The Golden Rules

For men:

1. Always ask your partner, "Would you like to serve first?" The courtesy is more important than the reply.

2. If it is your team's turn to receive, stand firmly in the left court and ask her: "Which court do you prefer to play?"

3. When your partner wrongly calls an opponent's shot out, don't correct her. Your opponents won't remember the favor, and she won't forgive you.

4. Don't try to win all your points from the lady across the net. It's more rewarding to show up the other man.

5. When the ball goes over the fence, fetch it on the trot. Women don't like men who are lazy.

6. Never serve your hardest to the opposing lady unless she is patently a better player than you are. Use a spin serve; it looks soft but is just as effective and nasty.

7. If a crucial point is needed and the opposing lady is inept, take advantage of her glaring weakness but then protest you meant to hit it elsewhere.

8. If your side wins, the drinks are on you.

9. Always play your best; women are allergic to losing.