Berman. Kiper. Edelstein. Weren't those three of the 10 plagues the Lord visited upon the ancient Egyptians? Yeah, I watched all 5� hours of ESPN's NFL draft coverage, also known as the Last Roundup, on Sunday, and, yeah, I took notes. Read 'em and weep:
10:53 a.m., EDT. I brace for ESPN's Chris Berman, Mel Kiper Jr. and Fred Edelstein by sticking my head in the microwave on high for six minutes.
11:08 a.m. The first appearance of Kiper. For the ninth consecutive year, ESPN declines to run English subtitles.
11:19 a.m. Steve Emtman, the first player picked, tells Berman, "It's just great to be a Colt." It is not immediately clear if Emtman is conscious at the time of his statement.
12:52 p.m. Kiper—who disseminates multiple lists of first-round predictions like folks submit 12 entries in their NCAA basketball tournament office pool—says the New England Patriots will take a defensive back. They take an offensive tackle. Kiper is upset.
12:56 p.m. Edelstein makes a belated entrance, discussing a possible San Francisco 49er—Los Angeles Raider trade that may or may not happen, depending on whom you talk to, and he's not really sure, but look for it if indeed it happens, and if it doesn't, well, that's what he was told might come down. (Edelstein always punctuates his misguided reports with the expression "I am told," as in "The earth is flat, I am told.")
1:13 p.m. Those well-dressed, well-behaved, well-spoken, well-groomed, well-disposed, well-bred New York Jet fans boo the team's selection of Johnny Mitchell.
1:26 p.m. Kiper is wrong about something or other.
1:27 p.m. Madonna calls to compare our respective Time Warner deals. Not only are her financial terms a bit better than mine, but she also negotiated a contractual clause barring the company from making her watch the NFL draft.
1:32 p.m. Here is the actual transcript of Jim Steeg, the NFL's executive director for special events, announcing an Atlanta Falcon- Dallas Cowboy deal: "The trade involving this selection choice, Atlanta trades this choice, which they obtained from Philadelphia, and the fifth-round choice they obtained from New England, which is the 120th choice in the draft, for the two selection choices Dallas had previously obtained from Atlanta, the 19th choice in the first round and the fourth-round choice from Atlanta, which is the 104th choice. So Atlanta trades Philadelphia's No. 1 and New England's fifth for Atlanta's own No. 1 and Atlanta's own No. 4."