|
 |   |
|
EVENTS Fantasy Central Inside Game Multimedia Central Statitudes Your Turn Message Boards Email Newsletters Golf Guide Cities Work in Sports
CNNSI.com GROUP
COMMERCE
|  |
Our future
SI's Grant Wahl is out of commission due to a cross-country move. So in the place of Wahl's Inside U.S. Soccer column, CNNSI.com offers the insights of Garth Lagerwey, backup goalkeeper for the Miami Fusion. Last Monday night, I was watching MLS Extra Time, -- the league's fantastic weekly show -- and hallucinating gently like Joseph with his multi-colored dream coat. No, not about one day assuming Dennis Miller's broadcasting mantle, but about one day emerging from my five-year wilderness and appearing, however briefly, on an actual highlights show. I made it in 1996 for diving into the crowd after a home win and crowd surfing over Grant Wahl's head. Sure, it was Kansas City, so my ride didn't last past the first three rows, but it was fun nonetheless.
Imagine my shock as I tumbled from my blissful reverie to an interview with the Chicago Fire's Evan Whitfield, who verbally eviscerated my Duke University degree as he went down swinging with three good cuts at trying to complete a sentence. I was slightly mollified that he only played with his Afro for a little while on camera. Now, I'm proud to claim Evan as a fellow alumnus. He's book smart, got good grades and is one of precious few Duke Olympians. But on camera, he comported himself as if he just got caught without his hall pass in the girls' bathroom. I guess you get better at it with experience. The interviews, I mean. Some of my readers may remember Wade Webber. He is the man who gave us the nickname "El Humvee" to describe Fusion forward Diego Serna. When we played together in Dallas, Wade was the Dungeon Master for our weekly games of Dungeons and Dragons. When I caught up with him again in Miami, we came up with the idea of staging an MLS Players' Jeopardy with some of our younger teammates. Then Carlos Parra got traded, and we worried that it wouldn't be as funny if one guy didn't run the table and miss every single question. Wade is now safely retired to suburban bliss, but it is in his honor and in the memory of well-funded public schools that I administered a short test to our Olympic age (23 and under) players. Included is the best answer received. The identities of those answering have been omitted to protect the guilty. Inveterate Quotesmith Wade Webber Memorial Quiz1) How many degrees are there in a right angle? Best answer: 0 On the surface, one might wonder how an angle could be defined this way, but it is my opinion that this answer actually defines the state of subatomic particles whose precise angle can't be determined because the act of measurement renders their position unknowable. Then again, if I said "quark" to this gentleman, he might have thought I was trying to get his dog to talk to me. 2) In what century was the American Revolution fought? Best answer: The second To be fair though, that was one of the guys' wives. Century, millennium, what's the difference? 3) Through which continent does the Nile River flow? Best Answer: Africa Actually, the number of players answering correctly exceeded the number of inmates the state of Texas executed last month. 4) How many U.S. Senators are from Florida? Best Answer: 16 This one is a Howard Stern favorite, so I thought maybe pop culture might save them. Then again, maybe Howard doesn't play enough rap. 5) A submarine sank last week. What country was it from? Best answer: Croatia Amazing. I guess $24,000 a year doesn't leave much left over for a television. Or the quarter to buy a newspaper and have your mom read it to you. 6) If FIFA rotates the World Cup regularly between 6 continents and North America hosts in 2010, when would it host again? Best Answer: 2016 When in doubt, add? This is when I asked if English was a first language. Sigh... it was. 7) Would you say that playing either Nintendo or golf constitutes the leisure activity that consumes most of your free time? Best Answer: None This was intended as a human-interest question, and indeed, most of the guys pass their time doing one of the two. However, the question does include three words with three or more syllables, or one more than required to overwhelm the two brain cells warring with each other in all that cranial space. So one response was a stare so blank it made me want to go back to cleaning blackboards in grade school, or dating that cheerleader again. 8) Name two presidential candidates and the political party they belong to: Best Answer: Understandably, Gore the Republican and Bush the Democrat I thought that was their campaign theme anyway. 9) When are the presidential elections? Best Answer: August I originally only wanted a month, but when I heard all the guesses, I asked which year. I was met with stares so horrified one would have thought I placed an apple on their heads, marched back twenty paces and notched an arrow. 10) Do you make less than the WNBA minimum salary ($32,500)? Best Answer: Yes. They all do, and they all knew the answer to this one. Words for the GoodThis essay should not be misunderstood as cruel slap at the intellect of the younger players in our league. I'll put them up against athletes from the other pro sports any day. It is meant to highlight a generational gap in MLS. No one over 25 missed a single question. Players 25 and older tend to have gone to college, because there was no MLS when they were 18. In the last two years there has been a massive influx of new, young players into the league. Many of them are very talented. Many of them are also very immature and ill equipped to cope with real-life situations. From a player-development perspective, the new opportunities bode well for the future. MLS is on the right track in giving these kids money for college when they finish playing. I just hope MLS and the individual teams remember to invest in these players' personal development.
| |||||||||||||||||||||
