We'd love to hear Kim Kardashian give the commencement address at our graduation. Who would you like to hear at yours?
Photo by AP
Graduation season is upon us, and over the next few weeks, hundreds of thousands of students, parents, friends and relatives will be listen to some painful commencement addresses. That's not to say that all speeches are bad – Vince McMahon apparently gave a killer speech at Sacred Heart University – but most are long-winded and full of abstract life lessons that most people could care less about. But have no fear, we're here to save you. Imagine you had access to anyone in the entire world … who would you invite to speak at your graduation?
If we happened to attend USC, we'd snag Kim Kardashian to headline the festivities. With Paris Hilton heading to the slammer, Kardashian looks ready to assume the role of celebrity queen who is famous simply for being famous. Plus, she's now dating USC God Reggie Bush, so there's a connection (all the connection we need).
For schools that teach the art of acting (UCLA, Cal), we recommend Jeremy Piven (aka Ari Gold on Entourage). On a show that has progressively gotten worse since its first season, Piven shines. Plus, he was one of the greatest college students in the history of film when he took on the role of Drawz in PCU (not to mention the evil Dean Pritchard in Old School).
Of course, we'd recommend Halle Barry for any school. After all, who wouldn't want to listen to her?
Jon Stewart. He'll tell it like it is, educate you, rip on whoever deserves it (e.g., this President's administration), and leave you laughing all the time.
1. Paula or Brooke from "Real World"- Only to scream out 'fatty' halfway through and watch either one have a complete emotional breakdown and destroy the stage.
Just thought I'd bring this up: The speaker at my graduation (Georgia Tech Summer '06) got booed off the stage. They guy was a philosophy professor talking about killing wolves and deer.
Anyway, here's my top five:
1. George W. Bush - So everyone can compare their intelligence to his and realize that their potential is limitless.
2. Steven Jackson - "Remember to always back up your boy, even when he's giving the wrong guy a beat down."
3. Allen Iverson or Jim Mora - "Graduate? You wanna... graduate?!"
4. William Shatner - The Boston Legal fans know exactly what I'm talking about.
5. Kevin Dillon - Piven gets enough credit so I'm going with "VICTORY!!!".
Ben Stein hands down. He did the commencment at my wife's graduation a few years ago and it was awesome. Anybody who has worked for multiple presidents and still quotes a Dr. Dre song in his speech is gold.
Whatever you do, just don't get Bradley Whitford (the West Wing). He spoke at UW spring '04 graduation and was absolutely terrible. My brother was graduating, so I got to listen to an hour of left wing conspiracy theories.
I just graduated from Sacred Heart University where Vince McMahon gave the Commencement address. It was a ridiculous speech and what was more ridiculous was the fact that so many people cheered him on. Listening to someone talk about their gas problems was not only stupid, but pathetic at a university graduation. Next year, I suggest someone who can speak more intelligently... which would be just about anyone... maybe President Bush is free that day?
Hey Richard K, before you go criticizing anyone else's intelligence, you should learn the basic rules of pronoun-antecedent agreement. If you use the SINGULAR antecedent EVERYONE, you need a singular pronoun such as HIS or HER to "refer back" to the antecedent. THEIR is plural and cannot, therefore, refer to EVERYONE. As a graduate you should know that. Maybe Wal-Mart needs a greeter.
I had to endure some exec. from PBS a few years ago, which blew, except for the fact that he brought the Cookie Monster with him. Cookie went first and did a five minute speech that was solid gold. He ended up eating his mortar board and asking the dean to take him down to 6th street.
If I could one person to speak at my graduation it would be tupac. I know he is dead but still to just set there and have him talk to us. I think it would be Insperational.
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