Tiger would kick John Daly's ass, and have fun doing it. Have you seen Tiger's forearms? Those 12 ounce curls Daly does would not help. A better match would be Daly vs. Colin Montgomery. They could grab each others man boobs.

Ice-ket-ball:
Mix the worlds of Hockey and Basketball. Put them on ice with hoops and a ball. Allow checking, have the penalty box, and let them hoop it up baby.

Extreme Holligan Soccer:
Each team gets a timer. If they have possesion of the ball for more than 3 minutes without a hot on goal, teh other team's hooligans get to run off the sideline and beat the tar out of them. It would make the games go by much better by actaully having more than 4 shots on goal, and it would allow soccer fans an interactive way of enjoying the game and legally getting into fights.

Heckler golf: Fans (and competitors) can trash talk, Boo!, and use noise makers throughout the round of golf. Players must "Man up", unless it's an LPGA event, and withstand the same cruel punishment weekend hackers endure. Flag dropping during a crucial putt will become commonplace. Incoming cell phone calls (i.e. Barkley calling D. Wade) can turn the tide in a close match. The line will be drawn, however, just short of allowing beer cans to be thrown from the gallery.

Figure-snowball-skating:

Combine the school yard snowball fight with figure skating.

As each Skater performs their routine the other competitors get to chuck snowballs at them. This could make figure skating watch-able by heterosexual males and revive Tonya Harding’s career (if she can get back on her meds that is).

Just imagine a nice “head-shot” on a skater in the middle of a triple-whatever. The kiss and cry room would be juicier as well.

Dowhill ski hurdles (400 Meters of Olympic hurdles right down an Olympic ski slope). THAT would be impressive.

Skeet-Track

Same events as a regular track meet only the track is surrounded by tennis ball cannons (American Gladiator style). Score the meet as usual, but add shots on target to a team's overall score. Two for hitting legs or arms, three points for the body, and five points for the head. Extra point for knocking them out of their lane. Should be fun to see how far someone can long jump in a helmet and chest protector.

Llama sculpture:

You have to make a sculpture out of a llama.

La-roller-crosse:

Lacrosse on roller blades. Have actually played this and it is beeter than real lacrosse. Players must wear full hockey pads to avoid injury due to extreme checking speeds. This could easliy be played in arenas around the country and is extremly entertaining to watch.

A few I'd Like to see:

Ultimate Handball
From serve to point, players can beat on each other. Win the point, you get to take a free swing, plus rules for "two for flinching".

Sniper Mixed Medley
Swimming and rifle shooting.

Modern Joust
A mix of super-cross and breaking sticks against opponents.

-Frederick

John Rolfe you are a joke. What a "meaningful" topic!!! They actually pay you for to work at SI?!?!?!

John Rolfe in "action"... Hmmm how can I get people to read my column? I have no originality and no talent. Well, I guess I can go after the Yankees becaue people either love them or hate them!!!! That's the ticket!!!! Tons of people will post!!!!! YES!!! My job is safe.

Try coming up with some meaningful questions or ideas to ponder.

baskebrawl: it's like a normal basketball game except after each quarter a player from each team is picked to fight. Whoever wins theround gets an additional 10 points for thier team while the fans get to witness four fights a game. Just think of a close game being decided by a fight. Ben Wallace and Shaq will finally be useful in those close games

Australian Rules Basketball- Only shots off the feet would count. Oh yeah, and make it full contact to boot! This would finally give some credence to my motto of "No blood, no foul." Also, this would probably make basketball even more of an international sport that it already is.

Slamball: The sport played on Spike TV (2002-2003) that is a combination of basketball, trampoline acrobatics, and field hockey, definately needs to make a comeback!

This isn't my idea, originally, but it's still funniest one I've ever heard of: the Little League World Series of Poker. Combine the drama and cult following of the National Spelling Bee and the parental exploitation of the Little League World Series. Imagine how upset the sports parents will be when junior folds before the flop and winds up sitting with a straight-flush. Or the little kids wearing oversized sunglasses and compulsively shuffling their chips while debating to call the raise.

Canoefencing-This would combine two of the world's most obscure sports in an manner that might actually be entertaining to more than 3 people. There would be two competitors, each standing atop of the rails of a canoe and fencing against each other. Extra points deducted for tipping over your canoe or falling into the water, etc.

Soccer-basketball: Played with a regulation volleyball, on a basketball court surrounded by 15 foot walls. Two teams of 15 people, 5 from each team are on the floor at all times, the other 10 are goalies. Players rotate every 3 minutes, all 5 on the floor come off to be goalies and 5 goalies go out to play the floor. Games are two halves of 30 minutes, clock only stops during play for injuries.

When the ball is in hand, play resembles ulimate frisbee, the player with the ball may only take two steps before passing to another player, or bouncing the ball off a side wall to him/herself. When the ball touches the ground, only feet may used to advance the ball. Player A may kick the ball to Player B and, providing it does not hit the ground after leaving A's foot, B may catch the ball with their hands.

1 point for goals kicked, hitting below 5 feet, against the end walls where goalies defend. Goalies must keep 1 foot on the back line of the basketball court. 2 points for baskets made, but shots cannot be taken within the paint, nor can any part of the shooter's body be in the paint before, during or after the shot is taken.

When a goalie makes a save they can pick the ball up with their hands regardless, and put it back in play.

Thanks to Coach Finesilver, GWHS Denver, CO, for coming up with this game.

Skeet-jumping - Nothing would be more exciting than watching a person flying from a ski jump and, in mid air, shooting at targets...away the crowd, hopefully....

*NEWSFLASH*

This just in: poker is not a sport.

What kind of physical effort does it take to play poker? What kind of injuries are there? Hemmheroids? "Ooh, I've been sitting for hours. I don't know if I can even walk to my regular job -- oh wait, I don't have one."

The best hybrid sport in real life: Slamball. Poorly managed from the beginning, especially after each year. But still, awesome stuff.