We rank 'em. You react. That's how the Daily List rolls.
8/25/2008 02:20:00 PM
Slowest People in Sports
Even slow guys like Peyton Manning need to stretch the hamstrings.
Gene Blevins /Getty Images
By Lang Whitaker, SI.com
During the Beijing Olympics, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt proved that he is, without a doubt, the fastest man in the world. It was fun watching him run, but I think I'd prefer to watch a race to determine the slowest man in sports, where whoever finishes last would actually finish first. Here are my top five contenders for the title of slowest person in sports...
1. Peyton Manning: He's currently recovering from knee surgery. Which only enhances his chances at this award.
2. The Great Khali: This WWE wrestler stands 7-3 and weighs 420 pounds. There's no way he can get down the track with any urgency.
3. Frank Thomas: He was never exactly fleet of foot, but the last few years have seen Thomas take a precipitous dip toward complete stagnation.
4. Jerome James: The Knicks center has never been known for his velocity, which should make for some interesting moments this season in Mike D'Antoni's fastbreak offense.
5. John Daly: Because it must be hard to sprint with a Diet Coke in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
Who gets your nod as the slowest person in sports? Let us know below...
Lang Whitaker is the executive editor of SLAM magazine and writes daily at SLAMonline.com
I have to give nod to Fred McGriff. He is the only player i have ever seen turn a triple into a single. I saw him hit a line drive to left in Milwaukee that got hung up on the warning track. He barely go to first by the time Geoff Jenkins got the ball to second and Jenkis had to go a ways just to get field the ball.
When Sean Casey was still in Cleveland I said they should have him and Bernie Kosar race a 100 yard dash, though dash would be the wrong word, I mean you could order a pizza have in delivered and be done eating by the time the both finished.
Yao Ming. I once saw him take off from halfcourt for a fastbreak following a T-Mac rebound, only to be passed up by 2 defenders who both tried to grab that same board. That's the stuff of legends right there.
No Contest - 70s Steelers LB Andy Russell. He scored on a 93 yard fumble recovery in 75 playoffs against the Colts & one player was blocked to the ground 3 times but kept getting up & catching him (saw it again recently on the NFL Network). Here is his quote about that play....
"That play has been a source of embarrassment for me for years," said Russell jokingly. "There have been so many jokes. Ray Mansfield was the one that said NBC cut to a commercial during the return and came back to catch me score the touchdown. Nonetheless, it was a memorable play in my career."
Hmmm... maybe it's the rain clouding memories. Sid Bream is just Sid. He was slow rounding the bases in '92 because his knees no longer worked without mechanical support. Yes, the external braces were not fashion statements.
The slowest athlete in modern times has to be Bruce Benedict (That's BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE to the rest of you.). No lesser man than Tommy Lasorda (Who couldn't out run a plate of pasta) said that even he could beat Benedict to first. Yes sir, even the month of October could beat Bruce to first... and that giving Bruce an April head start.
I say this with great affection for Benedict. I'm a fan. If you don't get it, you can go chase cars.
When Rashaan Salaam played with the Bears he was aaallways too stoned to get thru the hole quickly enough. Plus, the ball was too heavy so he'd often leave it on the ground for the other team to pick up.
They're both retired but deserve a mention. The first is former Atlanta Braves first baseman Sid Bream. One of the most exciting plays in recent post season baseball history was when he beat Barry Bonds 18 hopper to the plate to win the NL pennant for the braves.
The other slow ass is former Dodger first baseman (am I seeing a trend here?) Eric Karros. That guy is so slow he can ground into a double play with nobody else on base.
All-time great NFL highlight: Chiefs QB Steve Bono runs a naked bootleg for a 76-yard TD against the Cardinals. No defender chased him, probably because he didn't appear to be moving. I kept expecting Buddy Ryan to run out and tackle him. He may still be running.
do you guys forget Dmitri Young? Maybe not the slowest athlete, but when he hit a triple earlier this season, the highlight of the play was watchin his fat jiggle around.
But being a Penn State fan, I have to say Anthony Morelli, our QB for 2006 and 07. Every time he would try to run away from a defender or scramble, he would get caught from behind. What made him really slow was the fact that he thought he was fast. And you guys forget about Jarred Lorenzen. The 300 pound QB.