Putting It In Writing

Never start a decathlon 100 meters into a wind. Trade false starts until the breeze is favorable.

If your golfing opponent asks, his ball is always out of round.

When a soccer player is hurt, the opponents must kick the ball out of bounds.

Except for Rocky Marciano, the challenger always entered the ring first—and always will.

Never leave the field with a clean uniform.

Throw a handful of salt into the air before your sumo wrestling match begins.

It's true: Suckers walk.

The bus may be delayed by superstars only.

When the coach finally wraps up a long meeting with "Any questions?" nobody better ask one.

Rookies shag balls, whether they are millionaires or not.