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10/22/2007 12:16:00 PM
Who should manage the Yankees?
If Stephen Colbert's presidential bid doesn't go as planned, perhaps he could lead the sporting world's top team.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images
By Lang Whitaker, SI.com
If we have learned anything from the New York Yankees, it's that dysfunction can occasionally equal function. Nobody is quite sure who wields the ultimate power within the Yankees organization -- Hank Steinbrenner? Hal Steinbrenner? Brian Cashman? Randy Levine? George Steinbrenner? -- but we are all certain that it's not Joe Torre. So who should be the next Yankees manager?
1. Stephen Colbert: The TV humorist recently announced a presidential run, but myriad laws may keep him off the trail. Perhaps he'd be better suited as a leader of men in the Bronx, where he could use his fake people skills to deal with fake media controversies.
2. Tom Brady: So here's the plan: After the Pats win the Super Bowl in January, the Yankees braintrust should call Brady, who is already well-known for wearing Yankees hats. Show him the huge money and convince him to retire from football, so he can move to the Bronx, spend more time with Gisele and get all those high-paid Yanks to buy into that teamwork kool-aid everyone's drinking in Foxboro.
3. Tyler Perry: The actor/writer/director continues to surprise Hollywood by taking small-budget films and banking blockbuster after blockbuster. He's obviously accustomed to making a lot from a little, but what would happen if he were given an unlimited checkbook to accumulate talent?
4. LeBron James: The King may be from Ohio, but he's a lifelong Yankees fan. Bring him in, let him play for the Knicks and manage baseball's highest-profile team.
5. Mike Francesa:New York's talk-radio king loves the Yankees, and he's a preeminent communicator. Though his allegiance to Torre may keep him from accepting the job.
Who would you like to see the Yankees hire? Let us know below ...
Lang Whitaker is the executive editor of SLAM magazine and writes daily at SLAMonline.com
Scott Adams. He might not lead the Yanks to the World Series, but the experience would provide loads of new material for his Dilbert comics. As for changing pitchers and sending in pinch hitters, someone could write a computer program Scott could use.
How about a selection of George W Bush, but the inept Steinbrenner brothers, and then let the devils' right hand man, Randy Levine, make the prince of darkness himself, Dick Cheney, as the CEO, and let the Boss drift slowly off into the after life.....
William (Bill) Walter. He has been a Fan since Mantel & Marris. He's seen the good and the bad seasons, managers, players & owner come and go and stay. He knows the great coaches to pick and surround himself with. He knows which players to keep, let go and bring back. He knows to use his farm teams to their fullest and not ignore them. He can handle owners by giving them what they want and don't want and think they want. He will work for $1 mil. per year with Hank & Hal & George paying the taxes, plus achievement insentives built in. The contract will be for 5 years and if by the fifth year the yankees haven't won at least 2 World series the 3 bosses can keep the 5th years million. How 'bout it guys? Send Mr. Cashman to Hickory to pick me up and I'll meet you all at the Field to sign the paper work. Sencerely, William D. Walter (828)320-5131 (cell)
You've missed the obvious: Grady Little. Dodgers fans will be glad to see him go, Red Sox fans will be glad to see him in pinstripes, and the Steinbrenner braintrust(I use that term very loosely) will have an easy target to fire without upsetting their fan base when they go in the tank.
Besides, with Grady, they'll probably miss the playoffs altogether and save Yank fans all the heartache of losing in the first round again.
Mr. Walter, a true fan would be able to spell Marris ( Maris )correctly. Doubtful the Steinbrenners would hire someone with the inability to structure a proper sentence let alone butcher the spelling of incentive or sincerely. My advice , just keep handing out those carts when I see you at WalMart.
Larry David should manage the Yankees. He already was the Yankee owner Steinbrenner so how bout being the new manager? He could get George Costanza as his pitching coach and let Kramer handle personnel decisions as GM.
I COULD TAKE THE YANKEES AND WIN A WORLD SERIES THE FIRST YEAR.YOU KNOE WHY? I WOULD PLAY THE GAME LIKE IT SHOULD BE PLAYED.FOR ENSTANCE WHEN THEY PUT THAT SHIFT ON A LEFT HAND HITTER THE BATTER WOULD SIMPLEY BUNT IT DOWN THE THIRD BASE LINE.PLAY FOR ONE AT A TIME.THERE WOULD BE MORE HUSSLE WHEN A BALL IS IT OR THEY WOULD SIT ON THE BENCH.BASEBALL IS A FUN GAME YOU PLAY IT BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT.
George needs to find a way to get Billy Martin back in the dug out. Yes, I know he's dead - but that hasn't stopped Alabama fans from trying to get the Bear back on the sidelines, or Michigan fans from trying to get Bo back out there. Not hat Billy is the answer, but if we're going to be back in this revolving door of managers in the Bronx, Billy deserves to be mentioned.
Um Anon 10:14 am it didnt work out so well the last time Torre managed the Mets back in the late 70's early 80's. Still it would be nice to see Randolph go to the Mets. He can show those underachieving punks what it's really like to underachieve
Hank Steinbrenner - let him show us how easy it is to manage - this is the genius that doesn't realize that the 2007 Yankees are a much better team then the '96 team... oh yeah lets be "patient" with the next manager but not with Torre...