True Big East story: When a Georgetown-Syracuse game began in 1988, there were 15 people watching in my living room. By the time the game was over, the only people left in the room were me and my wife's divorce lawyer. New York City closes up earlier than the Big East, for crying out loud. Big East administrators plead to TV execs: "Please don't put us on at 9 p.m. ET. Not only is it too late for kids, but the only people left at the end are speaking Hawaiian."
Big East games take so long that you can actually see the gray creep into the beard of Seton Hall coach P.J. Carlesimo. (In fact, all games involving Connecticut and/or Seton Hall now go into overtime. That means a second dose of the final two minutes—and a fresh set of timeouts!)
So I asked the editors what I could do to help in the actual making of the swimsuit issue—and? I was told I wasn't needed. Hah! Can you smell the Jovan Musk I have on right now? Granted, I am banned from most West Coast beaches, but on certain islands along the Strait of Magellan—stretched out in a mahogany suspender suit ($35) and sequin-laced maillot ($50) by Anne Klein—I am simply considered The Man.
Bonus stat for bachelors: In the final two minutes of college basketball games, you can cook five three-minute eggs. If Dean Smith is coaching, you have time to eat them too.