The High Price Of Hard Living

Still, what happened within a four-day span earlier this month was shocking even by his standards. Between Feb. 6 and 9 Strawberry received a 60-day suspension from baseball because of the positive drug tests, was released by the San Francisco Giants and pleaded guilty to the charge of failing to report and pay tax on more than $350,000 earned from appearing at card shows from 1986 to '90. Sentencing is scheduled for March 15. As part of the plea arrangement Strawberry is expected to be sent to prison for three months and held under house arrest for another three months.

Last week, according to Jones, Strawberry entered his third rehabilitation center in the past five years.

"Every time I think he's coming out of it, something else happens," said Richie Bry, Strawberry's agent from 1980 to '88, even before learning about this month's positive drug tests. "You don't know what to believe from him anymore. I think Darryl is basically a good person but very immature and subject to being influenced heavily by other people, some good and some not. He's easily misled and easily succumbs."

The recent bout with cocaine cost Strawberry what appeared to be a perfect fit for him. During his 29 games with the Giants, who signed him after his release from the Los Angeles Dodgers last May, Strawberry enjoyed the benefits of playing for an understanding manager, Dusty Baker; having Barry Bonds and Matt Williams in the lineup, which allowed him to play a supporting role for the first time in his career; and having his older brother, Michael, on the team payroll as his personal chaperon. Strawberry lost all of that on Jan. 14, when he hooked up with some friends for a Saturday night out in San Diego.

"He had all of that riding and still went back to cocaine," says Jones, who says he is reformed after going to prison twice, once on a drug charge and once on a weapons charge. "That's how powerful that——is. Darryl told me [he used again because] he felt a lot of pressure was on him, like going to jail and his ex-wife bothering him. Darryl has never been one to be honest with himself."

Until the recent relapse Strawberry said he had been clean since last April 2. That night began with a private lecture in the office of Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda, before an exhibition game in Anaheim against the California Angels. "Get yourself going," Lasorda barked. "We need you to carry us."

How many times have I heard that? Strawberry thought. Only my whole career. Why is it always on me? I'm tired of it. I don't want to hear it anymore.

He hit a home run in his last at bat that night and then disappeared into his own black hole of despair, drinking and drugs. He got so high he never went home. His new wife, Charisse, called his mother, Ruby, late the next morning, which was a Sunday. Darryl had weekend custody of his two children from his first marriage, Darryl Jr. and Diamond, but after staying at his house they were to return that day to his ex-wife, Lisa. Did Ruby know where Darryl was? Ruby was rushing off to church, so she let her daughter Regina talk to Charisse and left without being clear as to what the call was about.

When Ruby arrived at the Blood Covenant Christian Faith Center in Pomona, Calif., where she also works as a secretary, the parishioners comforted her. They had heard news reports that Darryl was missing. "It's going to be O.K.," they said. Ruby had no idea what they were talking about.

Strawberry remembered that the Dodgers had an exhibition game in Anaheim that afternoon—the last before the regular season began on April 5—but he could not muster the energy to go. I'm tired, he thought, too tired. I am not going through another season like this. The partying, the drinking.... I'm just so tired.