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8/17/2007 11:31:00 AM

Extra Mustard Dream Team

From making it rain to joining TNA, Pacman Jones stays in the news.
From making it rain to joining TNA, Pacman Jones stays in the news.
Photo by AP
By Lang Whitaker, SI.com

If you haven't noticed, various SI.com writers have been choosing their current Dream Teams from various sports, selecting the best current and past athletes. This, of course, set me to thinking: Who would be on the current Extra Mustard Dream Team?

1. Pacman Jones: Embattled, controversial, outspoken...perfect! Pacman is sort of Extra Mustard's Lindsay Lohan, always up to something wacky and headline-grabbing. Keep up the great work, Pacman. We need you. You are the captain of our Dream Team. McEntegart should be paying you royalties by now.

2. Michael Vick: Not a day goes by that I don't get an email forwarded to me with some sort of joke about letting the dogs out. What Vick has been accused of is not funny. But being lame enough to get caught doing something so horrible, well, that's funny.

3. John Daly: He's not the best golfer in the world, but between his brutal honesty and his self-destructive nature, the big guy has been a gold mine for us.

4. Ron Artest: It's the NBA offseason, so Ron Ron isn't really expected to be stirring up trouble. But speaking as someone who's covered him breathlessly for the last seven years, we have nothing to worry about: When the NBA season tips off, he'll be good to go.

5. Tim Donaghy: He was an unexpected gift from the comedy gods, a squirrelly dude who, allegedly at least, was fixing NBA games. People always suspected the NBA was fixed. Now it turns out it actually might have been. Kinda funny...unless you're a Suns fans.

Who else belongs on the Extra Mustard Dream Team? Give us your nominations below...

Lang Whitaker is the executive editor of SLAM magazine and writes daily at SLAMonline.com
posted by SI.com | View comments |

Comments:

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Posted: August 17, 2007 2:27 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
Barry Bonds' ginormous head.
Posted: August 17, 2007 4:19 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
I nominate Tom Brady,Matt Leinart and their respective baby mamas
Posted: August 17, 2007 8:58 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
How can you pick a team like this and not include Alan Iverson. Hasn't he earned perennial status in the felon league?
Posted: August 17, 2007 9:48 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
1. Tom Brady - the man is Teflon. Can you imagine if Iverson, Pacman, or half of the Bengals had the offspring & dating situations that Brady has put himself in.

2. Matt Leinart - see Tom Brady, just four years from now.

3. Kobe Bryant - what, you need an explanation?

4. Anna Kournikova - could keep Leinart and Brady from straying away from the team.

5. Al Campanis - GM emeritus

6. Jimmy the Greek - Broadcaster emeritus

7. Ty Cobb - all-star and supreme jerk emeritus

8. George Steinbrenner - owner

9. Marge Schott - co-owner (emeritus)

10. Jose Canseco - team tumor
Posted: August 18, 2007 12:10 AM   by Anonymous Anonymous
from da boy vince

8 letters - A Rod and T.O.

only a starting 5
Posted: August 18, 2007 12:32 AM   by Anonymous Anonymous
How could ANY list be complete without these QUALITY Dream Teamers:

Terrell Owens: He is one missed TD pass away from a melt down

Randy Moss: See above

Curt Schilling: You know, having the Right for Free Speech is American: I really wish he wouldn't practice it so much

Gary Sheffield: Again, see above.
Posted: August 18, 2007 10:44 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
How about Tonya Harding? Oh, is she already part of Dream Team of the Past?
Posted: August 19, 2007 11:07 AM   by Blogger Nick
Two words: John Rocker.
Posted: August 19, 2007 11:47 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
barry bonds, tank johnson, sebastian telfair, jose offerman, elijah dukes, half the cincinnati bengals players, terrell owens, mike tyson, randy moss
Posted: August 20, 2007 5:38 AM   by Anonymous Anonymous
One season ago and how easy we forget... T.O.
Posted: August 20, 2007 6:16 AM   by Anonymous Anonymous
Stephen Jackson deserves a spot here too. And Elijah Dukes could be the 6th man of this dream team.
Posted: August 20, 2007 3:27 PM   by Anonymous Anonymous
maurice clarret. enough said
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