"Indeed," he said as I lined up my 11th stroke, an easy greenside bunker shot. "Now I hear players are getting angry at fans who try to be the first to yell, 'You the man!' at the moment of impact. It would be a laughable complaint in almost any other sport, but golf is different. A little mental thing like that can drive you crazy. Drat!"
"What?" I said.
"Oh, I was scolding myself for forgetting to take a lesson on those buried-lie bunker shots. Real killers."
Reminding myself that I had never had a lesson on buried-lie bunker shots, I lost all confidence. I finally extricated myself on the fourth try.
"Golf is a game of honor," I continued as Two Down lined up a simple two-footer for a 14 to close me out. "In baseball, it's perfectly natural for a catcher to whisper nasty things to the hitter. Things like, 'Boy, he's throwing crazy wild. The test results come back Tuesday.' But golf is different. For instance, now would not be the proper time to mention to you what I heard on the radio this morning."
"What?" Two Down asked, looking up.
"Well, it's just that they were having one of those radio contests, where the deejay calls people's homes. And they called your house."
"A man answered."
An ashen look came over Two Down's face, as though he had swallowed a pint of Sherwin-Williams. I believe it's the only time I ever saw a man shank a putt.