in mechanical engineering at Georgia Tech, was competing professionally as a hurdler when he started encountering bouts of melancholy for no apparent reason in 1993. By 1995, it had become so serious that Adkins -- who had never before tasted alcohol -- started drinking heavily to ease the emotional pain. He lost his appetite at times, and found himself sitting alone in a darkened house. He began taking Luvox, an antidepressant, before the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. But it affected his hurdling, so he secretly stopped taking it before the Games and won gold by building a big lead and holding on to edge Zambia's Samuel Matete. After the excitement of winning an Olympic title faded, the depression returned and he went back on Luvox. But the medication still bothered his hurdling, and he dropped to No. 8 in the world in 1997. The following two years were worse, especially when he was training at Georgia Tech. "It was difficult because here these guys were looking up to me and they were beating me in workouts," he said. "Emotionally, the last four years I've been pretty good -- but my racing has suffered." Adkins was ready to quit in 1998, but was talked out of it by his sister, Dianne, a former high school sprinting star whose career was ended in 1990 by ovarian cancer. After sharing his depression only with his family, his coach and his doctor for years, Adkins has decided to discuss it openly as he tries to return to the Olympics. "Now we're coming up to the next Olympics and a lot of people are wondering what happened to me, and I just want to show them what I've gone through," he said. With attention focused on the Olympics, Adkins figured it was the right time to discuss his problem. Already, he said, his doctor has reported getting calls from men who recognized the symptoms in themselves while reading about Adkins. "Men, we have an ego or macho thing that we don't want to go in for that," he said. "I think that it will help people. I've always known I wanted to go public with it, I just didn't know when." Since turning to amino acids instead of Luvox in preparation for the trials, Adkins has expected headaches and dizziness -- but no mood swings. Within a few days of the switch, he felt a big difference in his training. Adkins considers himself a big underdog at the trials, and his time of 49.84 seconds in Thursday's heat -- though his best of the year -- was considerably slower than his personal best of 47.54. But he still hopes he can capture a spot on the team. "I feel good. I'm very relaxed," he said. "It would mean a lot to me to make this team again."
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