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THE MAN WHO WOULDN'T
Jules Feiffer
December 22, 1958
Harold Swergcould hit a baseball farther than any man alive
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December 22, 1958

The Man Who Wouldn't

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SOMEDAY I MAY MAKE BOOK KEEPER.

So the baseball magnates and the football magnates and the track and field magnates all got together and issued a press release.

And people read it and said:
OBVIOUSLY ANY MAN WHO DOES NOT PLAY THE GAME IS AGAINST THE GAME AND IF HE IS AGAINST THE GAME HE IS AGAINST FAIR PALY AND IF HE IS AGAINST FAIR PLAY HE IS AGAINST OUR WAY OF LIFE!
BOO!

To all of which Harold Swerg replied:
LEAVE ME ALONE.
And that was where things seemed to settle.

Then the new Olympics were announced.

Russia was to have its greatest team ever.
It had someone who could hit a baseball farther than anybody.
It had someone who could kick a football farther than anybody
It had someone who could run a mile faster than anybody.

The State Department called a conference
HAROLD SWERG MUST ENTER THE OLYMPICS!
So they sent a representative

Who returned with a message.
No.

So they checked his loyalty File.
HE'S NEVER BELONGED
TO ANYTHING!
ANYTHING?
ANYTHING!

And that seemed to be the answer. Harold Swerg was just not interested in belonging. A higher State Department official went to see him.
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO BELONG! EVERYONE BELONGS TO SOMETHING!
NOT ME. Said Harold Swerg.

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Harold Swerg 1 0 0
United States 8021 0 232
U.S. Department of State 16 0 0
Russia 327 0 6