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THE MAN WHO WOULDN'T
Jules Feiffer
December 22, 1958
Harold Swergcould hit a baseball farther than any man alive
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December 22, 1958

The Man Who Wouldn't

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And so the games began!

The first event was who could hit a baseball the farthest. The Russian (Peoples Farthest Baseball Hero Smedyakov) went first

Harold Swerg went second.

The next event was who could Kick a football the farthest The Russian (People's Hero Kicker Brosnokopski) went first.

Harold Swerg went second.

Grumbling of discontent began to murmur through the crowd.

The last event was the mile. His opponent was People's Fastest Hero Runner Alive Kchawelshkov.

It was a tie.

Harold Swerg was called before the judges.
HAROLD SWERG, YOU WERE NOT GIVING YOUR ALL!
"I CERTAINLY WAS" said Harold Swerg indignantly.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU WIN" demanded the judges.
"WINNING DOESN'T TAKE MY ALL" said Harold Swerg "EQUALLING TAKES MY ALL."

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